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Adding Value: How to handle Stress by Henry Ukazu

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Dear destiny friends,

Nobody is immune to stress. Fact. Stress is an admixture of natural and emotional causes. Fact. Stress can be managed. Fact.

According to a sage, managing stress is like sitting on a chair; one will continue to adjust until he gets a comfortable position.

In recent times, stress has been laid side by side with the female specie, in the sense that both has a lot in common. As a result, a school of thought has opined that managing a woman is akin to managing stress. But the good news is both can be managed if the right parameter or plug is pulled.

Stress, like the woman, is a “necessary evil” that can’t be avoided. It is, like a woman, a heavy to carry, and so cannot be carried with one hand. A friend once jokingly told me that ‘when you carry a woman who is too heavy for you, consider “offloading” her’. And that’s what we do to stress when it encroaches.

As human beings, we all experience stress in different areas and stages of life. There’s nothing anyone does that does not involve stress. As a student, one must undergo the stress of reading to pass an examination. As a woman, one must undergo the stress of child delivery and raising a child.

As a man, one must involve the stress of working and providing for the family. As a career professional, an employee must undergo the stress of being punctual at work and doing the needful to gain recognition. Even as a Christian, one must avoid certain practices to stay faithful in the sight of God. The list is literally endless.

The big question we must answer or deal with here is how do we manage stress? There are different ways we handle stress just like there are different ways we solve problems. We don’t solve a problem the way the problems come to us; it takes wisdom to solve a problem. Sometimes, we solve a problem with silence, action, and technicality. That’s the same way we handle stress.

I will be sharing helpful tips we can use to handle stress. As human beings, whenever we experience stress, we tend to forget what’s happening around us and focus on the stress. We even forget the positive things that have happened to us. For instance, a woman who is pregnant will technically forget all the good things her partner or anyone  has done for her, she will even forget what’s happening in the world, her focus will be on the stress of the pregnancy.  That’s the reality of life.

So here is my candid advice for anyone who is experiencing stress.

Identify stress exist

First, one will have to admit he/she is experiencing or undergoing stress, and as such seek help. I say this because identification of a problem is fifty percent solved. When the problem has been identified, the next step is to look for the person with the solution. According to the sage, knowledge is of two kinds, it’s either you know the answer, or you know where to find it.

Practice Gratitude.

It’s indisputable we do have good and bad days as humans, so a great way of living life is by trying to be grateful for what life brings to us knowing fully well the universe has previously brought good days to us. It’s sad, as human beings, we tend to mostly focus on the negative things humans have done to us instead of focusing more on the good things they have done.

Let me share a story I recently about gratitude, there are two friends (Mr. A and Mr. B) who were on a journey, Mr. A slapped Mr. B and Mr. B wrote on the sand, my best friend slapped me. When they got to the river, Mr. B had a hard time crossing over, and Mr. B assisted him, and when they got to the shore, Mr. A wrote on the rock, my best friend saved my life.

When they got to their destination, Mr. A asked Mr. B, “Why did you write on the sand when I slapped you and wrote on the rock I saved your life when I saved your life?” Mr. B answered, when anyone hurts you, it’s advisable to write it on the sand because the water will wash it away, but when anyone does you a favor write it on your heart (rock) where it can’t be erased. This is the attitude of dealing with stress. The moral is when we focus on the negative aspect of life, it has a way of increasing our sorrows.

Still on gratitude, as a healthy way of living life, before the day is over reflect on your day and review your accomplishment by appreciating yourself. Most of the time, we don’t take time to celebrate little wins. If you do this, it’s capable of relieving your stress.

Planning

Another way of managing stress is by planning. As humans, sometimes, we tend to leave important things until the last minute before we begin to prepare. This attitude is capable of leading to stress because we will be joggling between meeting up and not forgetting anything. But when we plan, we reduce the stress magnet. So, here is my advice, consider planning your day at least 24hours to avoid unnecessary stress hormones creeping in.

Still on planning, it’s highly advisable for one to avoid wasting time on frivolous activities. There are lots of time-wasting activities that don’t add meaningful progress and value to our life. Most of the time, we spend major time on minor activities that have little impact in our life and spend less time on major activities that’s suppose to add value to our life.

Rest

Do you know that stress can be reduced by taking a thirty-minute walk? Most people don’t know that nature is beautiful. Spending time with nature is a blissful experience most people are yet to explore. For instance, walking has a way of boosting our mental state of mind. Walking is not only a form of exercise, but also a form of resting.

Also, consider taking a deep breath every morning by breathing excessively. This habit if properly nurtured can be a game changer. For instance, if you encounter an unpleasant situation, just breathe in and out deeply and say, this too shall pass. Also consider drinking water every day, it has a way of relieving one from stress.

Practice Kindness

A great act of stress reduction that has greatly helped me is by practicing acts of kindness. On a personal note, whenever I’m stressed, and I see someone who is feeling stressed and I’m able to counsel or assist the person to feel good, I tend to feel much better. Overtime, I began to wonder, does it mean for me to be happy, I must show other people love and concern. The inherent message here is that I do feel good whenever I put smiles on people’s faces. This is a rare trait only people with a heart of service and empathy can exhibit. Consider doing a rare act of kindness and see the effect it will have on your mental being.

Reading

Do you know some people relieve stress by reading? Yes, reading has an impact on our mindset. Christians who read the Bible do feel a form of relief especially when they see stories which are related to theirs. Also, the Bible has a way of encouraging us to be strong when we go through storms. For instance, the Bible states in Matthew 11:28, “come unto me, all you that labor and are heavy load and I will give you rest”.

Do you know when we learn something new everyday, it can help us to reduce stress because it will take our mind out from the stress we are dealing with. So, consider reading or learning something new today.

Declutter Your Mind.

Our mindset is very strong. It’s whatever we feed the mind that it will process. Decluttering the mind is a great way of relieving stress. We juggle through many things due to the vicissitudes of life, we deal with family issues, work issues, personal issues, mental issues, business, government etc. All this has the capacity to weigh us down and thereby give us stress.

We can declutter the mind by meditating at least 30 minutes every day. I personally do this at intervals during the day, but mostly during my quiet moments in the morning and night. When we allow stress to fill our mind, there’s little we can do. To fix stress, I do apply the serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr which says “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

In conclusion, stress is not healthy for our mental health. To be productive, one must be mentally, spiritually, physically, and financially stable. So, whenever one experiences stress, please seek help.

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Phases and Stages of Life by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

The school of life is an institution no one can graduate from. It is equated to marriage where new things as well as surprises are the order of the day, occurring on a daily basis. However, there are ways to live through life, and one of them is to accept each day as they come.

Life is truly great and enjoyable if we understand it and accept this truth. There’s no doubt that life is such a great challenge, and we must work hard and smart to overcome the challenge. Once we acknowledge it, nothing really matters any longer because life becomes an infinitely easier project to pursue.

As human beings, we will be tested and tempted. One’s ability to overcome each test and temptation will set one on a higher pedestal. The book of life made us understand there’s time for everything. A time to cry, and a time to laugh, a time to sow and a time to reap,  According to the Book of life “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.”

One thing is certain if one looks at the timing- they all come in stages and phases. When there’s misplaced priority, success appears like mirage. One’s ability to manage each phase will strengthen one.

Life comes in several stages. When a child is born, the child will learn to crawl before learning how to walk and run. The same is applicable for a student who is interested in education, he will attend high school, college and post graduate studies. These are all stages of life.

The same phase is applicable in relationships and marriage. During the dating and courting stage, the relationship is different, immediately the parties marry, the tone changes. Marriage has three stages namely: Romance (or Honeymoon) stage, Power Struggle (or Disillusionment) stage, and Real Love (or Mature/Conscious Love) stage.

Let’s analyze each stage:

Romance/Honeymoon: (The “Falling in Love” Phase)

This stage is characterized by high intensity, passion, and bonding. At this stage, partners focus on similarities and overlook flaws. At this stage a partner might step on the other partner and instead of getting hurt, the partner will smile and say something like: I love the way you stepped on me, or step on me harder, it makes me endure the love. At this stage partners do everything together.  This stage usually lasts from a few weeks to a couple of years.

The first three to five years of marriage can generally be regarded as the most challenging part of marriage, especially the kids start coming in; if it’s not properly managed, the marriage might hit the rock.

 Power Struggle/Disillusionment (The “Reckoning” Phase)

During this stage, the “rose-colored glasses” usually come off, and partners notice flaws and differences, leading to “disillusionment, disappointment, and early conflicts”. It is at this stage kids start coming up and the challenge of life starts hitting up. The stage is often characterized by struggles with control, communication, and frustration over unmet expectations. Many couples usually get stuck here, if proper is not applied, it might end the relationship.

Stage 3: Real Love/Mature Love (The “Conscious” Phase)

At this stage, the couples have seen it all. They have been through all stages of life and have seen it all. There’s literally little or nothing that can affect marriage at this stage. It’s only unimaginable and unbecoming acts that lead to the fundamental tenets of marriage that can make the marriage hit the rock.

At this stage couples have trained their children through colleges, and some may have married. Couples will be able to laugh over their acts and start to bond again.

At this stage, couples have been able to navigate their conflict and have learnt to accept their partner’s flaws and choose to build a stable, loving, and mature relationship. Their focus is usually to build a deeper commitment to their marital vows, finally accepting each partner for whom they are, and working together to create a conscious and intentional partnership.

The outcome is usually a sense of safety, connection and lasting love: A sense of safety, deep connection, and lasting love.

In business, the principle is not exempted. An entrepreneur will begin a business, grow it, attract customers, hire employees and then institutionalize it. All these stages come with several phases if one is intentional.

An employee who is hired as an entry level position will have to prove his worth by producing measurable results to walk through the corporate ladder to become Chief Executive Officer, Chief Operating Officer, Chief Financial Officer or one of the higher ups. This position doesn’t come ordinarily; one must have earned it.

In conclusion, regardless of what stage one is experiencing or facing, one thing is certain, this too shall pass, and we shall overcome. So, just hang in there.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Be Fruitful by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

To be fruitful is to be productive, profitable, and successful in all areas of your life. When one is fruitful, he will attract many opportunities and values. When we are fruitful, we won’t be barren because we will be producing fruits and results with our work. Even the book of life said no woman will be barren in your land. That’s being fruitful.

Fruitfulness permeates every area of our life. When you are fruitful, your life, marriage, business, academic, ethics, relationship/network will flourish. Our business must be fruitful to survive, otherwise it will be out of business. We shall discuss several areas where one can be fruitful.

Parents

The joy of every father is for the child to be greater than him. Any father that wants to be greater than his son is not a good father in my understanding. Parents, mentors, government, teachers, leaders of faith, etc. all want us to be fruitful.

Let’s take a case study of parents. They sacrifice their time, resources and health just to give us a decent life. They do it because they want us to be successful in life.

Personally, I watched my late father and mother deprive themselves of the luxury of life just to give me and my siblings a decent life. My late parents never had the opportunity of having a decent education, it won’t be out of place for one to say they are unlettered, but they knew the value of education.

My late dad will always say, he’s not concerned about building houses, or living a luxury lifestyle, to him, those are secondary needs of life. His primary concern is for his children to have a good education. My late dad will always say assuming he’s educated, he would have excelled higher in life.

My late mother is not an exemption. I vividly remember one day my late mother said to me, her colleagues are buying jewelry, shoes, clothes, making their hair, etc. to fit into trends, but she’s not concerned about that, her major concern is for her children to have a decent education and look good.

Most people don’t understand the inspiration behind why I do what I do today. My late parents were and remained my biggest supporter. Apart from going to heaven, my greatest goal is to make my late parents and children proud. The moral of this analysis is my late parents sacrificed even their life for me and siblings just because they want us to be successful and fruitful.

Mentors

Mentors are not left out of this equation; mentors can be regarded as gatekeepers because they have paid the price of success. It is the fruitfulness of mentors that attracts values and mentees to them. When a mentor accepts a mentee into his fold, he’s simply telling the mentee, “I want you to be successful, I don’t want you to fail. However, it is important to state that before a mentor can accept to mentor a mentee, the mentor would have seen some potential in the mentees.

It’s instructive to mention that there are five types of mentors namely:

  • Position Mentor: People follow you because they have a right to follow you which can be because of the position you occupy.
  • Permission Mentor: People follow you because you allow them. For example, in relationships when you decide to allow people to build relationships with you.
  • Production Mentor: People follow you because of what you have done for the organization or association. This is result oriented.
  • People Development Mentor: People follow you because of what you have done for them.
  • Pinnacle Mentor: People follow you because of who you are or what you represent. The question now is where do you belong?

For the umpteenth time, I am a product of mentorship. My mentors have really shaped my life.

Teachers

Teachers are not left out. Teachers are generally regarded as professional educators who play a critical role in fostering student achievement, personal growth, and social development. They are seen as the “lifeblood” of the education system, often serving as mentors, role models, and agents of social change.

There are many components of teachers namely:

  • Professional Experts: Teachers are trained specialists in pedagogy (the art/science of teaching) and subject matter, holding degrees and certifications that qualify them to guide learners.
  • Facilitators and Mentors: Beyond delivering content, they act as guides who help students acquire critical thinking skills and knowledge, shifting from “information dispensers” to active facilitators.
  • Lifelong Learners: Effective teachers are viewed as individuals who continuously learn and adapt their practices to new technologies, curricula, and student needs.
  • Moral and Cultural Guides: Teachers are often expected to act as stewards of community values, maintaining student safety, and cultivating civic responsibility.
  • “Backbone of Society”: They are considered crucial to a nation’s social and economic development by preparing the future workforce. Above all, they assist in making us fruitful human beings.

Leaders of faith

The leaders of faith are regarded as the molders of the human faith because they help to build our faith. When the scripture says in Genesis 1:8, be fruitful and multiply, the scripture is also referring to them because they are regarded as shepherds. As Christians, we expected to be fruitful because our heavenly father is fruitful. Being fruitful here entails bearing fruits with our life and this entails using our life to attract people into the kingdom of God as evidence of our heavenly father who expects us to be Christlike.

Government

Let’s talk about the government. When a government is fruitful, it will reflect on the lives of her citizens, but when the government is performing below expectations, the citizens will be on the receiving end. The principal responsibility of the government is protection of life and security for her citizens. Every other thing is secondary. The government is also responsible for creating job opportunities for the citizens. However, it should be noted the government cannot create for all her citizens, and as such they provide an enabling environment for the private sector to thrive.

Employers/Supervisors/Leaders

These sets of people are regarded as people of influence. You need them at your corner, if you intend to move higher in life. Your employers and supervisors are regarded as your leaders. You can never outsmart them; the best one can try is to be in their good books and tolerate their excesses. When an employee is fruitful and exceeding expectations at work, they tend to be rewarded by their supervisors or employers because of the value they create and the problem they solve

In conclusion, whatever you do in life, please try and be fruitful.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Have a Winning Mentality by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

The mind is very powerful, so powerful that most people do not know what they possess. To this extent, some have given out their mind-power without knowing it. The power of the mind is akeen to a voice that speaks. This is because the human is more or less the strongest arsenal in everyone’s possession.

The voice brings freedom; it’s so inalienable that we can use it during elections, meetings, and where opinion matters. That’s why I strongly believe that as a human being, when you lose everything, you must not lose the power of your voice.

As a progressive being, there are many things that battle for our attention: family, friends, career, health, even our inner self demands attention. One of the greatest challenges we’ll have as human beings is how to apportion time to all of them because they all want to succeed. Failing to give them their due attention might lead to deficiency, which can ultimately lead to failure.

To succeed in all areas of life whether in business, academic, family, etc., one must have a winning mentality. The failure and success of anyone or project starts from the mind. When the mind has been conquered, it will be hard for anyone to succeed. That’s why one has to be intentional in what they consume whether it relates to the books they read, the association they keep and the thoughts they entertain.

We are shaped by our thoughts. According to Napoleon Hill in his book “Think and Grow Rich”, he stated, “whatsoever the mind can conceive, believe it can achieve it”. To succeed in life, we must have a winning mindset. One of the major problems we have as human beings is that sometimes we give up too early, especially when the odds are against us. But when we exhibit a winning mindset, failures, betrayals, setbacks, detractors, are seen as challenges and hurdles we must overcome to get to the promised land.

There are many examples of great minds who have exercised a winner mindset, a great name that comes to mind is Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln lost his job in 1832. He was defeated for state legislature in 1832. He failed in business in 1833 and was elected to the state legislature in 1834. His sweetheart died in 1835. He had a nervous breakdown in 1836 and was defeated for Speaker in 1838. In 1843, he was defeated for nomination for Congress. In 1846, he was elected to Congress and in 1848, he lost renomination in 1848. In 1849, he was rejected for land officer. In 1854, he was defeated for the U.S. Senate. Again, he was defeated for nomination for Vice President in 1856 and defeated for U.S. Senate in 1858. Finally, in 1860, he was elected the 16th President of the United States of America.

If we are honest with ourselves, it will be hard for one to forge ahead after experiencing numerous setbacks in business, family, health, career, and even personal challenges. I had to use Abraham Lincoln because he embodies the winner mindset.

The winner’s mindset is not only limited to one’s thoughts. It’s applicable to every area of one’s life. The winner’s mindset is more than just having good thoughts, thinking positively or even standing up when one fails. No, it entails more than that. The winner’s mindset is a lifestyle which preaches the gospel of doing what you must do and be appreciative of the feedback.

The winner’s mindset has the mentality of preparing for the best and expecting the worst. This entails one can’t be taken by surprise if their plans don’t work out well, and this means one will have to go back to the drawing board to fix it.

A good way to understand how a winner’s mindset plays out can be seen during football(soccer) competitions or track and field events where athletes have almost given up hope of winning the game or race.

A case of interest that comes to mind was during the 1996 Atlanta Olympics soccer semi-final competition where the Nigeria Dream team defeated the Brazil Seleção Brasileira de Futebol team in what can be considered one of the greatest comebacks in football history.

Let me give a brief overview, the Nigerian team were down with two goals. As a matter of fact, at a time during the match, the Brazilian team scored a fourth goal which was disqualified. The Nigerian team also had a penalty they lost. Going into the Semi final, the Brazilians were considered the favorites, and the Nigeria team were considered the underdogs. The odds were literally against the Nigeria team because the Brazilians had a formidable team.

Despite the Brazilian team leading Nigeria 3-1, the Nigerian team were able to bounce back during the last 15 minutes and won the game during the extra time. While is this story interesting and relevant? Well, in the game of soccer, nobody gives up until the final whistle is blown by the referee and the same applies in track and field events especially in track events. We have seen scenarios where athletes were almost at the finish line but lost out due to fatigue or one challenge or the other, the athlete fails to finish the race. It gets interesting during relay races.

Back to the soccer competition, one factor that helped the Nigerian team was the winner mindset. They didn’t give up despite the few minutes remaining in the game. They still gave their best and it paid off. It’s instructive to note that the average Nigerian always has the can-do mindset. The average Nigerian hardly gives up.

According to Dr. Yomi Garnett, a renowned ghostwriter, “To be a winner, you have to act like one. Winners don’t function the way most people do. They are always striving, always analyzing, and always questioning themselves. They tend to notice details that other people miss or overlook. Indeed, it is clear that great people have two things in common: a passion to succeed and an almost obsessive attention to detail.

In conclusion, the question we’ll have to ask ourselves is what kind of mentality do we have? Do you have a negative or positive mindset? When people see challenges, do you see solutions or opportunities to solve problems to create wealth? Do you have a growth mindset or poverty mindset?

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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