Dear Destiny Friends,

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom” – Socrates

Please permit me to begin this article by asking a simple question. Who are you? By this, I mean what you stand for or represent and not what the world thinks of you. It is instructive to note that what the world thinks of you is your reputation, but your character is who you really are.

If an employer wants to know more about a prospective employee, they can ask an open-ended question such as how would you describe yourself in one sentence? What are your strengths and weaknesses? Have you ever experienced a challenge or problem at work? If yes, how did you handle it? All these questions are structured to inquire more about the personality of the employee.

One of the best things anyone can do in life is not only to understand who they are, but also understand what they represent. It will be hard to know what you represent if you don’t understand who you are. If you don’t understand yourself, it will be difficult to understand other people.

According to Forbes, only 15% of the world are self-aware. One begins to wonder, what about the remaining 85%. As a transformational Human Capacity Coach, my company is focused on helping people unleash their potential. To do this, we use our self-discovery and mindset training manual to know more about them by giving them a set of self awareness questions which they are required to answer to the best of their knowledge. It is rather unfortunate that a lot of people don’t know themselves. They just exist as opposed to living.

Self-discovery is truly lacking in our society. When you truly know yourself, you will know your strengths and weaknesses. When you know yourself, you will know your boundaries as regards what to accept from people and where to draw the lines; you will know your personality traits; you will have a clearer understanding of your career path in your professional life; you will know how to interact with people; you will know your core values; you will have a clearer version of your life purpose; and you will be self-motivated. The list is literally endless.

In the journey of life, we engage in a lot of activities we are not supposed to be engaged in. For example, we study courses we are not wired or love to study, and this makes understanding difficult. Some of us apply for jobs we are not passionate about just to pay bills. Some of us even marry partners we don’t really like due to circumstances. Again, the list is endless. All these can lead to frustration and depression if not properly managed. If only we can take a deep breath and ask ourselves some deep thought-provoking questions on what we really want in life, and the reason we are doing what we are doing, the result will be different.

There are many ways to understand oneself. You can understand yourself by staying silent, reflecting about, and observing your life. These acts will help you to practice self-awareness which will ultimately help you to look inward and enable you to understand your feelings, emotions, and your personality. Self knowledge will enable you to know your values, interests, temperament, life mission, and activities to engage in.

As human beings, one thing we should constantly engage in is learning new things about ourselves on a daily basis. Knowing oneself takes time. However, due to desperation, most people don’t practice the art of stillness. When you take time to understand what’s involved in a particular work, it will be easy to solve it in a more efficient and effective manner. There is a story told of a philosopher, who fell into a ditch in front of him because he was too busy to see what was ahead of him.

Again, let’s take the case of Japan with about one hundred and twenty-five million people, which is one of the most industrialized countries on the planet, yet it maintains a level of calm despite the busy nature of the country.

The benefits of knowing oneself is priceless. It will make you confident which will ultimately eliminate self-doubt. It will help you build better and healthy health relationships by attracting the people you need and eliminating people you don’t need. You will be less stressed because you will focus on what’s important as opposed to irrelevant things which will keep your temperament and mindset in good shape.

Self discovery will help you to know your self-worth because no one will price you cheap when you know your value, and you will feel happier.

Furthermore, self knowledge will help you in decision making. When you know yourself, you will be able to make better choices about everything, from minor decisions to major decisions. Your temperament and personality type will be better managed as a leader or rational being.

Self control: When you know yourself, you will better manage yourself. If you can’t manage yourself, it will be hard to manage other people. When you know yourself, you understand what motivates you to resist bad habits and develop good ones. Knowing your strengths is one of the foundations of self confidence.

Resistance to social pressure. Self knowledge helps you to focus on what’s beneficial to you as opposed to other people. According to Bill Cosby, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone. When you are grounded in your values and preferences, you are less likely to say “yes” when you want to say “no.”

In conclusion, take time and reflect on this question, who am I? This is one of the most important questions you will answer in your entire life. When you answer this question, you have solved 50% of your life challenges. If you can’t answer this question, and need assistance, you can use the email below to reach out for assistance.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate and creative writer Design Your Destiny and Unleash Your Destiny.  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Dear Destiny friends,

We never know which lives we influence, or when, or why – Stephen King

As human beings, we are endowed with several powers; powers to make choices, take decisions, lead, love among others. The ones we allow are the ones that have control over us. These powers operate in several ways all in a bid to get humans to act in a certain way. However, one of the greatest human powers is the power to influence. When you can influence a human or animal, you will not only be revered and respected, but you will also be adored.

It should be noted that power and influence might sound relative, but they are different. Power is the ability to impose your will or make others act in the way you want based on your authority. Influence on the other hand is the ability to change how someone else behaves or thinks based on persuasion instead of authority. Influence refers to the ability to have a positive impact on others, to persuade or convince them to gain their support. The world needs people with positive influence. The power of influence is in dire need in life whether you are working as a student, politician, professional, parent, supervisor, coach, mentor, religious leader or even an employee, you have the power to influence people to act in certain ways. Influence can be negative or positive. When it is positive, it is for the common or public good, but when it is negative, it’s manipulative.

I have personally been influenced by the lives of great people who are not only wealthy, but extremely humble. I have also been inspired and influenced by intelligent people who are very humble. I have also been influenced by selfless people who share their time with the world even when it is not convenient for them to do so. Having said that, nothing humbles and influences me more than humility.

Influence works in several ways. You don’t really have to have political or institutional power to have influence. Influence is a currency if you know how to apply it. If you have a rich network, you have influence, if you have money, you have influence, if you are intelligent, you have influence, if you are handsome or beautiful, you have influence.

A typical example of how influence works is by examining the human body, all the parts of the human body are very important. No human part is less important than the other part of the body. Every single part of the human body needs the other parts to function well. If the anus no matter how little it is says you won’t be able to defecate, you will feel uncomfortable, if the little pinky or thumb finger says you can’t use them, it will be hard for you to hold any object comfortably.

The reason I shared this insight is to let you know how powerful you are to the extent you feel you are not relevant in the equation or scheme of things. To buttress this point once more, imagine during elections politicians are always looking for votes, especially in the swing areas to coast home to victory. In such a scenario, they will be glad to have any vote they can grab. So, do you see how powerful and influential you are? According to Richelle E. Goodrich, “All human beings wield influence – a powerful sword granted at birth. Wield your sword with care.”

In every sphere of life, we need influence to make things work. Whether in relationship, business, academic, family, school or church gatherings, the ability to influence people will be the game changer. This is because to influence someone, you must build a connection with that person.

To influence people, you need to listen to them and that entails using emotional intelligence which entails being able to understand what matters to them, their perspective, and using the insight to communicate with them.  According to Richelle Goodrich, “we are more likely to influence people if we are willing to minister with kindness and patience to their needs.

Below are three ways to influence people:

Persuasion

To influence people, you need to persuade them by using rational, logical arguments to explain your point. This entails showing them how beneficial the idea will be useful to them. Politicians and entrepreneurs are best advocates for this form of influence.

Collaboration

Another way to influence people is by collaborating with them. When you work with people, they feel comfortable to relate and share with you. Managers, supervisors, and associations use this medium of influence to achieve their goal, vision or purpose because they all commit to do a task together. As a leader when you collaborate with people, your subordinates see a committed leader who gives them more reason to commit on their own.

Inspiration

Do you know you can influence someone with the way you live your life? Most times, people are inspired by the works of other people more than their words. Great leaders, athletes, children, mentees, and progressive model people who have done great work in the society. According to David McKay, “Children are more influenced by sermons you act than by sermons you preach”.

In conclusion, do you want to be a man of influence? If yes, you can decide the legacy you want the world to reckon with you. According to Jack Robison, “A life isn’t significant except for its impact on other lives”.

The question you need to ask yourself is what impact are you making in society. When you decide the change what you want to see in the society, pick one cause or area of life you are passionate about which you would like to see a change in the society and be the change you want the world to see. To do that, I have shared some inspiring quotes to inspire you on this journey.

It is more important to influence people than to impress them.
– Adrian Rogers

If you try to influence everyone, you won’t influence anyone.
– Josh Steimle

A life without influence is a life without meaning.
– Josh Steimle

Family and impact come first, income and influence come second as a supporting role.
– Richie Norton

Nothing has a greater influence over your life than your thoughts whether they are negative or positive. – Tasha Hoggatt

The influential man is the successful man, whether he be rich or poor.
– Orison Swett Marden

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s a Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate and creative writer Design Your Destiny and Unleash Your Destiny.  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Dear destiny friends,

Growing up, I had this feeling that I will be a great person in the society. I nursed the thoughts of being a lawyer, Governor, President, or an influential person in the society.  The feeling was so strong that I didn’t really know when it will happen, how it will happen and where it will happen.  I just knew it will happen, God willing. Ordinarily, it appear difficult to accomplish considering at my background and trajectory, but one thing was certain, I had a strong belief system. I’m not usually deterred by negative voices and factors that posed as challenges to me. I just had the belief that by the special grace of God, everything will work out well.

Norman Vincent Pearle in his book, “The Power of Positive Thinking”, advised us to always think positive. He believed that the height great people were able to attain was because of their belief factors. They were not concerned about the challenges that posed as obstacles, rather, they were concerned with their vision. The belief factor is very important if you want to succeed. The belief factor works with the mindset. How you programme your mind determines how you interpret the signals of opportunities and challenges that come your way. Isn’t it true that success and failure starts from the mind?

Beliefs work in different ways. There are several kinds of beliefs that affect human beings and systems. There are religious beliefs, societal beliefs, organizational beliefs, human beliefs etc.  All these beliefs determine a person or organization’s functions. Once the belief changes, the entire system or human being changes.

The belief factor works with the mindset. You attract what you believe. It’s what you believe that will happen to you. For instance, if someone is sick and he or she meets a doctor for treatment. It’s not really the pill or treatment that the patient gets that makes the person feel better, it is the faith the patient has in the pill or treatment. As a matter of fact, the patient already believed that the doctor could heal him/her and that’s why he or she went to the clinic or doctor for treatment.  It is the faith or belief that if the doctor gives him/her a pill or treatment, he or she will get better.

There was a story of a sick old woman whose son happened to be a medical doctor. The son gave her a pill, but she refused to take it. Rather, she requested an injection, but the son tried to persuade her to take the pill for her to feel better. All efforts to convince her fell on deaf ears. At a time, the son discovered that his mother’s health was deteriorating, and so decided to put water into a syringe and inject his mother. Guess what? Within two hours the woman’s health improved.

The point here is that the woman already believed it is the injection that will make her feel better. That’s how powerful the mind and belief are. The same story is applicable to everyone. You may be struggling as a student, entrepreneur, politician, or career professional to make an impact, I have good news for you. If only you can believe and have faith, everything will align with you.

This is a practical way the belief factor works. As a leader, to effect a change, your followers must believe in you. If you want to make a great impact either in yourself, business, organization or community, you must be able to work on the mindset of the people.

The belief factor works in alignment with your faith. As mentioned earlier, it is what you believe in that will work for you. If you believe in working for fun or passion, it will work for you. If you believe in luck it works for you. In our contemporary society, it is said that passion doesn’t pay pills. I beg to disagree, your passion can pay the bills if you market your passion to the right audience.

It’s instructive to note that no genuine success was attained without an element of passion. In the same way, no great person became great without being passionate about a cause. So, if you are a singer, creative writer, painter, public speaker, you can still be celebrated if you reach out to the right people. Some scholars have opined that when it comes to career, you have to do what you have to do to make a living, and that entails accepting a job you don’t like just to pay your bills or feed your family. I agree, but while working on the job, spend time developing your craft, which can be your passion, and gradually develop it so that you can retire from your job to it some day.

In conclusion, take time to evaluate what you believe in, and who you believe in, because it is your belief and mindset that will shape your life.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s a Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate and creative writer Design Your Destiny and Unleash Your Destiny.  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com