Adding Value
Adding Value: How to handle Stress by Henry Ukazu
Published
3 months agoon
By
Eric
Dear destiny friends,
Nobody is immune to stress. Fact. Stress is an admixture of natural and emotional causes. Fact. Stress can be managed. Fact.
According to a sage, managing stress is like sitting on a chair; one will continue to adjust until he gets a comfortable position.
In recent times, stress has been laid side by side with the female specie, in the sense that both has a lot in common. As a result, a school of thought has opined that managing a woman is akin to managing stress. But the good news is both can be managed if the right parameter or plug is pulled.
Stress, like the woman, is a “necessary evil” that can’t be avoided. It is, like a woman, a heavy to carry, and so cannot be carried with one hand. A friend once jokingly told me that ‘when you carry a woman who is too heavy for you, consider “offloading” her’. And that’s what we do to stress when it encroaches.
As human beings, we all experience stress in different areas and stages of life. There’s nothing anyone does that does not involve stress. As a student, one must undergo the stress of reading to pass an examination. As a woman, one must undergo the stress of child delivery and raising a child.
As a man, one must involve the stress of working and providing for the family. As a career professional, an employee must undergo the stress of being punctual at work and doing the needful to gain recognition. Even as a Christian, one must avoid certain practices to stay faithful in the sight of God. The list is literally endless.
The big question we must answer or deal with here is how do we manage stress? There are different ways we handle stress just like there are different ways we solve problems. We don’t solve a problem the way the problems come to us; it takes wisdom to solve a problem. Sometimes, we solve a problem with silence, action, and technicality. That’s the same way we handle stress.
I will be sharing helpful tips we can use to handle stress. As human beings, whenever we experience stress, we tend to forget what’s happening around us and focus on the stress. We even forget the positive things that have happened to us. For instance, a woman who is pregnant will technically forget all the good things her partner or anyone has done for her, she will even forget what’s happening in the world, her focus will be on the stress of the pregnancy. That’s the reality of life.
So here is my candid advice for anyone who is experiencing stress.
Identify stress exist
First, one will have to admit he/she is experiencing or undergoing stress, and as such seek help. I say this because identification of a problem is fifty percent solved. When the problem has been identified, the next step is to look for the person with the solution. According to the sage, knowledge is of two kinds, it’s either you know the answer, or you know where to find it.
Practice Gratitude.
It’s indisputable we do have good and bad days as humans, so a great way of living life is by trying to be grateful for what life brings to us knowing fully well the universe has previously brought good days to us. It’s sad, as human beings, we tend to mostly focus on the negative things humans have done to us instead of focusing more on the good things they have done.
Let me share a story I recently about gratitude, there are two friends (Mr. A and Mr. B) who were on a journey, Mr. A slapped Mr. B and Mr. B wrote on the sand, my best friend slapped me. When they got to the river, Mr. B had a hard time crossing over, and Mr. B assisted him, and when they got to the shore, Mr. A wrote on the rock, my best friend saved my life.
When they got to their destination, Mr. A asked Mr. B, “Why did you write on the sand when I slapped you and wrote on the rock I saved your life when I saved your life?” Mr. B answered, when anyone hurts you, it’s advisable to write it on the sand because the water will wash it away, but when anyone does you a favor write it on your heart (rock) where it can’t be erased. This is the attitude of dealing with stress. The moral is when we focus on the negative aspect of life, it has a way of increasing our sorrows.
Still on gratitude, as a healthy way of living life, before the day is over reflect on your day and review your accomplishment by appreciating yourself. Most of the time, we don’t take time to celebrate little wins. If you do this, it’s capable of relieving your stress.
Planning
Another way of managing stress is by planning. As humans, sometimes, we tend to leave important things until the last minute before we begin to prepare. This attitude is capable of leading to stress because we will be joggling between meeting up and not forgetting anything. But when we plan, we reduce the stress magnet. So, here is my advice, consider planning your day at least 24hours to avoid unnecessary stress hormones creeping in.
Still on planning, it’s highly advisable for one to avoid wasting time on frivolous activities. There are lots of time-wasting activities that don’t add meaningful progress and value to our life. Most of the time, we spend major time on minor activities that have little impact in our life and spend less time on major activities that’s suppose to add value to our life.
Rest
Do you know that stress can be reduced by taking a thirty-minute walk? Most people don’t know that nature is beautiful. Spending time with nature is a blissful experience most people are yet to explore. For instance, walking has a way of boosting our mental state of mind. Walking is not only a form of exercise, but also a form of resting.
Also, consider taking a deep breath every morning by breathing excessively. This habit if properly nurtured can be a game changer. For instance, if you encounter an unpleasant situation, just breathe in and out deeply and say, this too shall pass. Also consider drinking water every day, it has a way of relieving one from stress.
Practice Kindness
A great act of stress reduction that has greatly helped me is by practicing acts of kindness. On a personal note, whenever I’m stressed, and I see someone who is feeling stressed and I’m able to counsel or assist the person to feel good, I tend to feel much better. Overtime, I began to wonder, does it mean for me to be happy, I must show other people love and concern. The inherent message here is that I do feel good whenever I put smiles on people’s faces. This is a rare trait only people with a heart of service and empathy can exhibit. Consider doing a rare act of kindness and see the effect it will have on your mental being.
Reading
Do you know some people relieve stress by reading? Yes, reading has an impact on our mindset. Christians who read the Bible do feel a form of relief especially when they see stories which are related to theirs. Also, the Bible has a way of encouraging us to be strong when we go through storms. For instance, the Bible states in Matthew 11:28, “come unto me, all you that labor and are heavy load and I will give you rest”.
Do you know when we learn something new everyday, it can help us to reduce stress because it will take our mind out from the stress we are dealing with. So, consider reading or learning something new today.
Declutter Your Mind.
Our mindset is very strong. It’s whatever we feed the mind that it will process. Decluttering the mind is a great way of relieving stress. We juggle through many things due to the vicissitudes of life, we deal with family issues, work issues, personal issues, mental issues, business, government etc. All this has the capacity to weigh us down and thereby give us stress.
We can declutter the mind by meditating at least 30 minutes every day. I personally do this at intervals during the day, but mostly during my quiet moments in the morning and night. When we allow stress to fill our mind, there’s little we can do. To fix stress, I do apply the serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr which says “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.
In conclusion, stress is not healthy for our mental health. To be productive, one must be mentally, spiritually, physically, and financially stable. So, whenever one experiences stress, please seek help.
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Adding Value
Adding Value: Speak the ‘Language’ People Understand by Henry Ukazu
Published
7 days agoon
November 28, 2025By
Eric
Dear Destiny Friends,
The ability to speak the ‘language’ people understand is a very important skill, and whoever masters it, has gained a profitable advantage. The ability therefore, to strategically use language can be a game changer in life and business. In all honesty, anyone, who can relate to the act of speaking languages people understand, stands a better chance of attracting more opportunities. Language is a skill; the more the skill a person has, the more resourceful they will be.
Every business, politics, game, religion, relationship/marriage, and art have a language. Even a little child has a language. One must be able to speak the language of that child to work with the child. The ability of one to use it very well can be a game changer.
There’s no field or subject in life that is not governed by its own language. The language is the code or key, which when rightly used or applied, any door opens.
Let’s take a case study of marriage; the truth is there’s no perfect marriage anywhere, the love the couples claim to share notwithstanding. There will come a day when either one of them will lose it, and the hormones will flare up. The ability of one of the couples to speak the language the other person understands can calm the nerves of the other. The inability of one to speak the right language can make things go out of hand.
Certain things work for certain people. Everyone is different and unique; what works for someone might not work for another person. So, the ability to know what works for someone and judiciously use it has the potential of opening doors and opportunity because, according to my late mother, human beings are the most difficult people to work with.
In business, if one is seeking a grant or opportunity from an investor, one must be able to speak or convey his thought in an appealing way in such a way the investor will find it attractive. And that entails putting down certain information that is needed for a proposal to receive a positive recommendation. This is not about trying to fake life, rather, it’s a strategic and wise way of showing how informed and proactive one can be.
Let’s take a case study of human attraction. For any man to successfully woo a lady, he must speak or act in a certain way that the lady finds appealing, and that entails having a good dress sense, having the fear of God, being financially and professionally stable, showing care and empathy, amongst other qualities. The same is applicable to a woman who wants to attract a man, she must be able to ‘speak’ the man’s language.
In politics, the language is loyalty. It’s only an ungrateful master who wouldn’t want to appreciate a loyal servant who has served him faithfully when an opportunity arises.
The importance of language in life cannot be overemphasized. When it comes to spirituality, certain offerings work for certain gods, or God. To benefit from your altar, one must speak the language of their god/God. For instance, those who offer sacrifice to fake deities must continually offer sacrifice in order for their “powers” to be renewed. The same is applicable to those who believe in the one true God, one must continually abstain from immorality and vices in order to receive blessings from Him.
In summary, if you want to succeed in life, endeavour to find out what language works for anyone or any industry. And when it is found, and worked on, the doors must surely open.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
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Adding Value
Adding Value: The Wealthy Mindset by Henry Ukazu
Published
3 weeks agoon
November 15, 2025By
Eric
Dear Destiny Friends,
Wealth is of the mind, and not necessarily the amount of money in one’s pocket or in the bank. It takes a great mind to know that if the only thing one has is money, that person is poor because at a stage in life, money may not play any role. It is worth noting that for one to pay for everything they need in life, it’s either they are poor, or you haven’t invested in anyone.
It’s always good therefore, to live for humanity. Life is not about ‘me’, but about humanity. When you consider other people, life works out for you. This is a timeless principle I have adopted overtime, especially when I see a progressive mind who is hungry to learn.
One of the reasons most people are poor is simply because they have the wrong mindset, ideology and information. It’s instructive to know that when you learn well, you stand a better chance of earning well because the more you know, the more you get paid. Nobody pays anyone what they desire, but what they deserve.
Let me explain a little; a poor mind will think a rich man is wasting money by paying triple for a three-bedroom apartment in a porsche neighborhood while a rich mind will think he’s paying for security, and peace of mind.
Again, a poor mind will think a rich man is being extravagant when he buys a luxury perfume or watch when he can buy a decent perfume which ordinarily will perform the same service, but a wealthy mind knows that in the real world, life is governed by perception. According to Dr. Joe Abah, “as a man, there are three things you shouldn’t compromise: solid watch, good shoes and nice perfume”. He further went on to state you can be as casual as you like but once those three things are present, you don’t need to tell anyone you are decently comfortable.
Do you see that life is not about how much you have, but how you manage what you have, but more importantly, how you people perceive you. Some people might have money, but they will find it difficult to invest in their outlook by buying decent clothes, perfumes, shoes and watches.
Another great source of wealth is information. Like I always say, information is power. If you are not informed, you are ill-informed, and once you are ill-informed, you can’t perform because information leads to reformation and transformation. So, it’s fair to say information leads to formation. You are a product of what you know.
It’s sad that many people don’t take time to invest in themselves by buying books of interest, paying for certification courses to enhance their knowledge, or even volunteering their time to intern to learn how great or successful people think.
When rich minds invest their minds to seek knowledge to gain information and knowledge which will set them apart from their contemporaries, they tend to gain access to opportunities in which they can earn decent money, entitled minds will begin to beg for money. That’s poverty mindset.
It should be noted, nobody owes you anything, most people worked hard to get to where they are today. They didn’t succeed because they looked nice, or luck favored them. Yes, those might be contributory factors, but the sacrosanct truth remains that, in civilized climes, they did the work, after all, luck is opportunity meeting preparation. If they were not prepared, the opportunity would have slipped by, and they would not have succeeded.
When we talk of wealth, it doesn’t only relate to money, wealth can also relate to how one thinks, speaks, acts, and prays. All these play critical roles in defining a human being. According to the Bible in Proverbs 17: 28, “Even a fool is considered wise if he keeps silent, and discerning when he holds his tongue”. So if you are unsure about something, it is better to keep quiet because when you open your mouth, you tell the world who you are. So, when you meet a great mind, be careful how you engage them. That’s why it’s generally stated that it takes a minute for a great man to know if he likes someone who is seeking an opportunity. These great minds have six sense perception. They have the discerning minds to see through your mind.
There was a story I recently read from Dr. Femi Otedola’s book, “Making it Big”. The story is that of a young man who was trying to strike a deal with the business mogul. He came in an inferior car and was looking for a multi-million naira contract, Dr. Femi Otedola, being a shrewd businessman, evaluated the man and priced the him low, forcing him to grudgingly accept.
When the contact was sealed and the young man was about to leave, Dr. Femi called him back and asked him, do you know I priced you low? The man said no. Dr. Otedola said, it doesn’t make business sense to come with a cheap car to seek a multi-million business contract. What that really means is that you ought to dress the way you want to appear. Mr. Otedola, went on to inform him that in life, especially in business, perception rules.
Did you see it would have been better for the man to come in a decent car even though it doesn’t belong to him because he wouldn’t have been prized low. As a matter of fact, his value would have been elevated. The car opened a lot of canker worms about his mindset. Did you see that this statement corroborates with what the Bible stated in Proverbs 17:28.
The power of the mind can’t be overemphasized. Mindset cuts across every corner of our life. My late dad used to own a hospital with his brother, the motto of the hospital was “we care, but God cures”. That to me was very inspiring to know that doctors and nurses were limited in their thought process.
Furthermore, I once visited a general hospital in my hometown in Nigeria, each time I visited the hospital to see a patient, I discovered there’s always a gospel song in the background with a melodic soothing message to comfort everyone. In all honesty, even if one has given up hope of recovering, the song is capable of restoring hope. Again, that’s the power of the mind.
The moral here is that the mind controls everything. Napoleon Hill stated in his famous book, “Think and Grow Rich”, that “whatsoever the mind can conceive, believe, it can achieve it’.
In conclusion, if you want to be wealthy, please consider working on your mindset because that’s where everything, including success and failure start and end.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
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Adding Value
Adding Value: How to Receive by Henry Ukazu
Published
4 weeks agoon
November 8, 2025By
Eric
Dear Destiny Friends,
To some people, giving is a lifestyle while to some others, it is a burden. However, it should be noted that it is not only the person that has enough that gives, rather the person with a heart of giving.
Overtime, I have discovered that giving means different things to different people. While some people genuinely give to show concern, some people give to show appreciation and gratitude for favors received. A lot more others give for economic reasons like in the United States of America, where charitable giving can be considered for tax deduction. So, some people give to write off debts for taxable purposes. Maybe, they wouldn’t give if the tax code didn’t make that provision. Who knows? Some people even give because it is spiritually advised so that they can receive from the creator (God).
If you are asked why you give or what’s the reason behind your giving, what will be your answer? Personally, I love to give because giving makes me happy. This is how I see giving. Whenever I see anyone who is going through a lot, I feel much better when I assist them in alleviating or solving their problem. One of my favorite lines in the Bible is Matthew 11:28 which says, “Come to me all you that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”. What the passage means is that God is our greatest succor whenever we are stressed. He advises us to bring our burden to him, and he will make us feel good.
Unfortunately however, we live in a society that loves to receive as opposed to giving. Many people derive joy in seeking assistance whether it relates to money, resources, or knowledge, but very few people selflessly bring their time to give and share their time and resources. One of my mentors once said, the givers hand is always on top while the receiver’s hand is always below. So, the question one needs to ask himself is, where do you want to belong?
One of the best things that can happen to anyone is to have a heart that gives. I recently read a book titled “Making it Big” by Dr. Femi Otedola, a global philanthropist. In his book, he stated that he got to a stage in life where he had to ask himself what makes him happy? He reflected deeply on that question and pondered on it for a while only for him to discover that giving is one of the greatest things that makes him happy. He went further to list all his philanthropic works which have endeared him to the hearts of people.
Dr. Femi Otedola, despite being a shrewd businessman has a large heart when it comes to giving. I have personally discovered that when one gives genuinely without any sentiments or emotions, it has a way of coming back to them in a hundred fold.
When one gives with love, God, in His infinite mercy might not give you back money, he might decide to give you good health, good children, good employees, mentors, opportunities etc. But ignorant minds won’t understand that these are what truly matter.
Uninformed minds would like to receive financial rewards, but they fail to understand that if you are given money, one might use that same money to treat oneself in the hospital or buy luxurious vehicles that might crash leading to their death. They can even use the money to build houses, factories, companies, etc. which can be consumed by fire. Do you see how God blesses one?
Having written about the importance of receiving, the big question we now must ask ourselves is how do we receive? To receive or attract favour, one must either give, solve problems or add value. These three principles are the factors responsible for changing the fortunes of any progressive mind.
Let’s take them one after another:
Giving
I call the act of giving, a womb opener. When you give, the style, manner and mindset of giving can be the game changer of your life. I can’t explain how giving has opened doors for me. Giving is one of the secrets that endeared me to a lot of resourceful minds. When I talk of giving in this context, I’m referring to both financially and resourceful. I give to my mentors, friends, mentees, family, relatives, strangers, God etc., and trust me the rewards have been fulfilling.
Over time, I have had conversations with people who feel giving to mentors is a waste of money because they are already rich and wealthy. I have a different mindset to that thought pattern. Your mentors or benefactors are always on the givers side, and it’s okay for one to think they don’t have any problem, but the truth is that they might have more problems than me and you, but they tend to manage or keep it close to their heart. Trust me, great men have deeper needs, so when someone gives them money or gift, it hits them differently. But more importantly, it separates you from the rank and file of people who might be classified as beggars.
It is generally stated that givers never lack, but I stand to disagree slightly, givers do lack when they don’t give with wisdom. Some people just give indiscriminately when they hear pitiable stories. While all these things are capable of making someone give, one has to be mindful of being moved with emotions and sentiments because when problems come, it won’t come with emotions and sentiments. As a matter of fact, when people see you can be swayed by emotion they can manipulate and play with your brain just to squeeze some money from you. Here is what I will advise, have a charitable benchmark for giving. I say this because when you don’t plan for your money, other folks will plan it for you.
Solve Problems
This right here is one of the best ways if not the best way to receive money. Nobody just gives their hard-earned money for fun because they like just like you without attaching the money for a cause. If you don’t have money, the reason is often because you are not solving a problem, or you are not solving enough problems, or you are not solving the right problem or you are not solving problems for the right people.
There’s so much money everywhere. Money surrounds us in the form of problems. It’s up to you to look at your community, company, institution etc. and ask, what can I do to fix these problems or challenges? When you proffer a solution with a better quality, money will come to your pocket. As one of my mentors will say, when the man with money meets the man with experience, the man with money will lose his experience to gain money and the man with experience will part with his experience to gain money.
Here is my advice: instead of begging people for money, ask them what can you do for them?
Add Value
The final but not the least is value. It’s instructive to note that the more you learn, the more you earn. Just like, network, access, education, money, relationship, are regarded as currencies. Value is the new currency. In fact, value is the center of all currency because they have something which people need. If you don’t have value, you won’t be respected or valued. Most times people just think they are nobody, maybe because they think they are poor, or not from a rich family. No, we are all relevant. It’s due to an inferiority complex that will make one to believe they are nobody. Everyone has a value. Provided you are a human being, there is something you can do.
Just like the poor man needs the rich man, the rich man also needs the poor man. Just like the USA doesn’t have all the resources despite being the most powerful nation on the planet, they also have needs, for instance they need some resources from other countries to supplement their needs.
In summary, if you want to receive, ask yourself, what am I giving?
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
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