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Adding Value: Overcoming Anxiety, Fear, Stress and Anger by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

As human beings, we are confronted with fear, stress, anxiety and anger in the course of our daily activities. These, if not properly handled and managed, can destroy any organization or a productive being.

Arguably, one of the most dreaded emotions human beings face is stress. Stress can be a silent killer. When the mind and body is stressed, it has a way of affecting productivity. Just like anger is one of the fastest ways of destroying someone, fear is regarded as the greatest force limiting productivity.

Anxiety is another deadly type of fear because it deals more with worry, and the future, rather than the present. Anyone suffering from anxiety is likely to have an increased heartbeat, shortness of breath, difficulty in sleeping, and will always forget and lack focus.

The origin of negative feelings is traced to failed expectations from people, and situations which sometimes do not meet our expectations. When this situation occurs, we tend to have anxiety, anger, stress or even fear of the future.

As a human capacity coach, I constantly come across youths, adults, and parents who are constantly dealing with diverse kinds of pains, stress, anger, and anxiety in their lives. Any productive mind who wants to grow will have to eschew fear, anxiety, anger, and stress. This might be hard, but trust me, it is doable if you are able to train your mind and work with the right people. However, if you have fallen short of any, it’s okay to have regrets because we are all humans.

Anxiety normally creeps in due to expectations of the future, but it can be managed by a combination of medication and cognitive psychotherapy. However, neither lasts forever. A therapist can be used to manage these symptoms.

Happiness is the resultant feeling we have when we are at peace with ourselves and humanity. However, constant negative emotions can also get in the way of happiness, and it has the capacity to compound our level of stress and worry and ultimately damage our health. While there is no magic wand to change negative emotions to positive ones, there are ways to lessen the intensity of the emotion and shorten its duration. With practice, you can learn to disrupt and tame negative emotions.

What Caused This Feeling?

The first step in healing is asking the wh questions? Why did it happen? What caused it? When you understand the cause of a problem, you will be better poised to solve it. You will better understand and interpret memories, judgments, beliefs, values, expectations, and observations. When you understand these thoughts, the next big task is asking yourself if these thoughts will help you to solve any of your problems. You can ask yourself, does this feeling warrant me to be angry or fearful? Who can help me overcome this challenge/problem? How can I fix the problem or focus on the present as opposed to what I can’t change?

Physical exercise

Anxiety and anger can be reduced when you exercise. Exercise has a way of reducing worries, especially when you have music in the background. On a personal note, whenever I am exercising, I usually have music in the background because it has a way of making me feel present. The same is applicable whenever I’m stressed, I usually play music or sleep.

Take a Walk

 Whenever you feel stressed, depressed, pained, or uncomfortable with the way life is treating you, try taking a walk and enjoy the beauty of life. You can decide to go to the beach, walk around the garden, or even take a random walk across the town. It’s normal to always see our deficiencies which blinds us to the beauty of life. When you take a walk, you see people of all kinds, some will be begging on the streets, some might be walking, others might be in a bus. If you can think out of the box, you will discover, you are far better than some of them with what you have.

You can also decide to visualize a happy place. For instance, imagine being in a resort, imagine how life will be when you overcome the stress, pain, anger, or even the tension with the thoughts. This feeling can make it more humane to control your human reaction.

Don’t Beat Yourself

One of the worst things that can happen to you as a human being is trying to be hard on yourself. As a human being, you can’t hide from your shadows. Your shadow is like your thoughts. You can’t hide from your thoughts.  It’s like closing your eyes to the sky. You can reduce looking at the sky by using a goggle. So whenever you have negative emotions, acknowledge them instead of trying to shut them down, and see how you can work on them.

Face Your Fear

The fastest way to kill your fear is by facing them. If you don’t confront your fears, it has a way of robbing you and reminding you of how doomed you are. Facing your fears simply means doing what you dreads. For instance, the best way to become a good writer is by writing as opposed to procrastinating. When you start to write, you will kill the spirit of fear associated with writing. You will be happy you took the bold step. When I began writing many years ago, it felt like writing was stressful, but over time, I became addicted to writing and it’s now fun to me.

Another great way of dealing with fear is by imagining the worst that will happen if you face your fear. Do you know that whether you face your fears or not, the worst will still happen? How about you face it, you never can tell if you will overcome it. You can overcome fear by practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness allows you to become more aware of your fear because it creates awareness that helps you overcome your fear and anxiety.

Share Your Pain

Many people don’t understand the importance of sharing. Do you know that problem shared is a problem solved? When you have pain or feel stressed, please endeavor to speak out. I understand, each one of us is dealing with one pain, but then, there’s no harm in sharing. Keeping it to yourself might not solve the problem. The only concern you should have is the person you will share the pain with. Even if it means sharing it with a professional or trusted person, please do. You can talk to a family member, friend, a trusted clergyman, your doctor or a therapist. Depression is real, anger is real, pain is real, but they can be managed.

Rejoice/Reward Yourself

Celebrating yourself is the best thing that can happen to you. Take time to give yourself a little treat. Most times we are always looking for people to celebrate us. If nobody gives you a platform, create one for yourself. Try and reward yourself with any little success you have recorded. It has a way of boosting your ego and human capacity nature.

Eliminate Triggers

Figure out what are the biggest cause of negative emotions in your life. Is it your job, your schoolwork, your colleague? If you’re able to identify what they are, see if you are able to eliminate them from your life, or at least reduce them.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a  public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Success and the Biological Clock by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

Biology is the scientific study of life, covering structure, function, evolution, and interaction. The key branches of biology include molecular biology, genetics, ecology, botany, zoology, and microbiology. For your information, this article is not about health, nor is it about science. It is rather about inspiration, motivation, creative thinking and the relativity of how the biological clock of success works in the attainment of success.

As a trained and passionate Human Capacity Development expert, we shall explore the meaning of the biological clock of success from a different perspective. However, it’s important to make a full disclosure here. I am not a biologist, nor do I have a medical background. However, if you can give me a little bit of your time, you’ll understand what I mean by the biological clock of success.

As human beings we all have our biological clock, and this biological clock means different things to different people. For instance, A woman’s biological clock refers to the natural decline in fertility, which begins gradually in the late 20s, becomes more pronounced after age 35, and drops sharply by age 40, The male biological clock begins to tick in the mid-to-late 30s, with a more significant, accelerated decline in fertility and semen quality often occurring after age 40 to 45.

Again, for ladies, it is generally said that menopause typically starts between the ages of 45 and 55, with the average age being 51–52 in the U.S.  As a student there’s an acceptable time for students to attend elementary school, High School and College. Even though this is not a set rule, it is however believed that when students follow the acceptable standards, it helps to smoothen their academic and professional journey.

For a single man/lady, there’s an acceptable time for marriage which if followed diligently, can have a great and positive impact in the raising of kids. My late mother used to say, when your mates are running, please run with them.

In the journey of life, there’s time for everything, when you miss your miss time, sometimes, it can be hard to catch up. Imagine, if you have a scheduled time to catch a flight, if you don’t get to the airport within a certain time, one might miss their flight because by the time one is done with the checking and custom, it might be late. That tells you, there’s time for everything. In the same manner, in whatever one would like to do in life, there’s time for everything, by the time one misses the appointed or set time, it might be hard to get it back. That’s why it is generally said, when you can lose your money and get it back, you can even lose your health and get it back, but when you lose your time, it will take a miracle to get it back.

In life, each and everyone of us has our biological clock of success, the time of success for Mr. A is quite different from the time of success for Mr. B.  Some people attain success during their teenage years, while some in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. For instance, President Theodore Roosevelt became the United States of America President at the age of 42 which made him the youngest US President, while President Joe Biden became the oldest US president at the age of 78.

As a business owner, some might start a business and break even during their first year, while another person might start a business and break even in their fifth or tenth year. The same principle is applicable for a young student who graduates from college and couldn’t get his dream job until five years later but contrasts it to another student who graduates and gets his dream job within months of graduation. How about a lady who got married and had a child in her first year of marriage, while another person might have a child in 10th year of marriage despite marrying first. There are many twists about this, but here is the message, what matters is not how far, but how well.

This is because no matter how long it took you to get your degree, it may take many failed relationships to find love but you found it. A house bought at 65 is still an accomplishment. So don’t let people bully you with their timeline of success.

As human beings, we all have our biological clock. Everyone has their time of success, so keep working on your craft, continue to develop your craft, continue to network strategically, continue to add value and continue to develop yourself. At the end of the day, when the timing is right, everything will add up.

Sometimes, one might be investing time and energy into a project, and it doesn’t seem to add up well, what the person fails to understand is that there might be an invisible hand working which the person might not see. It can be a case of if the person gets the opportunity, they might not be able to manage it, or it will cause them more harm than good because it’s not suitable for them. Sometimes, it can be a case of one not being fully prepared to attract the due respect and opportunity they are looking for because one will never get the desired opportunity they are looking for until they have developed the capacity to receive it.

There’s a saying that one shouldn’t be angry about what didn’t happen, because what didn’t happen might prevent disaster from happening. What that literally means is that in all situations, let’s give God the glory.

In summary, everyone has a biological clock of success, what is important is for us to continue to develop ourselves, develop our product, services and most importantly continue to show up by putting ourselves out for the universe to acknowledge our work and in due time, we will get our flowers.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Crave the Circle of Your Betters by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

A credible relationship is a valuable currency. A great relationship is priceless. The relationship is even more monumental, when it is contracted with persons much better in status, intelligence, reach and spread, and capabilities than one. Several people come into an individual’s life for several reasons; some are parasitic, while a great many others are symbiotic. However, many people still do not understand the value of having a valuable relationship, in other words, a relationship with someone better than ‘you’.

To succeed in the journey of life, one needs to understand who they are, and know what they want. It’s one thing to know who you are, and another thing to know what you want. Some people know who they are yet unable to decipher what they actually want, while some others know what they want, but lack the ability to know who they are. Let me explain.

If you know who you are, it will be easier to see what you want from someone. For instance, the first thing a single man/lady, who is interested in marriage should figure out is who they are (their temperament, strength, weakness, personality, values, and interest). The ability to know these fundamental information will help to figure out who will complement them.

In another scenario, some people know what they want, but don’t really know who they are. This is why I strongly advocate self-discovery training for anyone interested in starting a business or having a life partner.

I can’t underemphasize the importance of associating with people better than you. On a personal note, my most defining moment in the journey of life and business is relationship. Not only is this relationship defining and resourceful, it is valuable and priceless because I relate closely with people better and more resourceful than me.

A wise man once stated that ‘if I have attained success, it is because I stood on the shoulders of giants’. According to the sage, great men have great habits, they carefully select their partners, a step into their life will make a difference in your own life, absorb their books, listen to their tapes and you will be great like them. As a cultured Nigerian man, we have a saying that ‘when a child washes his hands, he will dine with elders’.

One might be wondering the reasoning behind all these parables. Well, the answer is not far-fetched; it’s all about associating with people better than you, and this is all about relationships. If you don’t have a great relationship with people, it will be hard for them to relate closely with you. Relationship is a skill that needs to be nurtured.

One of the secrets of the little success and impact I have made is the people in my life. I have great and resourceful mentors, who have really made great impacts in life. Based on my personal experience with them, they have introduced me to great minds and have given me access and opportunities money and hard work can’t buy. There are heights I know I may never have attain if not because of God and human relationship.

Did you know that just like mercy works with grace, favor works with relationships. Did you know that just like where your prayers cannot reach, your sacrifice can get you there. In the same vein, where your education can’t get you, your relationship will get you there.

It’s unfortunate that many people don’t know the importance of associating with people better than them. You might be brilliant, sophisticated, confident, and maybe even successful, but I can guarantee you that there’s something you will need because nobody knows or has it all. The truth of the matter is that you can’t be shorter and taller than everyone at the same time. So, no matter how brilliant, sophisticated, confident or even successful one may appear to be, there are people who are more brilliant, more sophisticated, more confident and even more successful than yhem, so be humble just as your heavenly father is humble.

In another way, even when people may not be as smart and confident as you are, the irony of life is that someone somewhere is wishing they were half blessed are you are. Do you see the irony of life? Regardless of where you may belong between these two extremes, resolve today to start associating with those who are better than you. If, for instance, you are afflicted with self-doubt, avoid Brother Thomas, instead visit and cultivate Father Abraham, the grand patriarch of the faith family. If you are a stingy person, begin to associate with a generous mind.

Association in life really matters if they are healthy and valuable, but when it begins to affect your mental health, please avoid it because it is what you feed your mind on that it will digest and send to the universe.

In conclusion, be intentional in cultivating healthy relationships because a large chunk of what happens in your life will be shaped by the people you allowed into it.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Confidence and Succces by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

Did you know confidence is a currency? Confidence is not about one’s strength, but about one’s ability, capacity, capability and competence. When someone is confident, it can be felt. One doesn’t have to say much because their work will speak for them.

Confidence works in all fields of life. A man who wants to talk to a lady must have a level of confidence; a prospective employee must have confidence to pass his examination, and a public speaker must have a decent amount of confidence to speak.

In the legal world, a Latin maxim suggests, “Res Ipsa Loquitur,” meaning that the fact speaks for itself. For the sake of clarity, the maxim means that one doesn’t have to provide much explanation to prove a point in the court of law. For instance, white is white and black is black. So, when one is confident about their work, they don’t need to speak too much about because the work will speak for itself.

To further understand how confidence works, consider Walter Payton’s exposition on knowing the difference between Good and Great; “when you are good at something, you tell everyone, when you’re great at something, they’ll tell you. Isn’t it true that noise is loud while creation is silent? Sometimes, I do wonder why people have the urge to boast about their achievements as opposed to allowing other people to sing their praises. Please, don’t misunderstand me, it’s good to speak about oneself in addition to having high self-esteem; however, the balance is having moderation.

Confidence always stays in the family of humility; they are opposed to pride and arrogance, and those who always feel entitled and sarcastic. Most great leaders who know their worth are humble and charitable in their relationship with those who are inferior, as against arrogant leaders.

Confidence works in different ways.

Whether you are preparing for an examination, a career promotion, soccer, or an athletic competition, you need confidence, because that’s what will set you apart from your contemporaries. That’s why it’s always and generally good to prepare before you begin any major task; failure to do this can lead to disaster because failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

Imagine being called upon to speak or lead an organization; if you don’t do your homework diligently, you are setting yourself up for failure. Contrast the case to a scenario where you could meet President Trump, Elon Musk, or even your idol who has inspired you to become great, and you came prepared with your questions.

Trust me, at the end of the time, if my thinking is right, you might not remain the same again because a lot of mental transformation may have taken place. As a matter of fact, lots of opportunities might open for you to explore simply because you made yourself available and have the confidence to speak up.

Inasmuch as it is generally good for one to prepare, in some cases, one just has to swim inside the oceans because there’s little or no time for preparation. This is an exception to the general rule of life which advocates preparation. I can relate to this rule because I was a victim.

I can vividly remember when I arrived the United States of America and joined the Nigerian Lawyers Association as a graduate student. During the election, I picked up the form for Public Relations Officer; no one contested for the position, so I won unopposed. The interesting thing about this position was that I wasn’t prepared to assume the position; I felt it was like one of those organizations I could handle like I did while in Nigeria. However, one thing is certain: I had subtle confidence in my ability even though I knew the journey would be challenging. The result and experience were totally different.

Confidence doesn’t come easily; it has to be nurtured with preparation, just like gold has to go through fire in the furnace to become refined.

In conclusion, I would like to ask you, what gives you strength, what makes you happy, and what do you do with relative ease? When you figure it out, please focus on it and build it. By the time you are done, you will be amazed at what you have accomplished by applying confidence to your personality.

In conclusion, as your journey in life, please note that foundations are critical in life. They can either mar or make you. So, please pay attention to the foundation you are laying down because at the end of the day, the way you make your bed is the way you will lie on it.

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