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Adding Value: Understanding a Woman by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

As a Human Capacity and Mindset Coach, one of my services is centered on counseling. I also mentor youths and career professionals on academics and relationships.

Let me make a full disclosure here, I’m not a relationship or marriage counselor, but the nature of my work makes me appear as one due to my numerous videos and engagement with people. However, it is pertinent to note that, as a self-discovery coach, I try to relate with people to understand their pains to assist them in resolving their problems. I do with my self-discovery manual.

It’s instructive to note that in school, workplaces, churches, social gatherings, and homes, we are thought different skills, ethics, life training, and teachings, but we are not thought the school of understanding life, we learn the school of life in the streets while relating with human beings.

It is often said one of the most difficult people to understand is women. In fact, some people say women are the most complicated people on planet earth.  According to some scholars, there are three people who cannot advise, a rich man, a religious bigot, and a woman in love. This is because the more you try to understand them, the more you get confused. That leaves us with the question, can one understand a woman? Personally, I will say yes and no. Yes, because if she lets you understand her and even at that it is what she wants you to understand. No, because you can never understand a woman.

The truth is, however, that once you understand a few core tenets of female psychology, women become easier than ever to understand.

Understanding a human being and life is one of the hardest if not the hardest things in the world. It’s just like understanding the psychology of money and blessings. Money, blessings, and opportunities can come in “mysterious”. Some schools of thought opine blessings are spiritual because succeeding in life takes more than being hardworking. An element of God factor, luck, preparation, smartness, networking, etc. play a role. This opportunity comes in ways and manners we cannot comprehend sometimes.

Above all, it is easier to understand life and a man than to understand a woman. This is because, in social relationships, men often seem “stupid” to women, and why women seem “crazy” to men because women don’t seem to understand why a man will have a beautiful, smart, loyal, classy, and submissive girlfriend/wife and he’ll still cheat with a good for nothing lady, while men will always wonder why a lady will fall in love with a guy/man who is not handsome, or a mechanic with no formal education or even someone who is a 5feet and 2 inches tall compared to a handsome, intelligent and tall guy. One begins to wonder what the lady saw in the guy. Well, it could be how he talks, how she feels, or even just his smile. Indeed, women need to be understudied.

Generally, you cannot understand a woman because the more you look, the less you see. Women are such interesting and wonderful creatures.  According to Beyoncé in one of the tracks “Run the world”, she asked who runs the world? Women of course. Underate them at your peril. Even in marriage, while men are generally the head, women are the neck.

To show how complicated women are, there was a story about a man who wants to travel to Hawaii, he asked God to build a bridge to fly through. God smiled at him and told him you know it’s not possible. God asked him to make another request, the man said, he has been four times and all the women left him and he would like to know why they left him and how to understand a woman, God smiled and asked him, how many bridges do you want? I guess you get the joke.

That said, the question needs to be asked how one understands a woman? I will be sharing some tips which are not exhaustive, but they are guidelines to understand a woman.

Just like the most powerful part of our human body is our brain because it controls all our thoughts and actions, that’s how a woman works. Imagine opening the brain, you’ll get to see how the veins and arteries are connected. That’s just to give you a glimpse of how a woman is composed. You can never understand her sensing capability, her level of intuition, her feelings, her thinking faculty, how she judges, perceives, and interprets information. Women are indeed wonderful!

However, women are the most interesting people if they show you love. For instance, if a woman decides to support you, she will go all out for you, but if they decide to fight you, please appeal to God for forgiveness and intervention because her anger can go over and beyond. Just to put things in perspective, never allow your wife to buy any property in the house before getting married, because if you do, the day she’s angry she’ll take all the properties. If you doubt, wait until you get married, and you’ll understand.

If I may ask, what do women really want? This is a question many sage, philosophers, and wise men have been battling to unravel for ages but have not been able to answer. To assist them I unravel this ancient question; I have been able to put little guidelines to understand a woman

On a cursory note, women want a man who is confident, and who embodies “alpha male energy.” Women are attracted to confidence, purpose, and direction in a man. Women will see with their eyes if you are confident, they won’t ask. The question now becomes, how does she know if that’s you? Well, she will test without you knowing. If you pass, she will reward you with all of her love. If you don’t? She will lose all attraction for you. Women love to be protected because sometimes they can be anxious and are more prone to anxiety.

Listen to her: The first step in understanding a woman is to listen to her. Paying attention to her words, actions and body language is the gateway to her heart. Take time to observe her. Whether she’s an acquaintance, a family member, or a romantic partner, if you take time to talk to a woman and really listen to what she has to say, you’ll soon have a clearer grasp of who she is and what makes her tick. While men communicate with words because they are logical and deal with facts, women communicate with their body language because they are emotional in nature. When you listen to a woman, you’ll see through her emotional side, but remember, she must give you the permission to understand her by opening to you. Trust me 95% of understanding a woman can be avoided when you understand this simple fact: women care about feelings, men care about facts.

Compliment her: You must show interest in what a woman likes. You can do this by complimenting her looks. Women love to be admired and appreciated. When you show interest in what a woman likes, it gives her a sense of belonging. Show interest in what she likes by tuning into what she’s thinking, feeling, and experiencing. This is called empathy, social skills, or “game” for lack of a better term.

Nurture & Pet her: Women love to be taken care of and hence they are considered the weaker sex. Women, by nature, are nurturers while men are hunters. Women loved to be pampered. Just like men are givers, women are receivers. Trust me, if a man is not giving you, he’s giving somebody. Even if a woman has money, she still loves it when a man gives her money.

Don’t Assume: Avoid making assumptions about a woman. Every woman is literally different. every woman is different. As a rule of thumb, when in doubt. Ask questions. This helps for clarity You can ask questions about her belief, feelings, and thoughts. One of the best ways to get to know and understand any person is to talk to them. For instance, you can ask her, why did you go into this profession?

In summary, I think the best way to understand a woman is to act like you don’t understand her. In that way, you’ll see her weird, quirky, and real personality.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: The Hand of Favour by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

Favour is one essential ingredient we need to succeed. Favour certainly mean different things to different people. To Christians, it can mean the grace of God; in the circular world, it is called the X-factor, and for professionals, it can be luck or “unmerited” access to people. In all, favour can come from God, human beings, or the society.

I chose to write about this topic because as a Human Capacity Coach, I have come to understand that in the journey of life, most people attribute their success to their abilities; hard or smart work. They fail to understand that the universe works in dynamic ways one may never understand. This is because you may have all it takes whether it is theoretical or practical experience, you may even come highly recommended, and still lose to someone with less theoretical and practical experience.

Let’s get more practical. In labour law, we have a saying that you cannot force a willing employee on an unwilling employer. You may be wondering what that means. In the corporate world, when a prospective employee is applying for a job, their biggest joy will be for the interviewers to like his or her face. This is because regardless of how qualified the candidate may be, if the panel or the head of the panel don’t like the face, it’s game over.

The hand of favour cannot be overemphasized; it trumps many factors. Favour works where man fails. In the real world, it is called the X-factor, and works in a dynamic way. It simply means a force or situation one cannot explain or imagine how it happened. When the X- factor is at work, there’s something about you that will make you stand out. In actual fact, to accomplish certain things in life, one needs favour. If everything works for you due to your strength, knowledge, or skill, you are not favored. There should be something that you can’t do, but only favour can make happen.

When you are experiencing unprecedented tough times you can’t decipher, just call on the universal power of favour to come to your aid. To accomplish great things, you need the favour of God and men. It is not your knowledge, experience, background etc. that can make it work. Sometimes, you might have all and still need favour. In my estimated understanding of life, apart from that of the creator of heaven and earth, the highest favour we need in life is that of men, because human beings are currency.

There’s usually a force one cannot explain as regards why some people will just like or dislike someone for no reason.

On a personal note, I have seen and experienced the hand of favour upon my life cause I didn’t know I would come this far. Though my mind usually tells me I will be great, but when I look at the circumstances surrounding my life, I tend to have faith in the impossibility being made possible.

Let me start from being the author of two amazing books, being interviewed on television several times, being interviewed by the New York Times, having rare, amazing, genuine family and friends in addition to having mentors who have shown me love beyond my imagination. Some of these mentors of mine were met virtually, while I met a few in person. Most recently, I was honored to pick a former Presidential Spokesman in Nigeria from the airport. The striking thing for me is that we were communicating virtually, and the communication was humbling. When this great man arrived in New York, not only did he autographed four of his amazing books for me, he lodged me in a five-star hotel and splashed dollars on me. When I specifically asked why he did that, he said he came to New York just to see me. That’s a wow for me.

To attract the magic hand of favour, your faith and altitude will have to attract the grace of favour to work for you. When you are favored, kings, queens, captains of industries, governors, presidents, celebrities, and many more will seek you.

Most times, we are quick to attract the blessings, and uncommon blessings that come our way as a result of our cerebral personalities, but that’s not the true position. Sometimes, there are things that come to you without your input. You may be even less qualified, and in some cases, it might appear technically and humanly impossible for you to overcome or succeed in that endeavour, but you might be surprised to win at the end of the day. That’s favour.

To know how favour works, consider how that beautiful and sassy girl from a decent family married you; how you got that job, how you met that great person, how you accomplished that task; how you won the election; and how you came this far. It’s called the favour of God.

When you are favored, people will inconvenience themselves to bless you. Favour works when it looks impossible to achieve a particular task; when you are sick and wondering how you will overcome this sickness. The doctors might have given you a date to die, but the date will come and go, and you’ll still be alive and, in some cases, live longer than the person who gave the date. What can one call such a situation if not favour and grace of God.

When you understand how favour works, you will thrive. For example, if someone is talented or gifted in designing, writing, singing, playing soccer, leading, among others, there’s a tendency that person or their team is likely to win just because someone is who is favored to do a particular work in the team. It is sad to note that most times, we lose opportunities and blessings because they do not dress well as we expect them. A typical example can be a young lady who has many suitors asking for her hand in marriage, she may be deceived by the looks of a particular man who may have riches, but lack the qualities of a husband or father, as opposed to a man who may not have the money now, but blessed with the desired qualities of a being a good husband, father in addition to wealth.

In conclusion, it is instructive to note that we all have this favour, but we don’t tap into it. Start by declaring and speaking favour into your life. While we waste time complaining of lack sometimes, it should be noted that the universe responds to what we give to it. So whenever you speak, just know that the walls hear, the ground stamps it, and the air carries it.  Again, the universe does not respond to lack. It responds to abundance. So, whenever you complain, just know that you are driving favour away.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate and creative writer Design Your Destiny and Unleash Your Destiny.  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Understanding Oneself: Foundation to Success by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom” – Socrates

Please permit me to begin this article by asking a simple question. Who are you? By this, I mean what you stand for or represent and not what the world thinks of you. It is instructive to note that what the world thinks of you is your reputation, but your character is who you really are.

If an employer wants to know more about a prospective employee, they can ask an open-ended question such as how would you describe yourself in one sentence? What are your strengths and weaknesses? Have you ever experienced a challenge or problem at work? If yes, how did you handle it? All these questions are structured to inquire more about the personality of the employee.

One of the best things anyone can do in life is not only to understand who they are, but also understand what they represent. It will be hard to know what you represent if you don’t understand who you are. If you don’t understand yourself, it will be difficult to understand other people.

According to Forbes, only 15% of the world are self-aware. One begins to wonder, what about the remaining 85%. As a transformational Human Capacity Coach, my company is focused on helping people unleash their potential. To do this, we use our self-discovery and mindset training manual to know more about them by giving them a set of self awareness questions which they are required to answer to the best of their knowledge. It is rather unfortunate that a lot of people don’t know themselves. They just exist as opposed to living.

Self-discovery is truly lacking in our society. When you truly know yourself, you will know your strengths and weaknesses. When you know yourself, you will know your boundaries as regards what to accept from people and where to draw the lines; you will know your personality traits; you will have a clearer understanding of your career path in your professional life; you will know how to interact with people; you will know your core values; you will have a clearer version of your life purpose; and you will be self-motivated. The list is literally endless.

In the journey of life, we engage in a lot of activities we are not supposed to be engaged in. For example, we study courses we are not wired or love to study, and this makes understanding difficult. Some of us apply for jobs we are not passionate about just to pay bills. Some of us even marry partners we don’t really like due to circumstances. Again, the list is endless. All these can lead to frustration and depression if not properly managed. If only we can take a deep breath and ask ourselves some deep thought-provoking questions on what we really want in life, and the reason we are doing what we are doing, the result will be different.

There are many ways to understand oneself. You can understand yourself by staying silent, reflecting about, and observing your life. These acts will help you to practice self-awareness which will ultimately help you to look inward and enable you to understand your feelings, emotions, and your personality. Self knowledge will enable you to know your values, interests, temperament, life mission, and activities to engage in.

As human beings, one thing we should constantly engage in is learning new things about ourselves on a daily basis. Knowing oneself takes time. However, due to desperation, most people don’t practice the art of stillness. When you take time to understand what’s involved in a particular work, it will be easy to solve it in a more efficient and effective manner. There is a story told of a philosopher, who fell into a ditch in front of him because he was too busy to see what was ahead of him.

Again, let’s take the case of Japan with about one hundred and twenty-five million people, which is one of the most industrialized countries on the planet, yet it maintains a level of calm despite the busy nature of the country.

The benefits of knowing oneself is priceless. It will make you confident which will ultimately eliminate self-doubt. It will help you build better and healthy health relationships by attracting the people you need and eliminating people you don’t need. You will be less stressed because you will focus on what’s important as opposed to irrelevant things which will keep your temperament and mindset in good shape.

Self discovery will help you to know your self-worth because no one will price you cheap when you know your value, and you will feel happier.

Furthermore, self knowledge will help you in decision making. When you know yourself, you will be able to make better choices about everything, from minor decisions to major decisions. Your temperament and personality type will be better managed as a leader or rational being.

Self control: When you know yourself, you will better manage yourself. If you can’t manage yourself, it will be hard to manage other people. When you know yourself, you understand what motivates you to resist bad habits and develop good ones. Knowing your strengths is one of the foundations of self confidence.

Resistance to social pressure. Self knowledge helps you to focus on what’s beneficial to you as opposed to other people. According to Bill Cosby, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone. When you are grounded in your values and preferences, you are less likely to say “yes” when you want to say “no.”

In conclusion, take time and reflect on this question, who am I? This is one of the most important questions you will answer in your entire life. When you answer this question, you have solved 50% of your life challenges. If you can’t answer this question, and need assistance, you can use the email below to reach out for assistance.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate and creative writer Design Your Destiny and Unleash Your Destiny.  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: The Power of Influence by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny friends,

We never know which lives we influence, or when, or why – Stephen King

As human beings, we are endowed with several powers; powers to make choices, take decisions, lead, love among others. The ones we allow are the ones that have control over us. These powers operate in several ways all in a bid to get humans to act in a certain way. However, one of the greatest human powers is the power to influence. When you can influence a human or animal, you will not only be revered and respected, but you will also be adored.

It should be noted that power and influence might sound relative, but they are different. Power is the ability to impose your will or make others act in the way you want based on your authority. Influence on the other hand is the ability to change how someone else behaves or thinks based on persuasion instead of authority. Influence refers to the ability to have a positive impact on others, to persuade or convince them to gain their support. The world needs people with positive influence. The power of influence is in dire need in life whether you are working as a student, politician, professional, parent, supervisor, coach, mentor, religious leader or even an employee, you have the power to influence people to act in certain ways. Influence can be negative or positive. When it is positive, it is for the common or public good, but when it is negative, it’s manipulative.

I have personally been influenced by the lives of great people who are not only wealthy, but extremely humble. I have also been inspired and influenced by intelligent people who are very humble. I have also been influenced by selfless people who share their time with the world even when it is not convenient for them to do so. Having said that, nothing humbles and influences me more than humility.

Influence works in several ways. You don’t really have to have political or institutional power to have influence. Influence is a currency if you know how to apply it. If you have a rich network, you have influence, if you have money, you have influence, if you are intelligent, you have influence, if you are handsome or beautiful, you have influence.

A typical example of how influence works is by examining the human body, all the parts of the human body are very important. No human part is less important than the other part of the body. Every single part of the human body needs the other parts to function well. If the anus no matter how little it is says you won’t be able to defecate, you will feel uncomfortable, if the little pinky or thumb finger says you can’t use them, it will be hard for you to hold any object comfortably.

The reason I shared this insight is to let you know how powerful you are to the extent you feel you are not relevant in the equation or scheme of things. To buttress this point once more, imagine during elections politicians are always looking for votes, especially in the swing areas to coast home to victory. In such a scenario, they will be glad to have any vote they can grab. So, do you see how powerful and influential you are? According to Richelle E. Goodrich, “All human beings wield influence – a powerful sword granted at birth. Wield your sword with care.”

In every sphere of life, we need influence to make things work. Whether in relationship, business, academic, family, school or church gatherings, the ability to influence people will be the game changer. This is because to influence someone, you must build a connection with that person.

To influence people, you need to listen to them and that entails using emotional intelligence which entails being able to understand what matters to them, their perspective, and using the insight to communicate with them.  According to Richelle Goodrich, “we are more likely to influence people if we are willing to minister with kindness and patience to their needs.

Below are three ways to influence people:

Persuasion

To influence people, you need to persuade them by using rational, logical arguments to explain your point. This entails showing them how beneficial the idea will be useful to them. Politicians and entrepreneurs are best advocates for this form of influence.

Collaboration

Another way to influence people is by collaborating with them. When you work with people, they feel comfortable to relate and share with you. Managers, supervisors, and associations use this medium of influence to achieve their goal, vision or purpose because they all commit to do a task together. As a leader when you collaborate with people, your subordinates see a committed leader who gives them more reason to commit on their own.

Inspiration

Do you know you can influence someone with the way you live your life? Most times, people are inspired by the works of other people more than their words. Great leaders, athletes, children, mentees, and progressive model people who have done great work in the society. According to David McKay, “Children are more influenced by sermons you act than by sermons you preach”.

In conclusion, do you want to be a man of influence? If yes, you can decide the legacy you want the world to reckon with you. According to Jack Robison, “A life isn’t significant except for its impact on other lives”.

The question you need to ask yourself is what impact are you making in society. When you decide the change what you want to see in the society, pick one cause or area of life you are passionate about which you would like to see a change in the society and be the change you want the world to see. To do that, I have shared some inspiring quotes to inspire you on this journey.

It is more important to influence people than to impress them.
– Adrian Rogers

If you try to influence everyone, you won’t influence anyone.
– Josh Steimle

A life without influence is a life without meaning.
– Josh Steimle

Family and impact come first, income and influence come second as a supporting role.
– Richie Norton

Nothing has a greater influence over your life than your thoughts whether they are negative or positive. – Tasha Hoggatt

The influential man is the successful man, whether he be rich or poor.
– Orison Swett Marden

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s a Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate and creative writer Design Your Destiny and Unleash Your Destiny.  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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