Dear Destiny Friends,

Favour is one essential ingredient we need to succeed. Favour certainly mean different things to different people. To Christians, it can mean the grace of God; in the circular world, it is called the X-factor, and for professionals, it can be luck or “unmerited” access to people. In all, favour can come from God, human beings, or the society.

I chose to write about this topic because as a Human Capacity Coach, I have come to understand that in the journey of life, most people attribute their success to their abilities; hard or smart work. They fail to understand that the universe works in dynamic ways one may never understand. This is because you may have all it takes whether it is theoretical or practical experience, you may even come highly recommended, and still lose to someone with less theoretical and practical experience.

Let’s get more practical. In labour law, we have a saying that you cannot force a willing employee on an unwilling employer. You may be wondering what that means. In the corporate world, when a prospective employee is applying for a job, their biggest joy will be for the interviewers to like his or her face. This is because regardless of how qualified the candidate may be, if the panel or the head of the panel don’t like the face, it’s game over.

The hand of favour cannot be overemphasized; it trumps many factors. Favour works where man fails. In the real world, it is called the X-factor, and works in a dynamic way. It simply means a force or situation one cannot explain or imagine how it happened. When the X- factor is at work, there’s something about you that will make you stand out. In actual fact, to accomplish certain things in life, one needs favour. If everything works for you due to your strength, knowledge, or skill, you are not favored. There should be something that you can’t do, but only favour can make happen.

When you are experiencing unprecedented tough times you can’t decipher, just call on the universal power of favour to come to your aid. To accomplish great things, you need the favour of God and men. It is not your knowledge, experience, background etc. that can make it work. Sometimes, you might have all and still need favour. In my estimated understanding of life, apart from that of the creator of heaven and earth, the highest favour we need in life is that of men, because human beings are currency.

There’s usually a force one cannot explain as regards why some people will just like or dislike someone for no reason.

On a personal note, I have seen and experienced the hand of favour upon my life cause I didn’t know I would come this far. Though my mind usually tells me I will be great, but when I look at the circumstances surrounding my life, I tend to have faith in the impossibility being made possible.

Let me start from being the author of two amazing books, being interviewed on television several times, being interviewed by the New York Times, having rare, amazing, genuine family and friends in addition to having mentors who have shown me love beyond my imagination. Some of these mentors of mine were met virtually, while I met a few in person. Most recently, I was honored to pick a former Presidential Spokesman in Nigeria from the airport. The striking thing for me is that we were communicating virtually, and the communication was humbling. When this great man arrived in New York, not only did he autographed four of his amazing books for me, he lodged me in a five-star hotel and splashed dollars on me. When I specifically asked why he did that, he said he came to New York just to see me. That’s a wow for me.

To attract the magic hand of favour, your faith and altitude will have to attract the grace of favour to work for you. When you are favored, kings, queens, captains of industries, governors, presidents, celebrities, and many more will seek you.

Most times, we are quick to attract the blessings, and uncommon blessings that come our way as a result of our cerebral personalities, but that’s not the true position. Sometimes, there are things that come to you without your input. You may be even less qualified, and in some cases, it might appear technically and humanly impossible for you to overcome or succeed in that endeavour, but you might be surprised to win at the end of the day. That’s favour.

To know how favour works, consider how that beautiful and sassy girl from a decent family married you; how you got that job, how you met that great person, how you accomplished that task; how you won the election; and how you came this far. It’s called the favour of God.

When you are favored, people will inconvenience themselves to bless you. Favour works when it looks impossible to achieve a particular task; when you are sick and wondering how you will overcome this sickness. The doctors might have given you a date to die, but the date will come and go, and you’ll still be alive and, in some cases, live longer than the person who gave the date. What can one call such a situation if not favour and grace of God.

When you understand how favour works, you will thrive. For example, if someone is talented or gifted in designing, writing, singing, playing soccer, leading, among others, there’s a tendency that person or their team is likely to win just because someone is who is favored to do a particular work in the team. It is sad to note that most times, we lose opportunities and blessings because they do not dress well as we expect them. A typical example can be a young lady who has many suitors asking for her hand in marriage, she may be deceived by the looks of a particular man who may have riches, but lack the qualities of a husband or father, as opposed to a man who may not have the money now, but blessed with the desired qualities of a being a good husband, father in addition to wealth.

In conclusion, it is instructive to note that we all have this favour, but we don’t tap into it. Start by declaring and speaking favour into your life. While we waste time complaining of lack sometimes, it should be noted that the universe responds to what we give to it. So whenever you speak, just know that the walls hear, the ground stamps it, and the air carries it.  Again, the universe does not respond to lack. It responds to abundance. So, whenever you complain, just know that you are driving favour away.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate and creative writer Design Your Destiny and Unleash Your Destiny.  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Dear Destiny Friends,

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom” – Socrates

Please permit me to begin this article by asking a simple question. Who are you? By this, I mean what you stand for or represent and not what the world thinks of you. It is instructive to note that what the world thinks of you is your reputation, but your character is who you really are.

If an employer wants to know more about a prospective employee, they can ask an open-ended question such as how would you describe yourself in one sentence? What are your strengths and weaknesses? Have you ever experienced a challenge or problem at work? If yes, how did you handle it? All these questions are structured to inquire more about the personality of the employee.

One of the best things anyone can do in life is not only to understand who they are, but also understand what they represent. It will be hard to know what you represent if you don’t understand who you are. If you don’t understand yourself, it will be difficult to understand other people.

According to Forbes, only 15% of the world are self-aware. One begins to wonder, what about the remaining 85%. As a transformational Human Capacity Coach, my company is focused on helping people unleash their potential. To do this, we use our self-discovery and mindset training manual to know more about them by giving them a set of self awareness questions which they are required to answer to the best of their knowledge. It is rather unfortunate that a lot of people don’t know themselves. They just exist as opposed to living.

Self-discovery is truly lacking in our society. When you truly know yourself, you will know your strengths and weaknesses. When you know yourself, you will know your boundaries as regards what to accept from people and where to draw the lines; you will know your personality traits; you will have a clearer understanding of your career path in your professional life; you will know how to interact with people; you will know your core values; you will have a clearer version of your life purpose; and you will be self-motivated. The list is literally endless.

In the journey of life, we engage in a lot of activities we are not supposed to be engaged in. For example, we study courses we are not wired or love to study, and this makes understanding difficult. Some of us apply for jobs we are not passionate about just to pay bills. Some of us even marry partners we don’t really like due to circumstances. Again, the list is endless. All these can lead to frustration and depression if not properly managed. If only we can take a deep breath and ask ourselves some deep thought-provoking questions on what we really want in life, and the reason we are doing what we are doing, the result will be different.

There are many ways to understand oneself. You can understand yourself by staying silent, reflecting about, and observing your life. These acts will help you to practice self-awareness which will ultimately help you to look inward and enable you to understand your feelings, emotions, and your personality. Self knowledge will enable you to know your values, interests, temperament, life mission, and activities to engage in.

As human beings, one thing we should constantly engage in is learning new things about ourselves on a daily basis. Knowing oneself takes time. However, due to desperation, most people don’t practice the art of stillness. When you take time to understand what’s involved in a particular work, it will be easy to solve it in a more efficient and effective manner. There is a story told of a philosopher, who fell into a ditch in front of him because he was too busy to see what was ahead of him.

Again, let’s take the case of Japan with about one hundred and twenty-five million people, which is one of the most industrialized countries on the planet, yet it maintains a level of calm despite the busy nature of the country.

The benefits of knowing oneself is priceless. It will make you confident which will ultimately eliminate self-doubt. It will help you build better and healthy health relationships by attracting the people you need and eliminating people you don’t need. You will be less stressed because you will focus on what’s important as opposed to irrelevant things which will keep your temperament and mindset in good shape.

Self discovery will help you to know your self-worth because no one will price you cheap when you know your value, and you will feel happier.

Furthermore, self knowledge will help you in decision making. When you know yourself, you will be able to make better choices about everything, from minor decisions to major decisions. Your temperament and personality type will be better managed as a leader or rational being.

Self control: When you know yourself, you will better manage yourself. If you can’t manage yourself, it will be hard to manage other people. When you know yourself, you understand what motivates you to resist bad habits and develop good ones. Knowing your strengths is one of the foundations of self confidence.

Resistance to social pressure. Self knowledge helps you to focus on what’s beneficial to you as opposed to other people. According to Bill Cosby, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone. When you are grounded in your values and preferences, you are less likely to say “yes” when you want to say “no.”

In conclusion, take time and reflect on this question, who am I? This is one of the most important questions you will answer in your entire life. When you answer this question, you have solved 50% of your life challenges. If you can’t answer this question, and need assistance, you can use the email below to reach out for assistance.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate and creative writer Design Your Destiny and Unleash Your Destiny.  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Dear Destiny friends,

We never know which lives we influence, or when, or why – Stephen King

As human beings, we are endowed with several powers; powers to make choices, take decisions, lead, love among others. The ones we allow are the ones that have control over us. These powers operate in several ways all in a bid to get humans to act in a certain way. However, one of the greatest human powers is the power to influence. When you can influence a human or animal, you will not only be revered and respected, but you will also be adored.

It should be noted that power and influence might sound relative, but they are different. Power is the ability to impose your will or make others act in the way you want based on your authority. Influence on the other hand is the ability to change how someone else behaves or thinks based on persuasion instead of authority. Influence refers to the ability to have a positive impact on others, to persuade or convince them to gain their support. The world needs people with positive influence. The power of influence is in dire need in life whether you are working as a student, politician, professional, parent, supervisor, coach, mentor, religious leader or even an employee, you have the power to influence people to act in certain ways. Influence can be negative or positive. When it is positive, it is for the common or public good, but when it is negative, it’s manipulative.

I have personally been influenced by the lives of great people who are not only wealthy, but extremely humble. I have also been inspired and influenced by intelligent people who are very humble. I have also been influenced by selfless people who share their time with the world even when it is not convenient for them to do so. Having said that, nothing humbles and influences me more than humility.

Influence works in several ways. You don’t really have to have political or institutional power to have influence. Influence is a currency if you know how to apply it. If you have a rich network, you have influence, if you have money, you have influence, if you are intelligent, you have influence, if you are handsome or beautiful, you have influence.

A typical example of how influence works is by examining the human body, all the parts of the human body are very important. No human part is less important than the other part of the body. Every single part of the human body needs the other parts to function well. If the anus no matter how little it is says you won’t be able to defecate, you will feel uncomfortable, if the little pinky or thumb finger says you can’t use them, it will be hard for you to hold any object comfortably.

The reason I shared this insight is to let you know how powerful you are to the extent you feel you are not relevant in the equation or scheme of things. To buttress this point once more, imagine during elections politicians are always looking for votes, especially in the swing areas to coast home to victory. In such a scenario, they will be glad to have any vote they can grab. So, do you see how powerful and influential you are? According to Richelle E. Goodrich, “All human beings wield influence – a powerful sword granted at birth. Wield your sword with care.”

In every sphere of life, we need influence to make things work. Whether in relationship, business, academic, family, school or church gatherings, the ability to influence people will be the game changer. This is because to influence someone, you must build a connection with that person.

To influence people, you need to listen to them and that entails using emotional intelligence which entails being able to understand what matters to them, their perspective, and using the insight to communicate with them.  According to Richelle Goodrich, “we are more likely to influence people if we are willing to minister with kindness and patience to their needs.

Below are three ways to influence people:

Persuasion

To influence people, you need to persuade them by using rational, logical arguments to explain your point. This entails showing them how beneficial the idea will be useful to them. Politicians and entrepreneurs are best advocates for this form of influence.

Collaboration

Another way to influence people is by collaborating with them. When you work with people, they feel comfortable to relate and share with you. Managers, supervisors, and associations use this medium of influence to achieve their goal, vision or purpose because they all commit to do a task together. As a leader when you collaborate with people, your subordinates see a committed leader who gives them more reason to commit on their own.

Inspiration

Do you know you can influence someone with the way you live your life? Most times, people are inspired by the works of other people more than their words. Great leaders, athletes, children, mentees, and progressive model people who have done great work in the society. According to David McKay, “Children are more influenced by sermons you act than by sermons you preach”.

In conclusion, do you want to be a man of influence? If yes, you can decide the legacy you want the world to reckon with you. According to Jack Robison, “A life isn’t significant except for its impact on other lives”.

The question you need to ask yourself is what impact are you making in society. When you decide the change what you want to see in the society, pick one cause or area of life you are passionate about which you would like to see a change in the society and be the change you want the world to see. To do that, I have shared some inspiring quotes to inspire you on this journey.

It is more important to influence people than to impress them.
– Adrian Rogers

If you try to influence everyone, you won’t influence anyone.
– Josh Steimle

A life without influence is a life without meaning.
– Josh Steimle

Family and impact come first, income and influence come second as a supporting role.
– Richie Norton

Nothing has a greater influence over your life than your thoughts whether they are negative or positive. – Tasha Hoggatt

The influential man is the successful man, whether he be rich or poor.
– Orison Swett Marden

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s a Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate and creative writer Design Your Destiny and Unleash Your Destiny.  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com