Connect with us

Adding Value

Adding Value: Understanding a Woman by Henry Ukazu

Published

on

Dear Destiny Friends,

As a Human Capacity and Mindset Coach, one of my services is centered on counseling. I also mentor youths and career professionals on academics and relationships.

Let me make a full disclosure here, I’m not a relationship or marriage counselor, but the nature of my work makes me appear as one due to my numerous videos and engagement with people. However, it is pertinent to note that, as a self-discovery coach, I try to relate with people to understand their pains to assist them in resolving their problems. I do with my self-discovery manual.

It’s instructive to note that in school, workplaces, churches, social gatherings, and homes, we are thought different skills, ethics, life training, and teachings, but we are not thought the school of understanding life, we learn the school of life in the streets while relating with human beings.

It is often said one of the most difficult people to understand is women. In fact, some people say women are the most complicated people on planet earth.  According to some scholars, there are three people who cannot advise, a rich man, a religious bigot, and a woman in love. This is because the more you try to understand them, the more you get confused. That leaves us with the question, can one understand a woman? Personally, I will say yes and no. Yes, because if she lets you understand her and even at that it is what she wants you to understand. No, because you can never understand a woman.

The truth is, however, that once you understand a few core tenets of female psychology, women become easier than ever to understand.

Understanding a human being and life is one of the hardest if not the hardest things in the world. It’s just like understanding the psychology of money and blessings. Money, blessings, and opportunities can come in “mysterious”. Some schools of thought opine blessings are spiritual because succeeding in life takes more than being hardworking. An element of God factor, luck, preparation, smartness, networking, etc. play a role. This opportunity comes in ways and manners we cannot comprehend sometimes.

Above all, it is easier to understand life and a man than to understand a woman. This is because, in social relationships, men often seem “stupid” to women, and why women seem “crazy” to men because women don’t seem to understand why a man will have a beautiful, smart, loyal, classy, and submissive girlfriend/wife and he’ll still cheat with a good for nothing lady, while men will always wonder why a lady will fall in love with a guy/man who is not handsome, or a mechanic with no formal education or even someone who is a 5feet and 2 inches tall compared to a handsome, intelligent and tall guy. One begins to wonder what the lady saw in the guy. Well, it could be how he talks, how she feels, or even just his smile. Indeed, women need to be understudied.

Generally, you cannot understand a woman because the more you look, the less you see. Women are such interesting and wonderful creatures.  According to Beyoncé in one of the tracks “Run the world”, she asked who runs the world? Women of course. Underate them at your peril. Even in marriage, while men are generally the head, women are the neck.

To show how complicated women are, there was a story about a man who wants to travel to Hawaii, he asked God to build a bridge to fly through. God smiled at him and told him you know it’s not possible. God asked him to make another request, the man said, he has been four times and all the women left him and he would like to know why they left him and how to understand a woman, God smiled and asked him, how many bridges do you want? I guess you get the joke.

That said, the question needs to be asked how one understands a woman? I will be sharing some tips which are not exhaustive, but they are guidelines to understand a woman.

Just like the most powerful part of our human body is our brain because it controls all our thoughts and actions, that’s how a woman works. Imagine opening the brain, you’ll get to see how the veins and arteries are connected. That’s just to give you a glimpse of how a woman is composed. You can never understand her sensing capability, her level of intuition, her feelings, her thinking faculty, how she judges, perceives, and interprets information. Women are indeed wonderful!

However, women are the most interesting people if they show you love. For instance, if a woman decides to support you, she will go all out for you, but if they decide to fight you, please appeal to God for forgiveness and intervention because her anger can go over and beyond. Just to put things in perspective, never allow your wife to buy any property in the house before getting married, because if you do, the day she’s angry she’ll take all the properties. If you doubt, wait until you get married, and you’ll understand.

If I may ask, what do women really want? This is a question many sage, philosophers, and wise men have been battling to unravel for ages but have not been able to answer. To assist them I unravel this ancient question; I have been able to put little guidelines to understand a woman

On a cursory note, women want a man who is confident, and who embodies “alpha male energy.” Women are attracted to confidence, purpose, and direction in a man. Women will see with their eyes if you are confident, they won’t ask. The question now becomes, how does she know if that’s you? Well, she will test without you knowing. If you pass, she will reward you with all of her love. If you don’t? She will lose all attraction for you. Women love to be protected because sometimes they can be anxious and are more prone to anxiety.

Listen to her: The first step in understanding a woman is to listen to her. Paying attention to her words, actions and body language is the gateway to her heart. Take time to observe her. Whether she’s an acquaintance, a family member, or a romantic partner, if you take time to talk to a woman and really listen to what she has to say, you’ll soon have a clearer grasp of who she is and what makes her tick. While men communicate with words because they are logical and deal with facts, women communicate with their body language because they are emotional in nature. When you listen to a woman, you’ll see through her emotional side, but remember, she must give you the permission to understand her by opening to you. Trust me 95% of understanding a woman can be avoided when you understand this simple fact: women care about feelings, men care about facts.

Compliment her: You must show interest in what a woman likes. You can do this by complimenting her looks. Women love to be admired and appreciated. When you show interest in what a woman likes, it gives her a sense of belonging. Show interest in what she likes by tuning into what she’s thinking, feeling, and experiencing. This is called empathy, social skills, or “game” for lack of a better term.

Nurture & Pet her: Women love to be taken care of and hence they are considered the weaker sex. Women, by nature, are nurturers while men are hunters. Women loved to be pampered. Just like men are givers, women are receivers. Trust me, if a man is not giving you, he’s giving somebody. Even if a woman has money, she still loves it when a man gives her money.

Don’t Assume: Avoid making assumptions about a woman. Every woman is literally different. every woman is different. As a rule of thumb, when in doubt. Ask questions. This helps for clarity You can ask questions about her belief, feelings, and thoughts. One of the best ways to get to know and understand any person is to talk to them. For instance, you can ask her, why did you go into this profession?

In summary, I think the best way to understand a woman is to act like you don’t understand her. In that way, you’ll see her weird, quirky, and real personality.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Continue Reading
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Adding Value

Adding Value: Tribute: Celebrating My Mentors

Published

on

By

By Abdulakeem Sodeeq Sulyman

Waiters believe the right time will come for them to start working on their dreams; but achievers believe in the opportunities every time – positive or negative – posed to them to actualize their dreams” – Abdulakeem Sodeeq Sulyman 

Today is one of the most important days of my life because in a few hours, I will be officially admitted into the league of the recipients of the Presidential Lifetime Award. Being a recipient of the prestigious award is, to me, as a devoted Christian, is nothing short of the grace of the Most High God, who has been my ultimate guardian and pillar of support and encouragement. I will alway glorify His holy name!

But beyond that, I wouldn’t have attained this peak of greatness without the influence of my parents, family members, friends, mentors, acquaintances and most importantly, my doubters. Your respective roles in nurturing me for the greatness I was destined to achieve really shaped my life’s trajectory by instilling the right values in me and energizing me in pursuing my aspirations and dreams.

To start with the order of the people I mentioned earlier, I owe everything I become in life to my parents because they were the embodiments of my standards. I cannot thank my parents enough for their sacrifices for me and my brothers and sisters. My parents’ guidance and support were indelible! Comparing my humble backgrounds with where I am today deepens my affections and admiration for my parents. Their teachings and conduct affirmed the old-time principle that “In the race of life, you need to start from somewhere in order to get to where you want to be.”

I think I would be an ingrate if I failed to acknowledge the roles of family members on my upbringing because these are people who went outside their comfort zones to make life bearable for us – my brothers, sisters and me – when the time was tough. Our family members stood by us during the time life posed the daunting challenges of coping with our father’s and mother’s demises. Today is one of the days yourDear Destiny Friends, respective deeds will affirm to you that the greatest investment in life is the one made on humanity.

Also significant to my greatness are the roles of my friends. Overtime, I have lost direction in life and made damning mistakes – like all other humans. However, I also have the rare opportunity of getting my life back on track because I am surrounded by friends who know that I have purposes to accomplish, believe in me and support me to birth my purposes. During the course of my life, I have been privileged to meet and connect with wonderful people, who all proven to me that I am bound to change the course of humanity if I don’t give up on myself.

At every point in our life, we are bound to come across people who will make us better and prepare us for the nitty-gritty of the possibilities we are meant to create with our lives. These people, without being equivocal, are our mentors. In my own life, I owe these people more than the world because of the roles they played in grooming me for the world that mirrors the purposes God wants to fulfill. My mentors, at every corner of the world, gave birth to the Henry Ukazu you all know today.

Since I was mentored by some people to become the version of myself, what would be my contributions towards sustaining the chain of mentorship? Answering this question birthed in me the necessity of being a guiding light to the people our paths crossed. Consciously or unconsciously, I have gained more from the people who believed they have much to learn from me. You may be tempted to ask how I gained from my prospective learners. I gained from them because I know that their commitment to learn from me places more responsibility on me to learn more, so that I will not disappoint them.

No man ever attained the peak of his aspirations by compliments alone. To do great things, you must be talked out of the way by doubters or challengers. But if you don’t let their words or deeds deter you, you will eventually prove them wrong! It is normal for people to write you off; it is normal for people to take advantage of you and it is normal to feel you don’t have anything to offer. I don’t know what your story is, but all I can say is appreciate the trials, challenges and disappointments that come with achieving greatness.

This was exactly my storyline. I cannot count the number of times I was discouraged from doing what I believed. But because I know I am working on purpose, my energy is always refilled anytime I am told something cannot be done by me. This principle is highly working for my turnarounds. If you want me to break boundaries, tell me I can’t. Your doubts will challenge me to see possibilities and make them happen.

That has been the secret of my leadership as I learned from Peter Drucker, the famous management expert, that “Leadership is lifting a person’s vision to higher sights, the raising of a person’s performance to a higher standard, the building of a personality beyond its normal limitations.” I am here today because I saw beyond the place of my birth and didn’t allow any obstacle to limit me.

Thank you all for being parts of my success!

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Continue Reading

Adding Value

Adding Value: The Blessings of Giving by Henry Ukazu

Published

on

By

Dear Destiny Friends,

As human beings, life offers us several blessings. The blessings can be spiritual, physical, financial, academic, marital, vocational, professional, and even personal which can be attributed to grace.

Just like one man’s food is another man’s poison, blessings mean several things to different people. Some of us desire the blessings of parents which I humbly think is the highest form of blessings apart from the blessings of God. While someone might be praying and wishing for the blessing of a life partner, some other persons are praying for the blessings of the fruit of the womb, destiny helpers or even dream job.

When we talk of giving, it’s not limited to financial blessings. It’s only myopic minds who judge or see people who give money as good people. We should desist from the mindset of seeing people who give money as good people. Some great minds might give you their time to mentor you, train you, or give you opportunities that will shape your life.

Giving shows where our heart and love resides. Different things appeal to different people. Your goal is to know what works for the person. Your ability to pay attention is critical to knowing someone. For instance, when you listen to how people spend their time and money, you will know how their mind works.  The truth about life is that one can love without giving. If anyone is not giving you, he is giving to someone or to another cause.

Do you know what makes one happy? Yes, it can help to battle depression. Some people derive satisfaction when they give. Do you know that giving can be contagious? Yes, this principle is applicable when one pays it forward.When people experience a generous kindness, they are more apt to treat others with the same sort of benevolence.

When it comes to giving, what’s important is the motive or intention. There are several reasons why most people give money, some give money for charitable purpose, some give because the law of God admonishes us to give, some give just to encourage employees or to inspire people, some give because they have the feeling or mindset the person they give might give them tomorrow or the children of the receiver will reciprocate in the nearest future, or because they want to sow presence so that their benefactor can notice them. Some people even give because it gives them joy, and this is where I belong. As a matter of fact, one of my weak points is that I can be too kind to a fault. The list is literally endless.

Giving is relative. Some people might give their money, some give their time which can be priceless, some might give loyalty, others might give expertise on a subject matter. What is important is to know the value of the blessings you are receiving because in the grand scheme of things, none is more important than the other, it all depends on the needs at the said time. For instance, if someone is hungry, the best gift you can give the person is food or money to buy food. The person might not necessarily need words of consolation, neither does he need academic tutor nor spiritual teachings.

According to Dr. Yomi Garnet, a celebrated author, “one thing is certain in life, there are hidden blessings that come when one gives genuinely. It’s sad to note that we live in a world where some people find it hard to give.

In practical terms, prosperity is probably in two forms: There is survival prosperity, and there is Abrahamovic abundance. The way to proceed from the first to the second simply to become a channel of blessings for others. We do this by doing three things.: Giving to the kingdom of God, giving to the poor within His Kingdom; giving to the poor outside his kingdom.

The blessing of giving is priceless. Do you know the givers hand is always on top. I have always counseled my friends who complain when they give to put themselves in the position of the person receiving. Be happy you are in the position to give as opposed to receive. I don’t really think people love to beg even though some people have little or no shame when it comes to begging.

When it comes to giving and receiving, what’s important is to focus on the needs or desires of the giver in order to receive. For instance, if you want to receive funds from a fortune 500 company, when you are working on your proposal, it must align to their needs or interest. Several things motivate several people, so your ability to know what works for each person might be the icing on a cake.

It’s just like an employee who is looking to work in a multinational national company or any great company of interest, what the hiring managers might be concerned is to know how the employee is a perfect for the position, and this might entail looking at the skills, qualifications or interest which the intending employee will show he has given time, money and resources to show he’s capable, competent in addition to be being consistent on how his works. While the potential employee will have to show reasons why he should be hired, and all these will point to one thing, giving.

In conclusion, if you desire anything in life, consider giving it your time, whether it involves setting up a business, beginning a relationship, studying a course, serving God, or building your body; consider giving it your time and resources, and trust me, the blessings will come back to you. That’s the blessings of giving.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Continue Reading

Adding Value

Adding Value: Appreciate Your Challenges by Henry Ukazu

Published

on

By

Dear Destiny Friends,

Human beings are bound to face challenges whether they like it or not. The challenges of life are inevitable no matter how one tries to avoid them. According to Bill Cosby, “the only way to avoid criticisms is to say nothing, do nothing and be nothing”. This is impossible because they will surely talk about you whether you talk or not. This is simply how the challenges of life work. You can’t shy away from problems. In fact, the only time we stop facing challenges is when we are dead.

Just to let you know how one can’t shy away from problems in life; imagine one driving a car, and he is extremely careful, no matter how careful he might be, he can’t control the steering of another car behind or in front of him. The best he can do is to manage his car to minimize potential danger.

In the same way, problems and challenges will surely locate anyone no matter how careful they are on issues of life.

Challenges come in different forms; some of them are financial challenges, academic challenges, emotional challenges, health challenges, marital challenges, professional challenges, spiritual challenges and personal challenges. The challenges of life are unlimited, and managing these challenges is what makes us rational and informed beings. The way these challenges are managed can either mar or make the individual.

Overcoming these challenges are not as easy as one may think. This is where trusted friends, advisors, and mentors, who can assist in navigating through these challenges come to play. These people must be people who have our interest at heart, but more importantly, they should be people who are knowledgeable and experienced in such cases or subject matter. This is because a wise man learns from his mistakes, but a wiser man learns from other people’s mistakes.

In relating with trusted people, it’s advisable for one to be vulnerable. This can be challenging, but then it’s the risk one must take to get assistance. Vulnerability helps one to connect with people especially when one is relating with a matured mind with emotional intelligence.

Regardless of how one’s challenges are, challenges are not bad per se, there are certain good things that come with challenges. As a matter of fact, challenges help to sharpen one very well, it gives one a new perspective to life, help learn new lessons, creates opportunity, strengthens and makes one stronger.

As human beings, we experience adversaries of some kind which can lead to downfall. These falls can be devastating, and can make one feel traumatized. However, we should view these falls with gratitude rather than dismay. This is because of the inherent lessons contained in them. Isn’t it true that our disappointment sometimes can lead to our appointments, just like our trials can lead to our triumphs and our pains can metamorphose to our gains? If only we can maximize the inherent messages and lessons they contain.

To show you how you can benefit from your challenges and pains, sometimes, things will go bad for things to happen just like gold and oil will have to be refined and processed to be resourceful. In the same vein, milk goes bad to become cheese, wheat and corn go bad to become whiskey, gracie juice ferments to become wine, garbage goes rotten and becomes compost.

So, in the grand scheme of things, sometimes in life, things did not go wrong so you could get anxious, depressed, or suicidal. They went bad because it is part of the process of progress. Sometimes, the best comes after the worst. You will get better if you don’t get bitter. In some cases, things can go bad due to the mistakes and choices one made, and as you may know, actions have corresponding consequences.

In conclusion, I don’t know what may have gone wrong in your life; I don’t know the mistakes you may have made, neither do I know the challenges you may have experienced, but the good news I have for you is to stay strong, appreciate the challenges and the associated lessons it brought your way, while believing in God to help you to overcome. This is because sometimes in life, the creator of heaven and earth brings these challenges to us for reasons best known to Him. So when you can’t change it, kindly appreciate it with love because at the end of the day you will smile cheerfully.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Continue Reading

Trending