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Adding Value: Managing Emotions with Meditations and Reflections by Henry Ukazu

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Dear destiny Friends,

The constant truth remains that every living being feels things differently, and at the same time, reacts differently to situations.

Much as everyone faces challenges in the journey of time, the individual reaction to each of the challenges ultimately determines the difference. Whether it is failure in relationship, business, health, personal or even professional life, it’s important to note that no one is alone; everyone has a fair share of the challenges of life, but the ultimate difference is how one manages the situation. These challenges can lead to high profile emotions.

In the course of this analysis, however, two powerful forces in the management of emotions or the vicissitudes of life, which are meditation and reflection, will be highlighted.

Emotions are powerful because they can push you to greatness and can also make you make the greatest loss of your life. Let’s think about it for a minute, how many times have people said something they later regretted? How many emotions have been broken because of uncontrolled emotions? How many opportunities have been lost because someone reacted impulsively instead of thinking things through? It should be noted, if you cannot control your emotions, they will control you and when they control you, they will make you weak and easily manipulated.

As we experience life in different dimensions, waves will come, some will be storms, while some will be current. One of the greatest skills one can have is staying calm in the midst of pressure, stressful situations or in the face of adversity, and this is because one is able to train their mind.

Managing emotions is not as easy as it appears. Imagine loving someone and you get hurt by the person. Trust me, it will surely hit you hard, the only time one might not feel so bad is when they don’t really like the person. Managing emotions is like managing human relationships. It’s a skill that needs to be cultivated. The ability to manage people is an uncommon skill. Before you can manage people, one should be able to manage themself. This is because human beings are the most difficult set of people to manage.

One of the most treasured skills any human being can have is building sustainable relationships. Building a solid relationship is like building a house on a solid foundation. One don’t need to be afraid if the house will collapse because the foundation is very strong. In the same way, when friendship has been truly tested and loyalty established, one don’t need to fear if betrayal will set in and if it does, one has to endeavor to manage it well because life happens sometimes.

Training your mind to stay in every situation is like training the muscle, at first it’s difficult because you feel like reacting immediately, but the ability to stay calm can be a game change which will pay off much more.  Imagine being at the gym, you won’t get muscle but overtime you will get muscle when you constantly lift weight. That’s how one trains the mind, overtime, one will grow in maturity.

This process requires patience and consistency. Some days you will succeed, some days, you will fall back to old habits. The key is to keep going. Every time you stay calm instead of reacting, you strengthen your mental discipline, every time you take a deep breath without speaking, you build emotional intelligence, everytime you let go of something that is not worth your peace, you take back your emotional power.

Make a firm commitment to train your mind, the next time you feel frustrated. If people provoke you to breathe, if life throws a challenge at you, step back before reacting. A person who has mastered his emotions has mastered life.

How to manage your emotion

Awareness: Aware is a great way to manage emotions. There are several ways to observe how you feel when somebody says something negative to you. You respond with intelligence. Self and social awareness is a critical tool for emotional intelligence.

Detach from need to always react

When an irrational act comes across your way, you don’t have to respond immediately. Most times we are quick to respond. Maturity teaches one not to respond to everything, learn to be selective on what you react to, and you do this by selecting your battles. This act helps to conserve your power. Sometimes, we allow   small disagreements to affect our mindset. Moral: know what worth your time.

It’s instructive to note that you can’t control everything, but you can control yourself. Life happens, so don’t try to control what is out of your hands, that’s basically a waste of energy. The words you tell yourself shape your emotions and your emotions shape your actions. When you take control of your thoughts and actions, you take control of your life.

To manage emotions, we have to stop listening to our emotions and instead make our feelings listen to us because our emotions can be a trap for us. Whether as a man or lady, when you allow your emotions to control, you will become a slave to the person. It’s just like money, most people are slaves to money because they allow money to control them instead of controlling money.

As a man, when you allow anger to take a hold of you, it will cloud your sense of reasoning, and when that happens, one will understand that actions have consequences. In the same way, some ladies are loyal and slave to their feelings. They allow temporary pain to have permanent stain and pain to their life. If only they had applied a little bit of caution and discernment, they would have gotten a different result.

When it comes to managing your emotions, what you focus on, grows. It’s advisable to choose peace over chaos. The calmer you are, the stronger you become. When you feel stress, anger and frustration, your mind will amplify it, but when you focus on solutions, you develop inner strength.

Do you know that in managing your emotions, you can feel angry and act calm. This is the highest of an emotional intelligence a balanced leader can exhibit.

It is instructive to note that we don’t belong to our feelings. Our feelings belong to us. We control how we want to feel, but most times as humans we don’t know the power we have. The feeling of sadness and joy is entirely up to us.  We allow circumstances to dictate how we feel, what we fail to understand is that circumstances don’t say who we are, they reveal who we are. For instance, one might have little or no cash, imagine receiving a huge credit alert, it will change one’s attitude. That’s how we allow our emotions to control us.

Let’s switch the scenario to a case where a man has no cash to solve his problems, and some tries to offer him cash through fraudulent means, if he rejects the money, that tells you he’s in charge of his emotions and feelings.

Let’s see another situation where a man trying to talk to a lady, the man might have the resources and appurtenance that comes with wooing a lady, and the lady refuses on the ground that he does not appeal to her. Ordinarily, most ladies will give him to the man’s requests, but for this lady, there are qualities that appeal to her more. That means she manages she’s not a slave to her feelings and emotions.

In conclusion, when you wake up every day, you have the right to tell yourself how you feel or let your feelings control you. You can either feel depressed or speak to the depression and order it to transform into an expression of joy. Trust me when you, it will obey you. Don’t be mastered by your emotions. Instead, master them, and you will matter in life.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Introducing the Six Pillars of Success by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

Every living is conversant with the word ‘success’. But, what does success really mean to you as an individual? Success indeed means different things to different people. While some will say becoming a millionaire, some others might say, having a family, becoming a chief operating officer, president, or even a celebrity.

All these points are valid, but the key question one is, does all these really translate to being successful? On a personal note, I believe true success is making an impact in society, and most importantly, making an impact on the lives of fellow human beings.

The reason I decided to write on the six pillars of success is borne out from the fact that many people have misplaced priorities. To be successful there are certain boxes that must be checked, though the boxes are not exhaustive, but the ones under review are the fundamentals of success. I will write about three now, and present the remaining three next week.

It may interest you to know that these six topics were culled from my third book (The Six Pillars of Success) which was published about forty eight hours ago, and it’s very detailed with practical information. So, if you would like to know more, you need to grab a copy NOW.

PILLAR ONE: PURPOSE AND PERSONAL GROWTH

Every lasting achievement begins with clarity of purpose and a commitment to ongoing development. This pillar emphasizes direction (knowing why you are here) and discipline, so you can become the person capable of reaching your full potential. It acts like an anchor, helping you make better choices, stay strong in tough times, and move forward in life with clear intention.

Discovering one’s unique purpose is the most important and fundamental aspect of success. As living beings, we are all unique and it’s our uniqueness that sets us apart, and this uniqueness is what will bring opportunities to us. We are built and wired differently.  Isn’t it true that not even identical twins are similar?

Without purpose, one is just existing and not living. We are not meant to exist, rather we are meant to live and have an impact on society. Living on purpose is one of the most important if not the most important thing in life. One of the sweetest journeys of success is achieving success on one’s purpose. One may be wondering how one can know their purpose and how does one live on purpose?

To know your purpose, one will have to go to their creator. Everything in life has a manual.  A computer, car, phone, television all have a manual by the creator which knows how the product functions, any attempt to use the product out of the manual might frustrate the process.

In the same way, every living being was created by God and it’s only God who can determine one’s purpose. Nobody can succeed outside their God given purpose, any attempt to succeed out of your God given purpose might result in defective success. Our prayer is that we may never succeed outside our God given purpose because that’s the place we get fulfillment.

The journey of purpose works with personal growth. When you have discovered your purpose, it will be easy to develop it with personal growth and that involves determination and discipline.

One can’t be truly successful without an element of perseverance and determination. Nobody will hand over success to you, even if you are given a good foundation, one will still have to do some work to build and develop what has already been handed over to them.

For instance, a student who wants to pass an examination must read and do the necessary things. Your parents might get you the materials and your teacher will do the teaching, but it’s your responsibility to do the needful. Moral: Just like power is not handled over to someone, one will have to fight and grab it, so Success is not served a la carte.

So, when you have discovered your unique God given purpose, your next task is to develop it, visualize the future you anticipate, and then you discipline and train your mind for success.

PILLAR TWO: CAREER AND VOCATIONAL EXCELLENCE

Your work is one of the primary platforms where your gifts, skills, and contributions find expression. This pillar highlights the pursuit of excellence, competence, continuous learning, and meaningful impact in whatever field, vocation or ministry you embrace. It is about turning skill into mastery and opportunity into influence.

 

If you agree with me, you can’t build something on nothing. When anyone says, “I am successful, the world would like to know what made them successful. For instance, one will either have a product or service they are offering to the world. Alternatively, one may have a carer or vocation which can be a skill they have developed expertise on after a long period of time.

Career success can be considered the engine of vocational excellence because it helps one to live in their comfort zone and enables one to specialize in setting attainable goals and strategies that can strategically position one to the next level.

It’s sad to see people who love sitting in their comfort zones. They are afraid of taking strategic risk that’s capable of taking them to their level. It’s instructive to note that every next level of your life will demand a different you.

One must be intentional when taking career and professional risks because it is necessary for growth. The ability for one to overcome these barriers will ultimately lead one to the next level.

PILLAR THREE: FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE AND FREEDOM

Money, as we have established, is not the definition of success, but it is a vital tool for building a stable, impactful, and free life. This pillar focuses on financial wisdom, responsible management, value creation, and the ability to make choices without being held hostage by financial pressure. True independence emerges when money becomes a servant to your purpose, not a master.

When we talk about success this. This is the area most people look up to. They want to know if one has financial stability which entails financial independence and financial freedom. There’s no doubt excellence breeds success. When one is good at what they do, it’s normal for them to get favors and opportunities which will ultimately bring goodwill and money to them.

Financial independence is one of the rubrics one can use to determine how successful one is, however, the big question begging for answer is how much is one expected to have? That’s a relative question because having money, being rich and being wealthy means different things to different people. While some people are grateful with what they have provided, it can solve the basic needs of life, others will have greed to accumulate wealth to the detriment of mankind. Isn’t it true that a poor man is considered rich when he has contentment and a rich man is considered poor if he’s greedy.

In understanding financial freedom, it’s expected for one to understand how the psychology of money works; one should also pay detailed attention to how to earn and multiply money. Effort should be invested in understanding the value of time in accumulating wealth and the concept of value which is the oil and commodity that attracts money.

Money does not come to one, one must be engaged in something of value. When money comes, one must plan for it by investing, budgeting wisely, spending wisely and saving. Be advised, if you don’t save money, money won’t save you, so save money so money can save you.

In conclusion, as you are about to embark on these six pillars of success, you must ask yourself the fundamental question, who am I? This is the mother of all questions because success lies in knowing oneself. That’s the foundation of success because when this part has been figured out, it will be easy to build other platforms.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Success and the Biological Clock by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

Biology is the scientific study of life, covering structure, function, evolution, and interaction. The key branches of biology include molecular biology, genetics, ecology, botany, zoology, and microbiology. For your information, this article is not about health, nor is it about science. It is rather about inspiration, motivation, creative thinking and the relativity of how the biological clock of success works in the attainment of success.

As a trained and passionate Human Capacity Development expert, we shall explore the meaning of the biological clock of success from a different perspective. However, it’s important to make a full disclosure here. I am not a biologist, nor do I have a medical background. However, if you can give me a little bit of your time, you’ll understand what I mean by the biological clock of success.

As human beings we all have our biological clock, and this biological clock means different things to different people. For instance, A woman’s biological clock refers to the natural decline in fertility, which begins gradually in the late 20s, becomes more pronounced after age 35, and drops sharply by age 40, The male biological clock begins to tick in the mid-to-late 30s, with a more significant, accelerated decline in fertility and semen quality often occurring after age 40 to 45.

Again, for ladies, it is generally said that menopause typically starts between the ages of 45 and 55, with the average age being 51–52 in the U.S.  As a student there’s an acceptable time for students to attend elementary school, High School and College. Even though this is not a set rule, it is however believed that when students follow the acceptable standards, it helps to smoothen their academic and professional journey.

For a single man/lady, there’s an acceptable time for marriage which if followed diligently, can have a great and positive impact in the raising of kids. My late mother used to say, when your mates are running, please run with them.

In the journey of life, there’s time for everything, when you miss your miss time, sometimes, it can be hard to catch up. Imagine, if you have a scheduled time to catch a flight, if you don’t get to the airport within a certain time, one might miss their flight because by the time one is done with the checking and custom, it might be late. That tells you, there’s time for everything. In the same manner, in whatever one would like to do in life, there’s time for everything, by the time one misses the appointed or set time, it might be hard to get it back. That’s why it is generally said, when you can lose your money and get it back, you can even lose your health and get it back, but when you lose your time, it will take a miracle to get it back.

In life, each and everyone of us has our biological clock of success, the time of success for Mr. A is quite different from the time of success for Mr. B.  Some people attain success during their teenage years, while some in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. For instance, President Theodore Roosevelt became the United States of America President at the age of 42 which made him the youngest US President, while President Joe Biden became the oldest US president at the age of 78.

As a business owner, some might start a business and break even during their first year, while another person might start a business and break even in their fifth or tenth year. The same principle is applicable for a young student who graduates from college and couldn’t get his dream job until five years later but contrasts it to another student who graduates and gets his dream job within months of graduation. How about a lady who got married and had a child in her first year of marriage, while another person might have a child in 10th year of marriage despite marrying first. There are many twists about this, but here is the message, what matters is not how far, but how well.

This is because no matter how long it took you to get your degree, it may take many failed relationships to find love but you found it. A house bought at 65 is still an accomplishment. So don’t let people bully you with their timeline of success.

As human beings, we all have our biological clock. Everyone has their time of success, so keep working on your craft, continue to develop your craft, continue to network strategically, continue to add value and continue to develop yourself. At the end of the day, when the timing is right, everything will add up.

Sometimes, one might be investing time and energy into a project, and it doesn’t seem to add up well, what the person fails to understand is that there might be an invisible hand working which the person might not see. It can be a case of if the person gets the opportunity, they might not be able to manage it, or it will cause them more harm than good because it’s not suitable for them. Sometimes, it can be a case of one not being fully prepared to attract the due respect and opportunity they are looking for because one will never get the desired opportunity they are looking for until they have developed the capacity to receive it.

There’s a saying that one shouldn’t be angry about what didn’t happen, because what didn’t happen might prevent disaster from happening. What that literally means is that in all situations, let’s give God the glory.

In summary, everyone has a biological clock of success, what is important is for us to continue to develop ourselves, develop our product, services and most importantly continue to show up by putting ourselves out for the universe to acknowledge our work and in due time, we will get our flowers.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Crave the Circle of Your Betters by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

A credible relationship is a valuable currency. A great relationship is priceless. The relationship is even more monumental, when it is contracted with persons much better in status, intelligence, reach and spread, and capabilities than one. Several people come into an individual’s life for several reasons; some are parasitic, while a great many others are symbiotic. However, many people still do not understand the value of having a valuable relationship, in other words, a relationship with someone better than ‘you’.

To succeed in the journey of life, one needs to understand who they are, and know what they want. It’s one thing to know who you are, and another thing to know what you want. Some people know who they are yet unable to decipher what they actually want, while some others know what they want, but lack the ability to know who they are. Let me explain.

If you know who you are, it will be easier to see what you want from someone. For instance, the first thing a single man/lady, who is interested in marriage should figure out is who they are (their temperament, strength, weakness, personality, values, and interest). The ability to know these fundamental information will help to figure out who will complement them.

In another scenario, some people know what they want, but don’t really know who they are. This is why I strongly advocate self-discovery training for anyone interested in starting a business or having a life partner.

I can’t underemphasize the importance of associating with people better than you. On a personal note, my most defining moment in the journey of life and business is relationship. Not only is this relationship defining and resourceful, it is valuable and priceless because I relate closely with people better and more resourceful than me.

A wise man once stated that ‘if I have attained success, it is because I stood on the shoulders of giants’. According to the sage, great men have great habits, they carefully select their partners, a step into their life will make a difference in your own life, absorb their books, listen to their tapes and you will be great like them. As a cultured Nigerian man, we have a saying that ‘when a child washes his hands, he will dine with elders’.

One might be wondering the reasoning behind all these parables. Well, the answer is not far-fetched; it’s all about associating with people better than you, and this is all about relationships. If you don’t have a great relationship with people, it will be hard for them to relate closely with you. Relationship is a skill that needs to be nurtured.

One of the secrets of the little success and impact I have made is the people in my life. I have great and resourceful mentors, who have really made great impacts in life. Based on my personal experience with them, they have introduced me to great minds and have given me access and opportunities money and hard work can’t buy. There are heights I know I may never have attain if not because of God and human relationship.

Did you know that just like mercy works with grace, favor works with relationships. Did you know that just like where your prayers cannot reach, your sacrifice can get you there. In the same vein, where your education can’t get you, your relationship will get you there.

It’s unfortunate that many people don’t know the importance of associating with people better than them. You might be brilliant, sophisticated, confident, and maybe even successful, but I can guarantee you that there’s something you will need because nobody knows or has it all. The truth of the matter is that you can’t be shorter and taller than everyone at the same time. So, no matter how brilliant, sophisticated, confident or even successful one may appear to be, there are people who are more brilliant, more sophisticated, more confident and even more successful than yhem, so be humble just as your heavenly father is humble.

In another way, even when people may not be as smart and confident as you are, the irony of life is that someone somewhere is wishing they were half blessed are you are. Do you see the irony of life? Regardless of where you may belong between these two extremes, resolve today to start associating with those who are better than you. If, for instance, you are afflicted with self-doubt, avoid Brother Thomas, instead visit and cultivate Father Abraham, the grand patriarch of the faith family. If you are a stingy person, begin to associate with a generous mind.

Association in life really matters if they are healthy and valuable, but when it begins to affect your mental health, please avoid it because it is what you feed your mind on that it will digest and send to the universe.

In conclusion, be intentional in cultivating healthy relationships because a large chunk of what happens in your life will be shaped by the people you allowed into it.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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