Adding Value

Adding Value: How to handle Stress by Henry Ukazu

Published

5 months ago

August 29, 2025

Eric

Dear destiny friends,

Nobody is immune to stress. Fact. Stress is an admixture of natural and emotional causes. Fact. Stress can be managed. Fact.

According to a sage, managing stress is like sitting on a chair; one will continue to adjust until he gets a comfortable position.

In recent times, stress has been laid side by side with the female specie, in the sense that both has a lot in common. As a result, a school of thought has opined that managing a woman is akin to managing stress. But the good news is both can be managed if the right parameter or plug is pulled.

Stress, like the woman, is a “necessary evil” that can’t be avoided. It is, like a woman, a heavy to carry, and so cannot be carried with one hand. A friend once jokingly told me that ‘when you carry a woman who is too heavy for you, consider “offloading” her’. And that’s what we do to stress when it encroaches.

As human beings, we all experience stress in different areas and stages of life. There’s nothing anyone does that does not involve stress. As a student, one must undergo the stress of reading to pass an examination. As a woman, one must undergo the stress of child delivery and raising a child.

As a man, one must involve the stress of working and providing for the family. As a career professional, an employee must undergo the stress of being punctual at work and doing the needful to gain recognition. Even as a Christian, one must avoid certain practices to stay faithful in the sight of God. The list is literally endless.

The big question we must answer or deal with here is how do we manage stress? There are different ways we handle stress just like there are different ways we solve problems. We don’t solve a problem the way the problems come to us; it takes wisdom to solve a problem. Sometimes, we solve a problem with silence, action, and technicality. That’s the same way we handle stress.

I will be sharing helpful tips we can use to handle stress. As human beings, whenever we experience stress, we tend to forget what’s happening around us and focus on the stress. We even forget the positive things that have happened to us. For instance, a woman who is pregnant will technically forget all the good things her partner or anyone has done for her, she will even forget what’s happening in the world, her focus will be on the stress of the pregnancy. That’s the reality of life.

So here is my candid advice for anyone who is experiencing stress.

Identify stress exist

First, one will have to admit he/she is experiencing or undergoing stress, and as such seek help. I say this because identification of a problem is fifty percent solved. When the problem has been identified, the next step is to look for the person with the solution. According to the sage, knowledge is of two kinds, it’s either you know the answer, or you know where to find it.

Practice Gratitude.

It’s indisputable we do have good and bad days as humans, so a great way of living life is by trying to be grateful for what life brings to us knowing fully well the universe has previously brought good days to us. It’s sad, as human beings, we tend to mostly focus on the negative things humans have done to us instead of focusing more on the good things they have done.

Let me share a story I recently about gratitude, there are two friends (Mr. A and Mr. B) who were on a journey, Mr. A slapped Mr. B and Mr. B wrote on the sand, my best friend slapped me. When they got to the river, Mr. B had a hard time crossing over, and Mr. B assisted him, and when they got to the shore, Mr. A wrote on the rock, my best friend saved my life.

When they got to their destination, Mr. A asked Mr. B, “Why did you write on the sand when I slapped you and wrote on the rock I saved your life when I saved your life?” Mr. B answered, when anyone hurts you, it’s advisable to write it on the sand because the water will wash it away, but when anyone does you a favor write it on your heart (rock) where it can’t be erased. This is the attitude of dealing with stress. The moral is when we focus on the negative aspect of life, it has a way of increasing our sorrows.

Still on gratitude, as a healthy way of living life, before the day is over reflect on your day and review your accomplishment by appreciating yourself. Most of the time, we don’t take time to celebrate little wins. If you do this, it’s capable of relieving your stress.

Planning

Another way of managing stress is by planning. As humans, sometimes, we tend to leave important things until the last minute before we begin to prepare. This attitude is capable of leading to stress because we will be joggling between meeting up and not forgetting anything. But when we plan, we reduce the stress magnet. So, here is my advice, consider planning your day at least 24hours to avoid unnecessary stress hormones creeping in.

Still on planning, it’s highly advisable for one to avoid wasting time on frivolous activities. There are lots of time-wasting activities that don’t add meaningful progress and value to our life. Most of the time, we spend major time on minor activities that have little impact in our life and spend less time on major activities that’s suppose to add value to our life.

Rest

Do you know that stress can be reduced by taking a thirty-minute walk? Most people don’t know that nature is beautiful. Spending time with nature is a blissful experience most people are yet to explore. For instance, walking has a way of boosting our mental state of mind. Walking is not only a form of exercise, but also a form of resting.

Also, consider taking a deep breath every morning by breathing excessively. This habit if properly nurtured can be a game changer. For instance, if you encounter an unpleasant situation, just breathe in and out deeply and say, this too shall pass. Also consider drinking water every day, it has a way of relieving one from stress.

Practice Kindness

A great act of stress reduction that has greatly helped me is by practicing acts of kindness. On a personal note, whenever I’m stressed, and I see someone who is feeling stressed and I’m able to counsel or assist the person to feel good, I tend to feel much better. Overtime, I began to wonder, does it mean for me to be happy, I must show other people love and concern. The inherent message here is that I do feel good whenever I put smiles on people’s faces. This is a rare trait only people with a heart of service and empathy can exhibit. Consider doing a rare act of kindness and see the effect it will have on your mental being.

Reading

Do you know some people relieve stress by reading? Yes, reading has an impact on our mindset. Christians who read the Bible do feel a form of relief especially when they see stories which are related to theirs. Also, the Bible has a way of encouraging us to be strong when we go through storms. For instance, the Bible states in Matthew 11:28, “come unto me, all you that labor and are heavy load and I will give you rest”.

Do you know when we learn something new everyday, it can help us to reduce stress because it will take our mind out from the stress we are dealing with. So, consider reading or learning something new today.

Declutter Your Mind.

Our mindset is very strong. It’s whatever we feed the mind that it will process. Decluttering the mind is a great way of relieving stress. We juggle through many things due to the vicissitudes of life, we deal with family issues, work issues, personal issues, mental issues, business, government etc. All this has the capacity to weigh us down and thereby give us stress.

We can declutter the mind by meditating at least 30 minutes every day. I personally do this at intervals during the day, but mostly during my quiet moments in the morning and night. When we allow stress to fill our mind, there’s little we can do. To fix stress, I do apply the serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr which says “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

In conclusion, stress is not healthy for our mental health. To be productive, one must be mentally, spiritually, physically, and financially stable. So, whenever one experiences stress, please seek help.

Adding Value

Adding Value: Consciously Select the ‘Food’ You Consume by Henry Ukazu

Published

2 days ago

January 10, 2026

Eric

Dear Destiny Friends,

Food is an integral component for living and existence because among other things, it provides energy and nourishment to the physical body. However, it must be consciously selected in other not to run into crisis.

Different kinds of food serve different purposes to the human body depending on the immediate and remote needs. That explains the reason doctors and health practitioners have advised on certain meals to be taken for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And because these serve different purposes, one must therefore, be intentional in selecting the food they eat. It is worthy of note that when one eats a heavy meal at breakfast which is supposedly meant for lunch, there’s the tendency they might not be able to function optimally.

The importance of choosing what goes into the human system as food cannot be overemphasized taking into cognizance that different foods work for different people. This is because they have different taste buds and distinct preferences.

For me, I love having breakfast. As a matter of fact, breakfast for me is the most important meal of the day. If I have have my breakfast, I can practically ‘stay woke’ the whole day.

Again, I love fruits with passion, especially when it’s organic. I can take fruits all day and be fine. This again means, I know what works for me, and so I am intentional in selecting the kind of fruits and food I eat.

Making choices of this nature however, does not relate to food alone. When metaphorically use, food can refer to every facet of living to contributes to growth. An average human being is therefore, expected to choose and dictate the directions of their relationships, professions/business, lifestyle, spiritual life, academic life, health routine, family outlook, and even outfit. It should be noted that anything one does in life, is a function of selection. Every area of our life is centered on choice.

Back to the literal food; while there are different options of food, an individual can decide to stick to a particular one. This is applicable to all other aspects of life. So, before one wears any cloth, it is believed that he must have made the choice out of many options.

As a living being, it’s not all kinds of food that must be eaten, the tantalizing appearance notwithstanding. There are some foods one will eat, and one’s body will react to it. That’s why it’s important for one to determine what works for them. Selecting the food we eat is like selecting the lifestyle we intend to live.

In the journey of life, we must select the kind of lifestyle we would like to live, if we select a bad lifestyle, we’ll have to live with the consequences. There’s no human action without a corresponding consequence. If you do good for someone, it has a way of coming back to you soon directly or indirectly. If you do bad, you will understand the meaning of actions that have consequences.

A case of action with consequences can be likened to the now trending story of a Nigerian Pastor, Chris Okafor, who was alleged to have committed sexual immorality with many ladies while legally married, in addition to living a lifestyle that is unbecoming of a pastor. All his acts were not publicly known until he offended one of his numerous sex partners, one Ms. Doris Ogala.

According to the lady, Okafor promised her marriage, but chose to abandon her after numerous sexual escapades with her. Due to the pain she experienced, she began to expose him on all fronts. The public shame following the ‘pastor’ is the consequence of the action of sinful life he chose.

As an observer on the street, I realized one thing, it’s not all food one is supposed to eat. As a man, sometimes, you are supposed to fast from some food no matter how appetizing it may appear. Sometimes, act like you didn’t see the food just to preserve your sanity, and sometimes, dignity.

Pastor Chris has allegedly tested many foods, unfortunately there was a meal he tasted, and he began to purge. That single meal has exposed and unearthed a lot which was not publicly available and many interested persons, especially ladies, who have been victims have begun to share their personal experiences with pastor Chris, and this has led the security agencies to wade into the allegations against him. Again, this goes to tell you, it’s not every food one must eat.

As a cultural Igbo man from Nigeria, we have an adage that says, nobody knows the womb that will bore a king tomorrow. This adage insinuates that, as human beings, nobody knows where the next opportunity will come from, and in the same manner nobody knows the allegation or challenge that may lead to their downfall. So, it’s important for one to be intentional about how they live their life.

As a man, one must have a certain level of decency, especially if they want to go far. One must also be intentional with their life. Once it’s screwed, it will be hard to fix.

As a career and life coach, there are many opportunities flying all over the space, and it’s normal for one to jump into any industry because it seems to be paying well, or it appears to have lots of growth opportunities. But most people fail to understand that just like there are sands everywhere, opportunities abound everywhere.

When faced with such temptation, what a rational mind must do is to determine whether that opportunity is right for them. It’s always good for one to do what’s best for them, and that entails working on their God given purpose. Failure to do this might make one to work like an elephant and eat like an ant. Even if one is lucky to succeed in that career/business, if they decide to change careers, they might not be happy in addition to having a fulfilling life.

One may have a different attitude to this because they will prefer to cry in a limousine than to cry in a bike or bus, but the truth must be stated, there’s a stage one will get in life and they will realize that if money is the only thing they have, they are poor.

There are many people who married because of money, looks and social status, and today they are either divorced or not happy. Money does not solve all the problems in marriage, neither does looks, faithfulness and sex solve all the problems. What’s important is the shared beliefs in alignment and purpose when two partners are committed to make the relationship work.

In summary, selecting your food is a hypothetical way of informing everyone that we must be intentional with our life. If you see something you like whether it relates to business, education, career, relationship, spirituality or personal, please commit to it regardless of the distractions and detractions that will come in the form of challenges and obstacles. If one can stay strong, they will smile at the end of the day.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@glo emi.com

Adding Value

Adding Value: How Experience and Mentors Shape Growth by Henry Ukazu

Published

1 week ago

January 3, 2026

Eric

Dear Destiny Friends,

Experience, by every standard, is a prerequisite for any human to move to the next stage of growth and existence. Experience comes in different forms as one journeys through life, covering health, finance, relationship, marriage, family, personal development or spirituality. We gain valuable experiences that help us see life or understand it in more ways than one.

It is right to say, we are shaped by the experiences life gives to us. It is always advisable to look at life more wholistically as opposed to concentrating on its negative aspects. Sometimes, our experience can serve as the game-changer we need to move to the next phase of our life, but before that can be done, we have to appreciate the experience.

For instance, when we go through turmoil, we experience discomfort, no doubt, but the inherent lessons lie in humility, prudence, patience, and even leadership. In some cases, the experience might be for someone else whom the universe might bring our way for us to teach them how to navigate the problem.

It is generally said that a smart man learns from his mistakes, but a smarter man learns from another person’s mistakes, and this is where the experience of life comes in. As progressive minds, we need the experience of mentors and those who have gone before us to teach us what we don’t know.

In business, an apprentice needs the tutelage of their boss to understand how to succeed in a particular industry or business. A mentee needs the experience of their mentors to succeed. A newly married couple needs the experience of seasoned couples to navigate the challenges of marriage. Even adults need the experience of their parents to know how to raise their children. The list is endless.

To understand how experience works, consider the story of a young man whose car broke down along the road. All efforts to fix the car proved abortive. While he was wondering what to do, an elderly man who was driving by stopped beside him, and inquired if there was a challenge. He stated that his car broke down and he’s having a hard time trying to fix it.

The old man offered to help. Though the young man hesitated, wondering what an old man could do, he yielded on second thought, and gave the old man a chance. After all, he had done all in his capacity, and yet, no solution. The old man opened the bonnet, hit a knob, and told the young man to restart the car. To his amazement, the car buzzed into life. In excitement, he asked the old man, ‘who are you?’, and he replied, ‘I’m Mr. Ford, the owner of Ford Motors’. The young man was humbled.

Now this is what I call experience. You can’t beat a man with experience. If Henry Ford didn’t have experience with his products, he wouldn’t have been able to fix the car.

There’s another story where a mentor was teaching a mentee about the importance of experience. According to the mentor, when the man with experience meets the man with money, the man with money will have to lose his money to gain experience, and the man with experience will have to use his experience to gain money.

According to Abraham Lincoln, “If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend the first four of them sharpening my axe”. A man without experience might spend the entire six hours cutting down the tree, and that alone can be exhausting and draining. This goes to tell you the importance of mentors. Without the experience of mentors, one may work harder, but with the influence of mentors, one will work smarter.

In the course of life, many people think they can navigate life hurdles on their own. This set of people gets burned out; they fail to understand that mentors are lifesavers.

According to an African proverb, ‘if one wants to go fast, he will go alone, but if he wants to go far, he must go with a team’. Another African proverb states that “What an old man sees while sitting down on a tree, no matter how tall a child grows, he won’t see it”. These two quotes emphasize the importance of mentors in the life of a progressive mind.

One of the most uncharitable disservices I can do in life is to attribute my success to myself as a result of my hard work. My life has literally been shaped by the role of mentors and elders whom I hold in high esteem. In some cases, I seek the counsel of younger people who are knowledgeable than me in a particular area, and their suggestions have worked like magic.

Sometimes, I laugh at people who attribute their success to their personal development. In some cases, they say they are self-made. Don’t get me wrong, personal development and hard work contribute to the success of human beings because even if you have mentors and elders, who guide and support you, if you are not determined to succeed, success will definitely elude you.

Let me share a practical experience with you. I was given an opportunity to publish my weekly articles on a notable platform by one of my mentors. This mentor of mine is not responsible for writing the articles; he just gave me a platform, and each time I write, I have an editor who reviews my work before it gets published. Now, somebody reading my work will think I’m a smart man, but the truth is that I’m not just smart; rather, I am smart by association because I have a team that assists in shaping my work. Do you see that nobody is self-made?

Furthermore, there are opportunities and doors I know for a fact I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to penetrate if not for the role of mentors and elders in my life, whom I occasionally seek their advice. They serve as a strong support system to me both in my personal and professional development.

As you journey through life and experience, please don’t take it personal. Sometimes, the trials, setbacks, and challenges we go through are targeted and structured in such a way that God is positioning you to use them to counsel or assist someone in the near future. In some cases, it might be to strengthen or benefit you.

In summary, we all need the experience of life and mentors to navigate through life.

Adding Value

Adding Value: Life is a Mystery by Henry Ukazu

Published

2 weeks ago

December 27, 2025

Eric

Dear Destiny Friends,

Ever wondered how one sleeps and wakes up? Ever wondered where the spirit goes while we sleep? The answer is hidden in mysteries because life, and by extension, existence, is full of mysteries.

On a personal note, I do believe that whenever we sleep, we are basically practicing how to die because no one knows the whereabouts of the spirit and souls. All we know is that we wake at the break of dawn, or when there’s a stirring, either naturally or artificial. That is a mystery!

Have you also ever imagined how a man will have sexual intercourse with a lady and a child is born? Have you also ever wondered about the mystery surrounding death? Have you also imagined how human beings fall in love with the opposite sex despite various variables. Again, each time I fly in the air, I begin to wonder about the invention surrounding the aeroplane. So many questions begging for answers. The mysteries surrounding life is inexhaustible.

For the benefit of hindsight, life is indeed a mystery. Sometimes, we think we understand it, and other times, it humbles us with its complexities. Life can be likened to a woman; the more you try to understand them, the more confused you become.

I had to give this introductory analysis to buttress the significance surrounding the mysteries of life. Why do I say this? Nothing is permanent in life, and as such anyone can be great and successful tomorrow. In my native Igbo (Nigerian) language, we have a saying that “nobody knows the stomach that will birth a king tomorrow”, and “tomorrow is pregnant”. These are evidence of the mysterious nature of life.

In my journey through life, I have met angels and devils in human form, who have played different roles in shaping my thoughts and outlook towards life. While I thought certain people will bring smiles to my life, they turned around to make me question their intentions and mindset. But the people I had some reservations with turned out to be some of the best things that have happened to me. For instance, I have a dear friend turned brother, whom I hold in high esteem. His name is Sodeeq Sulyman. He is the Chief Operating Officer of my company.

As a matter of fact, today is his birthday. He met me on X and reached out to me to be his mentor. I was literally humbled because that was the first time someone was making a firm request of me. I gladly accepted the request, and today our friendship, brotherhood and relationship has truly blossomed. This young man is literally one of the best things that has happened to my life. If I was told he will change the outlook of my life, business and life generally, I wouldn’t have believed it.

But as my late mother would always say, when you meet people just take the good part and leave the bad part. In all sincerity, I strongly believe our meeting was predestined, and mysterious if the circumstance of our meeting is x-rayed.

Here is the message, never look down on anyone except you are helping them to do something or pick something. Another message is don’t give up on anyone because you don’t know what tomorrow will unfold. Even the Bible book of life states in Proverbs 118:22, “the stone which the people rejected has become the cornerstone”. So, it’s instructive for one to be kind, courteous and humble in relationship with human beings because nobody knows what life will unfold tomorrow.

Imagine, if I had not treated this young man very well or even accepted him, I would probably have met other minds, who would have given me an experience of a lifetime I wouldn’t forget in a hurry.

The mystery of life can be seen in wealth creation. A man of means today can become a beggar tomorrow if the wealth is not properly managed, and the child of a certified pauper can become a man of means tomorrow. There have been stories of wealthy men whose children mismanaged their parents’ and became hungry, while slaves of wealthy men became stupendously wealthy. What does that tell you? Nothing is guaranteed in life. I often wonder how people take life very seriously thinking everything is about them. They don’t even know they can sleep and not wake up the next morning, nor are they aware of the fact that pride and ego are the two greatest enemies that can fast track the downfall of a man, while humility can jump-start their elevation.

As human beings sometimes, we wonder where our next meal will come from. Where would our next business, money, spouse, opportunity come from are some of the questions that bug our minds? One might have a business that has little or no hope of succeeding, but with determination and favour from God, the business will turn around for good.

On a personal note, I have been in a scenario where I lost hope of succeeding or moving to the next round, but I was surprised when the universe came through in ways and manners I couldn’t comprehend. I believe we all have one story or another to share as it relates to the mysteries of life. I can vividly recall when my late dad was very sick in the hospital. As a matter of fact, he was adjudged to be the sickest patient in the hospital. The doctor who was treating him said, he lost his mother to the exact sickness my late dad was facing. But with prayer, my late dad was able to survive to the amazement of everyone. He was later adjudged to be a miracle patient because he was given a slim opportunity to survive.

I don’t know what your storyline might be nor do I know what you are experiencing in your academic, business, health, career, or family life. One message I have for you is that nothing lasts forever. If you give it time, one day you’ll laugh and thank God for the experience and lessons life has offered you because life is a mystery one may not understand. It unfolds as it chooses.