Adding Value
Adding Value: The Value of a True Friend by Henry Ukazu


Dear Destiny Friends,
Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer – Jean De La Fontane.
One of the best things that can happen to someone is to have a good friend. The value of a true friend is priceless. It cuts across all sectors of life. Whether you are a student, entrepreneur, married, politician, clergy etc, you need honest, loyal, and trustworthy friends as you journey through life.
The hallmark of friendship is loyalty, and one’s loyalty to another will always be tested. That is why it’s highly advisable to marry your friend with whom you can be vulnerable. It is noteworthy that vulnerability is one of the strongest tests of marriage, because one must trust the person he is vulnerable to when he lets his guards down.
We all want great friends, but most times, we don’t act like one. The best way to get a great friend is to be one, but unfortunately, some people don’t understand what the word friend really means. They just used it freely. In reality, your best friend is someone who brings out the best in you.
Good friends are medicinal. They help to increase one’s life span. They are very therapeutic. They help our mental health. They help to increase our happiness. It has been determined that people who value both their family and friendship enjoy greater health and higher happiness.
In our contemporary society, many people lose true friends because they are dressed like work. Yes, true friendship is earned. It’s easy to make an enemy, but it’s hard to make a friend. While poverty minds think a friend is someone who gives you money, rich means think a friend is someone who corrects you, looks out for you, and gives you an opportunity. The big questions we need to ask ourselves is, what are the traits of friendship? What are the characteristics of friendship? How do you know a true friend?
You cannot overestimate the value of friendship. Here are some characteristics and points to note before you confidently say someone is your friend.
Trust & confidentiality: You need to know the people you tell your secret.
Loyalty: This is the true test and hallmark of friendship because just like your marriage will be tested, your friendship must surely be tested.
A true friend is someone who accepts you the way you are. A friend is someone who respects you, especially when you disagree with them. Mutual respect is one of the most powerful traits of a good friendship, and a lack of it raises a red flag. A true friend is kind and shares with you. He plays with you, and is on hand to protect your interest.
It’s a well-established fact that nothing good comes easy. True friends take time to grow. Just like the journey of a thousand miles begins with a step in the right direction, true friends must be tested like a marriage to stand the test of time.
According to Beth Elkassih, there are four traits to look out for in a friend as follows:
Reliability: A true friend is a dependable ally as opposed to a fair-weather friend.
Listening: A true friend must have a listening ear without being judgmental. A friend is that person who knows all about you and still loves you.
Authenticity: There’s nothing that pleases a friend more than authenticity. The reason many friendships don’t last is because “supposed friends” are not authentic. They only speak what their colleagues want to hear.
Trust-worthy: This is one of the pillars of true friendship. In my calculated opinion, it is the foundation and cornerstone of all success because you can confide in someone without being afraid of betrayal.
Friendship does not mean absence of disagreement, or that everything will be rosy, no, great friends experience challenges in their friendship to come come out great just like gold must go through fire to become gold. What’s important to note is that a true friend will be your cheerleader as opposed to being a critic. If you are not getting it right, a friend can be your third eye, and constructively criticise you with love.
To put it in perspective, fans are critics who can woo or cheer you up depending on your performance, but a coach will always cheer you up regardless of your performance. A coach sees your potential and helps you become a better version of yourself.
Just like a critic sees your weaknesses and attacks your worst self, a cheerleader sees your strengths and celebrates your best self. Would you rather be a critic or a cheerleader?
The following are some of the rewards of true friendship – It helps to kill loneliness and social isolation.
Friendship helps to reduce stress. It provides emotional support, and helps us in the race of personal development. It also gives us a sense of belonging when we know people are always there for us when we need them.
If you really want to know whether someone is a friend, just ask yourself if the person is adding value to your life and making you genuinely happy.
I will conclude with some great quotes on what a great friendship entails.
There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship -Thomas Aquinas
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success – Doug Larson
True friends are those rare people who come to find you in dark places and lead you back to the light.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker, youth advocate and creative writer. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
Adding Value
Adding Value: The Principles of Seed Time and Harvest Time by Henry Ukazu


Dear Destiny Friends,
The importance of timing cannot be overemphasized. Timing is everything in life. It is critical to one’s success. You can lose your money and get it back in many folds. You can even lose your health and get it back all things being equal, but when you lose time, you can hardly get it back again.
The importance of timing can be seen in crops. Every crop has a season, a good farmer won’t plant maize when it’s time for oranges, nor will he plant pears when it’s the season for mangoes.
Time is very instrumental to the success and failure of anyone. Imagine having a meeting or interview at 9:00am and you arrive at 10:10am, it will take the grace of God to be interviewed. As an employee, apart from one not being able to diligently do his job, one of the fastest ways for an employee to lose his job is by being late to work.
When I was in New York Law School studying Taxation law, I did a course titled, the Problem of Timing. During the semester, I learnt about cash and accrued income. Let me do some academic exercise here. In cash income, just like the name entails, one is paid in cash as soon as the work is completed. It’s just like going to the market to make a purchase. One can either pay directly with cash or with debit or credit card. But Accrued income refers to revenue a company has earned by providing goods or services, but for which payment has not yet been received, one will have to do the work first before getting paid. This is applicable when one works in either a public or private organization where one is paid either weekly, bi-weekly or at the end of the month depending on the stipulated mode of payment.
It’s important to note that before the money is paid either in cash or accrued, one would have earned it. It’s just like one learning g before earning, and one will have to update to upgrade. These are just the practical principles that will work with life.
In the same way, in life there’s a seed time and harvest time. It’s a universal principle of life. Whether as a parent, entrepreneur, student or employee. As a parent, if you don’t train your kids very well, they will grow up to reflect the opposite of what you desire. As an entrepreneur when you invest in your business, you will get the reward in due time. As a student, if you take your studies seriously, your grades will improve, and as an employee, you stand to get promotions and opportunities when you add value to your work. In summary, one will have to put in the work before recognition comes on.
To understand how seedtime and harvest work, imagine where parents tend to like one child more than others just because they see potential in him, or he’s smart, hardworking or even creative. They fail to understand that every child is different and as such their timing can be different. Some kinds take time to develop.
I personally believe there’s something so unique about each individual which God has deposited in everyone of us. It’s just a matter of time for it to manifest. Your timing of manifestation is different from your siblings and colleagues.
Personally, I didn’t mature fast with my contemporaries. Overtime, I have seen much improvement in my personal and professional life. Maybe because I have added value to my work with the assistance of mentors and good friends, or God had to humble my colleagues and mentors . Why do I say this? During my formative years, I had little or nothing to show for it. I was looking at my contemporaries as mentor and seeing my mentors as small gods whose feat is unattainable, but now, the reverse seems to be case as I have developed capacity some of my colleagues are yet to attain, while I have even surpassed the achievement of my some of my mentors in some quarters.
In all these, they are all surprised how it happened. Some are yet to comprehend or articulate the feat. It’s just like watching a film where everyone slept and woke up to see the game and tides have changed. The secret behind it is the seed time and harvest time. I was probably learning the trade while in the wilderness, and when the training season matured and ripe enough to be harvested, I became attractive to almost everyone who loved the seed I was producing.
There are litany of examples of people, who have been in the wilderness during the seed planting season. Let’s take a case study of Joseph in the Bible, his journey to stardom took a little twist. Despite the travails he experienced in the hands of his siblings who sold him, his experience while in the jail, and with Portiphar’s wife, who tried to seduce him; they were all set ups for success. The moral here is Joseph seed time and harvest time was quite different, it wasn’t a smooth journey. Ordinarily, one would have cursed his siblings or his friends who were with him in prison and forgot him after they were released. But at the end of time, everything worked out for his favor. Joseph’s seed days were his dark days while in the wilderness.
Another inspiring story of note was that of Pastor Ibukun Awosika, the former board Chairman of First Bank of Nigeria. She once shared a pathetic story during her formative years of being in business. According to her, she sojourned for about 15 years. She cried because lines were not adding up for her and she wouldn’t do what her contemporaries were doing to get opportunities. At a point in her business, it appeared like she was in a race of own life because everything seemed to be against her, but at the appropriate time, lines began to fall in place for her. Appointments, business opportunities, favours and goodwill began to fall in place for her. Again, she had a fair share of seed time.
An interesting question I would like to ask you is, what’s your seed time? Have you ever been in the wilderness when you appeared to be fixed? It’s unfortunate many people are not willing to pass through the storms or experience seeds and harvest time. Amidst all these, one must do some work before they get opportunities. However, before such opportunities will come up, one will have to plant the seed.
In conclusion, seed time and harvest time is critical in the journey of life. Take a seat and determine what seed you would like to sow and what you’ll like to harvest.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
Adding Value
Adding Value: Spiritual Connectivity of Happiness and Opportunities by Henry Ukazu


Dear Destiny Friends,
Happiness is something everyone should strive for. The pleasure and joy that comes with a blissful mind is priceless and unimaginable. There are certain things that keeps the mind in a state of perpetual happiness, and they varies. To some, it entails having money, children, education, job, and fulfilling a vision, while to others, it means singing, getting married to a dream partner, traveling, cooking, among others. The list is endless. And if I may ask, what makes you happy?
Personally, I derive joy when I put smiles on people’s faces. I can confidently say, I can be too kind to a fault. Sometimes, when I have a heavy heart, to decongest my sad state of mind, I may decide to be a blessing to someone who is experiencing misfortune. This act makes me feel happy and whenever I complete the act, I do feel a sense of fulfillment like a heavy burden has left my body. Isn’t it true therefore, that one gets what they want faster when they assist other people to get what they desire.
Being happy is indeed a state of mind. Sometimes, we think other people can make us happy. Sometimes we tend to attach our happiness to our partners and friends instead of ourselves. There’s no doubt the people in our lives have a role to play in making us happy, but the big factor responsible for our happiness is our mindset and perspective to life.
Let me share a practical example. One day, while I was in college, I was having a decent conversation with a friend of mine, and he said to me, ‘Henry, have you ever thought of having a girlfriend’? He touted me saying, you know you are one of the handsome guys in college and ladies love you so much. I was curious to know why he asked such a question so I asked, why do I need a girlfriend? He said they will make me happy. I said, that’s interesting to know. I asked him, so are you telling me, the simple reason you are happy is because you have a girlfriend? He said not really. I said to him, happiness is an inside job. As a matter of fact, I showed him a book by John Powell titled, Happiness is an inside job, which I was reading at the said time.
I further told him that ladies don’t make men happy, rather they complement their happiness, and vice versa. The mistake most people make is focusing their joy on human beings, and when they are disappointed, they begin to lament. True happiness should be vested in causes not material things. Material things are important, no doubt, but they are not as important as causes, especially as it relates to happiness.
Did you know that there’s a spiritual connection between happiness and success? Yes, this is so true because when one is happy, there’s a certain level of joy, satisfaction and energy that comes to them. The energy makes them passionate about a cause, and when one is passionate about a cause, they will be consistent in pushing the brand which will ultimately attract opportunities.
The importance of happiness cannot be overemphasized. When one is genuinely happy, he will not be stressed while working. That explains why it’s always good to love the job you do, and when you love what you do, what you do will ultimately love you, and this will attract opportunities.
Overtime, I have seen that people, who love what they do produce a certain level of results more than those who just do the job they are paid to do. Experience has shown that when people are adequately compensated for the work they do, they tend to do it with joy and when a work is done with a job, the result tends to be different.
Whenever I need a certain level of work, I always look for those who are gifted and talented in that craft before I explore the option of those who are intelligent and skillful. This is because someone who is talented or gifted in a particular craft has a form of blessings or anointing, which can produce a glowing effect on the work. I call such effects the spirituality of success because it has more impact than anyone who has acquired the skill or studied the art in school, or from a form of training.
The question we need to ask is how can one attract opportunities? The first step in attracting opportunities is by being happy. Nobody likes to be associated with an angry mind. There’ a rule of thumb that says, when you smile at someone, they are bound to smile back even if they are into witchcraft. Nobody likes to give a job to an angry person.
The connectivity of happiness and success was aptly captured by Dr. Yomi Garnett. According to him, “Those who attain true success are those who derive joy and happiness as they invest their time and energy in worthwhile pursuits. This is hardly surprising, for true success is not merely a destination, but a journey. If a journey is truly worthwhile, should it not also be pleasurable”?
How true can this statement be? True joy comes when one’s passion, vocation and profession are in alignment. Imagine the joy and fun that one will get when getting paid for having fun. The feeling and experience are, indeed, priceless.
It’s unfortunate that many people don’t understand that there’s a spiritual effect in whatever one does. For example, someone who is called to be a lawyer will do an expectational job as a lawyer, he won’t struggle to read, comprehend or even attract favour from clients, judges and fellow attorneys. In fact, the universe will conspire to work for him because he will attract opportunities due to the happiness he invests in himself. Now contrast that with someone who studied law just because he likes the name or because his parents influenced him to become a lawyer. The same principle is applicable to other professions, vocations and skill related jobs.
In conclusion, if you want to attract opportunities and blessings into your life, consider being happy, don’t attach your happiness to anyone, rather focus on a noble cause which will bring joy and impact in the lives of people. When you do so, you will subconsciously attract blessings into your life.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
Adding Value
Adding Value: Take Responsibility by Henry Ukazu


Dear Destiny Friends,
Apart from having the fear of God, one of the greatest desires any individual is a responsible life partner or spouse. In fact, a responsible partner transcends beyond ability to provide as there exists many, who can provide, are still irresponsible. Being responsible is priceless. Being responsible is a currency and goodwill which is not seen among cheap people.
While little girls in high schools are thrilled about the handsomeness of boys, and big ladies in colleges are attracted to the intelligence and financial capacity of guys, mature working ladies are more concerned about the security and loyalty of guys. This set of mature ladies are not concerned about the physical looks and financial capacity of guys. Though money and good looks are important, but they can’t be compared to loyalty and security. This is because a man may not have money, may not look great, and may not even be rich in intelligence, but when a lady sees him as responsible, with prospects, she might take him very seriously, and vice versa.
Asides character, irresponsibility is one thing that detaches a man from a lady. As a matter of fact, when a man senses a lady has been sexually exposed to a lot of men, withdrawal syndrome begins to set in, especially if he’s familiar with such men. Irresponsibility can be attributed to lack of good character or why will a responsible woman be messing around with several men.
One may wonder if this article is about the relationship between a man and a woman. The simple answer is no. The article is about life. I had to begin with human beings to x-ray the importance of living a responsible life. The truth is nobody likes to relate with an irresponsible person whether at work, church, family or events. An irresponsible person will have trust issues, fail in leadership, suffer from accountability issues, and will never be counted as reliable. If negative forces wish to deal with a person, they send an irresponsible people their way, and the individual’s life or work will be completely damaged.
As human beings, we are responsible for our life. It is what we sow that we reap. When we love, we are bound to reap love, when we sow hatred, it has a way of coming back to us. When we sow kindness, kindness will locate us in due time. When we sow hard work, it has a way of paying us back in the near future. When we help the less privileged, we accumulate the grace and mercy of God in the universe. When we invest in people, we tend to open doors, and like a magnet, attracts blessings, favours and opportunities our way.
The question we need to ask ourselves therefore, is what kind of life are we living? According to Socrates, “an unexamined life is not worth living”. Being able to take stock of one’s life is one of the best things that can happen to anyone. Just like a businessman takes inventory of his products, one must be intentional to live a life of purpose. Failure to do so is inviting Karma.
It’s instructive to note that taking responsibility involves a process. It is the foundation one lays that determines the kind of house they live in. For instance, if your tummy aches, what you ate yesterday is the likely the cause; if you are depressed, the culprit is the thought you meditated on the night before; if you are broke, it is usually because you mismanaged your money earlier; if you are overweight, it is because you over-ate in the past. Did you see that actions have consequences and it’s your responsibility to fix yourself with the right thoughts and actions.
The moral of the story is that your reality today is the consequence of your thoughts and actions of yesterday. And your future will reflect your thinking and deeds of today. It’s important to note that no demon is powerful enough to make you reap what you did not sow, neither is any demon more powerful than Karma. If you are in doubt, sow a seed today, and it will show tomorrow.
So, it is important for one to take responsibility for their lives. Nobody will fix you more than you can fix yourself; nobody can help you more than you can help yourself; nobody can save you more than you can save yourself; nobody can inspire you more than you can inspire yourself; and nobody can make you live a responsible life if you are not determined to be responsible.
It’s sad to see people who haven’t taken time to plan their lives, yet expect other people to fix them. Some people don’t invest in themselves by reading, researching, taking a class, course, learning a skill, traveling, investing in their businesses, relationship, network, volunteering in an association, and adding value to their lives. Sometimes, lazy minds lie idle waiting for the Lamb of God, who will take away their sins and burdens. These lazy minds fail to understand that everyone is dealing with a secret frustration.
In conclusion, decide today to take charge of your life, and see how life will unfold positively for you.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
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