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Adding Value

Adding Value: Success and the Imperatives of Setting Boundaries by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friend,

The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything – Warren Buffet.

One of the qualities of great people that ever lived on planet earth is focus. Without focus it will be difficult to get any work done. This is because when you are focused, you will define what you really want and what you don’t want. To succeed in every profession or vocation; be it academic, relationship/marriage, business, politics etc. you need to define boundaries.

The question now becomes what is boundary and how do you define boundaries? According to Psychology Today, “boundaries are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behaviour towards us. The ability to know our boundaries generally comes from a healthy sense of self-worth or value for oneself in a way that is not contingent on other people or the feelings they have toward you.”

Boundaries help to define us, and states what we accept and what’s unacceptable. Boundaries can be likened to values. To understand how boundaries work, imagine a car without control; a man who has an uncontrollably anger problem; or a loose lady who has no respect for her body. Boundaries help you to protect yourself from distractions in life. As a result, every living creature needs a boundary. The simple reason we put boundary in our life is because you don’t want to accessible to just anyone.

Boundaries come in different shapes and sizes. As a rational mind, there are acceptable ways of communicating and engaging on social media. Civilized beings don’t use uncouth words. In a professional environment such as companies, organizations, institutions etc, boundaries are spelt out as a policy, rule and regulation.

When you decide to take a new route in life, it’s always good to inform those around you or your associates of your intentions, and expectations from them. They might be uncomfortable with the development, especially if it’s a radical and fundamental difference from the status quo. Those that care will respect you, while those who don’t literally value you, will show their true colour.

The advantages of creating boundaries are priceless. It gives you clarity and sanity of mind. It makes you understand what is important, and gives you a better understanding of who you are. It tells you about other people and most importantly, it defines you. Boundaries give you the ability to guard how you spend your time and resources. Setting a boundary gives you strength to say no, and to focus on what’s important. It is worthy of note as well that setting a boundary helps prevent obstacles.

It has a way of causing havoc, when boundaries are not properly set. For instance, without healthy boundaries, we can become resentful of the work we love; we can become resentful of those we love, especially if they don’t  value or appreciate our time or what matters to us. As rational human beings, boundaries mean different things to us. Whenever your value is trampled upon or you feel disrespected, you are bound to react.  According to an anonymous saying “Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.

When you set a boundary, communicate it to people in the best possible way whether formally or informally. Let them know your plans and intentions. For example, you let them know when you are available and when you won’t be available. You can decide to put your phone either on silent mode or better still, switch it off. Boundaries must have limits.

Boundaries help you to understand people. For example, if you don’t show people who you are and what your capacity is, they will put you through anything. Why? Because you have shown that you value nothing; nothing, not even yourself. Be advised, if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything and everything.

Naturally, human beings will test your boundaries. They will push you to the wall to see your reaction. The first way of attracting disrespect as a man or woman is when you don’t show boundaries. People will literally take you for granted.

A relationship is like building a house. When you build a house, you put gates and other security gadgets to protect you, your loved ones and what you value.  Relationship entails making a choice. Choice defines marriage. Your choice defines what you want, it determines what you admire in a person, what’s tolerable and intolerable and what makes you feel you are compatible with the person.

Boundaries play a role in marriage or any form of relationship. This is because your partner needs to know what you like? When people complain about their spouse, it is sometimes because their spouse is not aware of their concerns. Therefore, it’s imperative for you to communicate with your spouse. If you decide to keep quiet, how is your spouse supposed to know?

Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed as opposed to being endured. There’s a difference between endurance and tolerance. Endurance is accepting the things that cannot be changed, while tolerance is adjusting to things while hoping people will change.

If you don’t state your boundaries, it has a way of coming back at you. The reason many people get drained in life is because they are concerned about what other people will say. They wonder what will happen if they decline a request, they wonder how their friends and the world will perceive them.

In some instances, we want to look to our partners, colleagues at work, children or close allies, just because we don’t want to offend them. We fail to understand that, we might lose the relationship when the coin is flipped. We might even harm them in the long run in the process of trying to protect them. Isn’t it true you can spare the rod and spoil the child?

In some situations, we are afraid of the circumstances. For example, in a professional environment, where sexual advances are totally prohibited, a lady or a man might be afraid of setting clear boundaries to his/her boss because of the policy. Due to the retaliation which might follow suit, they might be tempted to allow their boundaries to lay low, especially when their job performance is low.

In conclusion, according to Robert Frost, “Good fences, make good neighbors.” Sacrificing ourselves therefore, for others, does more harm than good to the relationship. It is imperative to always show the green, yellow and red light where necessary. In that way, we save a lot of situations and dramas.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He’s a Human Capacity & mindset coach. He’s also a  public speaker. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the author of the acclaimed book Design Your Destiny – Actualizing Your Birthright To Success and President of gloemi.com. He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Everyone Needs a Surgical Room to Succeed by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

Every human being is endowed with natural fitness to perform optimally any given assignment,  or endeavour. These capacity fitness are, but not limited to mental, physical, social, academical, financial, spiritual, and emotional. When any of these great areas is lacking, an immediate vacuum which needs to be filled is created. To fill this vacuum therefore, one will need to perform a kind of surgical test to ascertain the source of the leak.

To put it into perspective, imagine a sick person with variety of symptoms, who can’t specifically say what the actual problem is; the best thing for them is to see a doctor, undergo some tests for proper diagnosis. The test will give an informed insight into what’s going on in the person’s body system.

This is simply how the surgical room of success works. All major work is done inside the room before healing takes place. As human beings, we all need to continually visit the surgical room to not only examine ourselves, but also, to develop ourselves. Yes, we need the surgical room to develop not only ourselves, but our craft.

In this surgical room, we don’t need a battalion, no, we just need the right people with the right vision, mindset and attitude. People who share similar values and goals. People we hold in high esteem. In this room, we don’t need much voice, but a lot of silent meditation to aid in fashioning our craft. A much more clearer scenario is the case of a web designer, who works at the backend to fix a website. When he is done, the work is made public.

The same principle is applicable when a blogger is working on an article. During the process of writing the article, he is alone with his thoughts reading, researching, writing and editing, and when he is done, the article will be published.

This is simply how life works; we all need silence to go through our phases. During this stage, we don’t need to be there for everyone, just the important people in our life who understand the surgical seasons, experience, and experience we are going through.

Above all, a critical area that all progressive humans need to pay great attention to is the health and mind. Both of them play a critical role in taking anyone to the next level of life.

Let’s look at the surgical room from another perspective; without good health on your side, there’s little anyone can do. Without a good functioning mind, there’s little anyone can do. And without God on your side, one is literally helpless. That’s why it’s very important for people to take a cursory look into their lives to see where they are missing the dots.

To effectively do this, one will have to go to the surgical room to critically examine his health, profession, psyche finance, social and emotional output among others to see if there’s a leak anywhere. One may be wondering why this is important; the surgical room is where major surgeries are performed.

In the surgical room, only experts are allowed because mistakes are not allowed, no matter how insignificant. Only people with eye for details, listening ear and most importantly supportive hands are allowed in the surgical room.

In the journey of life, we all need the surgical room to move to the next stage. For the surgical room to be successful, one would need to subject his own personal life to surgical operation, and this entails seeking a place of solace for self examination and reevaluation. In this surgical room, one needs to practice the art of silence and meditation to hear the inner still voice speaking to them.

One of the reasons most people find it difficult to get to the next level of success is because they are surrounded by many dissenting voices, which are living rent-free in their minds. This voice makes it hard for them to hear properly. It should be noted that in the journey of life, nobody knows you more than you know yourself, therefore, it’s important for one to be conscious of what to avail themselves to. This is because if one allows everyone to rent a space in their head, confusion will set as numerous voices will speak simultaneously and incoherently.

Imagine, if you are the owner of a house, it will be difficult for anybody to tell you what to do because they know you have been able to figure out what you want, and this is simply how life works.

Therefore, the surgical room for success is silence and concentration. You speak less,  and do more.

In one of my masterpieces, I shared the six pillars of success namely: family, health, finance, spirituality, vocation/career, and personal development. As human beings we must continually strive to attain these six pillars by reevaluating and reexamining our lives on a continuous basis, and to effectively do this, one needs to apply the surgical principle of silence.

Again, one might be wondering how the surgical room of silence works. Let’s imagine a case where God wants to talk to you, he won’t organise a conference call to talk to you, He will speak to you privately, and this can only be done where you are in his presence seeking him silently via meditating or either when one is praying and worshiping him, or one is listening to what he’s saying via meditation.

It’s worthy of note that in the surgical room of success, nobody will be there with you except the doctor and his team. Again, that’s simply how life works, you don’t need much crowd; you only need the right people. In some cases, you need to work alone because it’s better to have one trustworthy friend than one million fake friends.

In conclusion, for the surgical room of success to work efficiently and effectively, one needs to be silent for the operation because nobody, and I repeat, nobody will save you. One will have to purge himself of the toxic substances by way of detoxification to rejuvenate.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Start Small, and Grow Big by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

There’s no doubt that everyone wants to make it big in life though it takes quite a lot to achieve that no matter the field. However, some have become famous by starting small, some others made it big with little effort, some made it with recommendations, while some made it big by the work they did, which was greatly appreciated by the universe.

On a personal note, when I published my first book Design Your Destiny, I was literally unknown in any space, but because the book was so good, it got lots of reviews and recommendations from New York City Schools (High Schools and College), government institutions, communities and resource persons. I was even interviewed several times by television stations, appeared on the New York Times and got invitations from the United Nations; all because of one book.

Ordinarily, one would have to write couple of books before trending as a celebrity author, but here I am getting recognition as a first time author. It should be noted however, that before I wrote the book, I have been sharing inspiring articles focused on human capacity development, with the mission of inspiring the younger generation on my personal blog.

In the journey of life, everyone is encouraged to start small if the means of starting big is unavailable. Not everyone will have the capacity and competence to start big; one would have to learn the ropes. That’s why I have always counseled anyone,  who intends to make an impact in the society or the world in general. It’s always good to do what you can with what you have. Do not wait for the perfect time to strike because done is always better when best is not done.

Sometimes we want the dust to clear before we begin, but we fail to understand that the ship doesn’t wait for the storm to calm before it sails. Starting small entails learning the ropes of life that are applicable to one’s profession, vocation, academics, career, business, health or general existence.

It’s generally known that the journey of a thousand miles begins with one right step in the direct direction. So, to start small, one needs is to figure out what they really like, and have the courage to begin. The journey and process might not really be easy, but with the right amount of discipline, determination and consistency, a progressive mind will overcome the challenges.

In starting small, preparation is needed. When the needful is done, it’s only normal for the right opportunities that will make one big to manifest all things being equal.

Again, in starting small, failures, disappointments, setbacks, challenges and unforeseen events will definitely creep in, but one must not to give up because of the big picture. The imperfect nature of life explains why rooms must be created for mistakes, and subsequent corrections.

One of my mentors once told me, “done is better than perfect when perfect is not done”, meaning that it’s better to give your best no matter how bad it may appear to be. So don’t wait for the atmosphere to be set before you strike.

One of the advantages of failing first is that it will give you experience which can serve as a story in the near future. According to an author, Sonia Sotomayor, “success on its own is a reward, but failure is a great teacher too, and to be feared”.

As humans, it’s normal for one to always feel bad when they fail or make mistakes, but if we can think out of the box, there are many inspirations and lessons we can learn from the failures. Here is my moral advice: It’s good to fail fast.

According to Dr. Yomi Garnett, a Ghost Writer, “refuse to capitalize on your gains, anyone can do that. The important thing is to profit from your losses. That requires a certain degree of intelligence”. This statement corroborates with the statement of Sonia Sotomayor, which dwells on how failures can shape one if we learn from the lessons. So, Dr. Garnett is basically advising we gain more from our failures than our gains because not everyone can manage failure.

There have been scenarios where some people took their life because of the associated shame they will experience because of the stigma of their mistakes simply because they can’t deal with it. Let’s contrast the case with someone who has experienced success, the ecstasy will be over and beyond. Almost everyone can manage it unless people who allow success make them proud as opposed to being humble.

When we make it big, it’s only normal for friends and family to come around to celebrate success. The mistakes some friends and family make is to allow people who didn’t contribute to their success to take a greater chunk of their blessings more than the people who actually did the work. I’m not insinuating family and friends are bad, no. What I’m trying to say is that there should be balancing.

In my sojourn and experience of life, I have come to understand the importance of starting small, sometimes that’s the best thing to do because it will give a good background of the foundational theories and experience one needs when he gets to the top.

 I have always told my mentees that I didn’t get to where I am by being stupid. This means I am very intentional at the way I live my life, and that translates to my business. I didn’t become a prolific and creative writer overnight, I didn’t become an author of two books overnight, I didn’t become a great public speaker overnight, nor did I become a good communicator overnight. I started small and overtime I began to learn from experienced people whose books I read, listened to their speeches and associated with them at close range. All these enabled me to grow in my space. This is one of the benefits of starting small. It will prepare you for the big task.

In conclusion, in whatever one desires to do, please consider starting small by doing the needful. By doing so, one will not have to explain the foundation of their wealth, experience and lifestyle that made them big.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Be Like the Eagle by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

It is everybody’s desire to be successful in whatever field of endeavour he finds himself. It can be in career, family life, business endeavors or personal development. But there’s absolutely nothing good that comes easy. Everything in life involves a lot of hard work, smart work, dedication, discipline, network, sacrifice, prayers, and determination among a whole lot if one is intentional to succeed.

Of a truth, success is not for the faint-hearted. In all honesty, everyone wants to be ahead of everyone, especially contemporaries and funnily enough, the average human being sometimes have a bit of ill- feeling when competitors arise or seem to outsmart them either with better quality or price. The good thing about this however, is that it makes one sit up.

Now, this brings us to the essence of today’s article. For anyone to be ahead of their competitors, they must fly like the eagle. Eagles are known for their powerful build, sharp vision, and fearless nature. They are highflyers, capable of soaring to great heights, and gliding for extended periods. Eagles are also known for their tenacity, using storms to their advantage to gain altitude. Other notable characteristics include their strong talons and beaks, used for hunting, and their protective nature towards their young.  These are some of the qualities that make it unique.

The eagle is not regarded as the king of the sky for fun, no. The eagle flies so high because that’s where it gets a chunk of its strength. This ability enables the eagle to take its prey and predators alike to it’s abode where it will have enough emotional and physical strength to dismantle them.

I will be sharing characteristics of an eagle to enable us know why we ought to be like the eagle if we want to soar.

VISION

The eagle has a sharp vision. Their vision is so precise. They can see farther than any animal.  They possess exceptional eyesight, allowing them to spot prey from great distances. As human beings, we must have eagle eyes to know what we really want, and what we don’t want. Vision allows us to go for what we desire and deserve. When we have vision, we won’t wait for anyone to tell us when to strike. We flow through the wind despite the waves and heavy current and associated challenges. When our vision is precise, it will give people clarity to understand how they can assist us.

Let’s take a closer look at great leaders of this world who have come and gone. There are many great leaders that came and went but one characteristic that is common in all is “Vision”.

Vision is a successful leadership characteristic

You must have a vision that guides and leads your team towards the organizations or societal goals. The vision must be big and focused. A big, focused vision will produce big results

FLIGHT

Eagles are known for their ability to soar and glide, using their large wings to their advantage. Eagles can fly up to an altitude of 10,000 feet, but they are able to swiftly land on the ground. At 10, 000 feet, you will never find another bird. If you find another bird, it must be an eagle.

An eagle doesn’t mingle around with the pigeons. It was Dr. Myles Munroe who said that. Pigeons scavenge on the ground and grumble and complain all day long. Eagles are not. They fly and make less noise waiting for opportunities to strike their next prey or glide with the current of the storm.
Great leaders are problem solvers. They don’t complain like the pigeons do. They love to take challenges as the eagle does when the storm comes.  As human beings, we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

It’s always good for one to take any fight to their home ground where it will give them advantage over their predators. For instance, a fish is stronger in water, but weak on land, a lion is stronger on land, but weak in water, a monkey is strong on trees but weak on air. Just like an eagle is strong on air and weak on water and land. That’s why it always takes its prey to the sky where they have greater advantage to shine.

As human beings, we also must know what we are naturally good at, the ability to know this will enable us to maximize our strength and work on our weakness. We can only do this when we know ourselves and what we are naturally good at. Our ability to focus on our expertise and what we are naturally good at will make us unique and ahead of our contemporaries.

TENACITY

The eagles are known for their ability to withstand storms and use them to their advantage, rising above the challenges.  Watch an eagle when a storm comes. When other birds fly away from the storm with fear, an eagle spreads its mighty wings and uses the current to soar to greater heights. The eagle takes advantage of the very storm that lesser birds fear and head for cover.
Challenges in the life of a leader are many. These are the storms we must face as leaders to rise to greater heights. Like an eagle, a leader can only rise to greater heights if he takes up the challenges head on without running away from it. This is yet another leadership characteristic.

As humans, we all will experience challenges and setbacks, however, the ability to apply strength will go a long way to show how determined we are to overcome the hurdles that pose as challenges.

FEARLESS

An eagle will never surrender to the size or strength of its prey. It will always give a fight to win its prey or regain its territory.
Successful leaders are fearless, so we are expected to fear no man, but respect all men. They face problems head on. We are supposed to have the eagle fearless mindset regardless of how big the problem may appear. Confront your fear and rise or face your fear and run. The choice is yours.

VITALITY NATURE

One of the strongest characteristics of an eagle is their vitality. Eagles are full of life and are visionary, but they find time to look back at their life and re-energize themselves. This happens at about the age of 30. What happens is that when the eagles reach the age of 30, their physical body condition deteriorates fast making it difficult for them to survive.

What is interesting is that the eagle never gives up living, instead it retreats to a mountaintop and over a five-month period goes through a metamorphosis. As humans, we are expected to reexamine ourselves, retreat to a safe zone. We can do this by fasting as Christians, we can also do this by learning new skills, volunteering our time and seeking for mentors who can hold us by the hand to show us how the appearance of life is not the reality of life.

In conclusion, as human beings, we are encouraged to be like an eagle if we want to scale through life.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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