Dear Destiny Friends,

Did you know confidence is a currency? Confidence is not about one’s strength, but about one’s ability, capacity, capability and competence. When someone is confident, it can be felt. One doesn’t have to say much because their work will speak for them.

Confidence works in all fields of life. A man who wants to talk to a lady must have a level of confidence; a prospective employee must have confidence to pass his examination, and a public speaker must have a decent amount of confidence to speak.

In the legal world, a Latin maxim suggests, “Res Ipsa Loquitur,” meaning that the fact speaks for itself. For the sake of clarity, the maxim means that one doesn’t have to provide much explanation to prove a point in the court of law. For instance, white is white and black is black. So, when one is confident about their work, they don’t need to speak too much about because the work will speak for itself.

To further understand how confidence works, consider Walter Payton’s exposition on knowing the difference between Good and Great; “when you are good at something, you tell everyone, when you’re great at something, they’ll tell you. Isn’t it true that noise is loud while creation is silent? Sometimes, I do wonder why people have the urge to boast about their achievements as opposed to allowing other people to sing their praises. Please, don’t misunderstand me, it’s good to speak about oneself in addition to having high self-esteem; however, the balance is having moderation.

Confidence always stays in the family of humility; they are opposed to pride and arrogance, and those who always feel entitled and sarcastic. Most great leaders who know their worth are humble and charitable in their relationship with those who are inferior, as against arrogant leaders.

Confidence works in different ways.

Whether you are preparing for an examination, a career promotion, soccer, or an athletic competition, you need confidence, because that’s what will set you apart from your contemporaries. That’s why it’s always and generally good to prepare before you begin any major task; failure to do this can lead to disaster because failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

Imagine being called upon to speak or lead an organization; if you don’t do your homework diligently, you are setting yourself up for failure. Contrast the case to a scenario where you could meet President Trump, Elon Musk, or even your idol who has inspired you to become great, and you came prepared with your questions.

Trust me, at the end of the time, if my thinking is right, you might not remain the same again because a lot of mental transformation may have taken place. As a matter of fact, lots of opportunities might open for you to explore simply because you made yourself available and have the confidence to speak up.

Inasmuch as it is generally good for one to prepare, in some cases, one just has to swim inside the oceans because there’s little or no time for preparation. This is an exception to the general rule of life which advocates preparation. I can relate to this rule because I was a victim.

I can vividly remember when I arrived the United States of America and joined the Nigerian Lawyers Association as a graduate student. During the election, I picked up the form for Public Relations Officer; no one contested for the position, so I won unopposed. The interesting thing about this position was that I wasn’t prepared to assume the position; I felt it was like one of those organizations I could handle like I did while in Nigeria. However, one thing is certain: I had subtle confidence in my ability even though I knew the journey would be challenging. The result and experience were totally different.

Confidence doesn’t come easily; it has to be nurtured with preparation, just like gold has to go through fire in the furnace to become refined.

In conclusion, I would like to ask you, what gives you strength, what makes you happy, and what do you do with relative ease? When you figure it out, please focus on it and build it. By the time you are done, you will be amazed at what you have accomplished by applying confidence to your personality.

In conclusion, as your journey in life, please note that foundations are critical in life. They can either mar or make you. So, please pay attention to the foundation you are laying down because at the end of the day, the way you make your bed is the way you will lie on it.

Dear Destiny Friends,

If you are asked, what your foundation is, what would be your response? In case, you are wondering the kind of foundation meant, consider the following. Foundation means different things to different people and even different organizations. A student’s foundation may be linked to how their parents trained them, through elementary, High school and college. A Christian foundation might be linked to their knowledge of the Bible and encounter with God. The formidability of a house or structure is traceable to its foundation just as an employee’s or Chief Executive Officer’s work ethic can be linked to their foundational years in service.

Foundations are very critical in life. When the foundation is not right, there is bound to be a problem. It is rightly said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a step in the right direction. Did you know that foundation can affect one’s business, education, faith, career, development if success, if not properly aligned.

Let’s take a case study of an entrepreneur who is trying to develop or market a product. Initially, there will be challenge, especially when he has not been able to do his background check very well in addition to adding value to his life. But when he finally gets it right, it will be easy for him to sell the product. Even at that, most people will be concerned to know what inspired the person to develop the product and their trajectory in life, and that’s where foundation comes in.

Furthermore, if anyone wants to contest for an elective position, the electorate will be concerned about what their track record in leadership is, and emphasis will be placed on the relative professional experience that will make anyone vote for them. The same principle is applicable to anyone interested in furthering their education.

Let’s take another case study of anyone interested in earning a Ph.D. The student would have had a background in bachelor’s and master’s degrees, which is relative to the Ph.D. Failure to do this might pose a challenge to the admission process. When a student lacks the requisite educational training, they will be advised to get a post graduate diploma.

When it relates to friends, family and business associates, the ability to select the right people will set the right tone for success. For example, if you have a business, your ability to hire the right people who are more knowledgeable in addition to having expertise will be a great asset to your business. When you hire the wrong people, you are setting yourself up for failure.

It’s instructive to note that every family has a secret they are built on. Yes, every family has a secret which only the family knows. These family secrets serve as the nucleus and foundation upon which the family is built. A family built with a strong value system like prayer, love, patience, and respect stands stronger than families without a value system. That alone is a recipe for disaster in the society.

For married couples to work together, they must share similar values, interests, goals, values, religion, in addition to other related alignments to make the marriage work. Amidst all these interests, it’s instructive to note that what binds them together is more than what separates them. One may be wondering what that means. Well, one of the hallmarks that has sustained a good marriage/relationship is friendship. When two good friends marry, the union is literally blissful because what binds them together is more than what separates them.  Imagine, where two friends dated for about three or five years, they would have understood each other very well, and that would be a strong basis for both to always look back on how they started when friction arises.

Every business has an ideology, value, mission and values they hold in high esteem. These ideologies serve as the foundation and inspiration for the business. In some cases, these foundations serve as the stories of why the organization or founding fathers established the organization. The same principle is applicable when it comes to picking a business partner. Both parties must share similar interests and alignments in the business.

Do you have a foundation? If yes, what is it? On a personal note, I am bold to tell anyone who cares to know, God is my foundation. I am very unapologetic about it. Most people believe in other powers, humans or even themselves, but that’s not me. My help comes from God who made the Heaven and earth. I can’t take the glory of God.

Sometimes, when I look at the trajectory of my life, and how far I have come in life, all I can say is glory be to God because I literally know my foundation, strength and limitations. To have reached this stage in life can be attributed to nothing else but God. Yes, I worked hard, I networked well with the right people in addition to being in the right places at the right times because of strategic relationships. I can go on and on, but I know there are people who have done hundred times more than me and yet can’t get the level of result I have produced overtime.

If not for the grace and mercy of God, I don’t know what I would say. For the sake of clarity let me share a few instances. I have been humbled to be interviewed by New York Times, interviewed at least three times on the television by News12, published two books with the third one in view, partnered with United Nations Development Programme in addition to having one of the best talented minds on earth to work with in my organization. I can go on and on. But as a sage will say, a word is enough for the wise.

What’s interesting about these achievements is that none is a result of human factors. They all happened in a way one will attribute the feat to God. So, why will I be ashamed of giving God the glory?

Some may not have the right foundation in life, but that is not a problem. Foundation can be learned. When you meet people or work in a certain environment, please pay attention to their values, lifestyle and more importantly the culture, and pick the right information.

In conclusion, as your journey through life, please note that foundations are critical in life. They can either mar or make you. So, please pay attention to the foundation you are laying down because at the end of the day, the way you make your bed is the way you will lie on it.

Dear Destiny Friends,

Cross is a word that means several things to several people. For Christians, apart from serving as symbol of their faith, it refers to the agony Jesus Christ had to experience for the salvation of mankind. For a married couple, it refers to their partner’s excesses. For a grown man, it means the various endeavours required to provide for the family. For the woman, it can mean carrying a child for nine months, while for parents, it can be training and providing for their children, and for business people, it means developing, investing and growing their businesses. For employees on the other hand, it means doing the needful for the collective growth of the firm. On a general note, cross can refer to the burden or process one has to bear or undergo to be successful.

What therefore, is your cross? Yes, there’s no human being on earth without a cross. The crosses we carry however, vary. Cross is like pain. We all experience it differently. Just like it’s usually said in some social parlance, one man’s meat is another’s poison. Someone’s pain might be someone’s gain, and what might appear heavy for someone might be fun for another.

We can easily juxtapose the case of a wealthy man without a child with a poor man with children. They want what the other doesn’t have.  Another scenario is where someone with enough wealth, but the children are not responsive to tutelage. Now contrast that to a case where someone might have just one or two children who are very responsible, but does not have money to support their needs and training.

Another scenario is where a student might have money, but lacks understanding to pass a subject unlike another student who might be poor, but he’s extremely intelligent. I can go on and on, but as a sage would say, a word is enough for the wise.

In the journey of life, everyone carries a cross at a particular point in time. This cross appears in various stages. The newly born child must undergo the process of crawling, walking and running. At each stage, the child carried a cross. In the same way, when the child is two years, the interest of the child changes. And it is when he becomes four years, six years, eight years, 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, 25 years, 30 years, 35 years, 40 years 50 years and 60 years, and continues to change as the years add. A closer look will explain that the child will definitely carry a cross at each stage of their life until they leave this world. The cross never ends, it just changes.

The same principle is applicable to relationships. During dating or courtship, the way partners relate is quite different from when they are married. When they are married, their love language hits different, and when the kids begin to come in, it’s a different story. When their marriage hits five, 10, 15, 20, and 30 years, it’s a different ball game entirely. The interesting thing here is that, what ordinarily might not be a problem during their first three years might threaten their marriage in five or ten years because the cross they carry has shifted.

Everyone has a cross irrespective if the profession or leaning. I call this cross “secret frustration”. What makes the ultimate difference is how we manage the pain or frustration. If the pain, challenge or cross is properly managed, one will not appear burnt, however, if the pain takes a toil on you, one will pay the price and if not properly managed it can have an adverse repercussion.

Furthermore, carrying one’s cross involves carrying one’s responsibility and vision. Nobody will carry it for you. Imagine, having a vision and giving it to someone else, nobody will carry your vision for you, neither will anyone do the work for you.

In my personal experience in life, I have always searched for men who can pour into me whether financially, academically, mentally, spiritually and health-wise. One may wonder what I gained during the period, I was disappointed on several occasions. It was the moment I realized my life and success was entirely in my hands, I became intentional in carrying my cross and results began to trickle in. The moral of my experience is that nobody will save you, you must save yourself. The best anybody can do is to assist you to save you.

One of the surprising things I have discovered when people carry their crosses is that others appear to be spectators; they observe with reservation to see how life will unfold for you. By the time one succeeds, these observers appear like flies to grab their own share of largesse they didn’t invest in. Suddenly, they become entitled to your hard-earned money and opportunities which they didn’t contribute to making. As one of my mentors will say, you are allowed to do the work, but you are not permitted to eat alone. These sets of ignorant minds fail to understand the importance of taking risks, sacrificing and building strategic relationships. These are the strong pillars which separate an ordinary mind from an extraordinary man.

The moral of this analysis is that the extra-ordinary man was intentional in carrying his cross by taking strategic risks, experiencing failures and building and investing in strategic relationships which culminated to their success, but the ordinary man was merely concerned in staying in their comfort zones.

It’s instructive to note that it’s not easy for anyone; everyone is dealing with something. Sometimes, people make foolish mistakes and take poor decisions which cause them a fortune and they expect someone who they consider as a Lamb of God to take away their sins, but life doesn’t work that way. If you ask someone for assistance and they say they can’t afford it, please don’t be mad, because if you can, you wouldn’t ask them.

In conclusion, I don’t know what your situation is, but I’m here to tell you, your cross is valid, and your cross will not only design your destiny, but it will unleash your destiny which will ultimately set you apart. So, don’t be hard on yourself when you are carrying your cross, it’s part of life’s journey and process to fashion and unleash you to the world.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com