By Kayode Emola
Life, they say, is fleeting and one thing that is certain for every mortal is death: a debt that is owed by us all, and that all of us will surely one day pay. The only thing is that no one knows when he or she will pay this ultimate price. However, once this price has been paid, it is not those who have died who are burdened with the cares of this world any longer, rather it is those left behind who must bear this grief.
Many of us have faced grief in our lives at one time or another, and people deal with it in different ways. We face the grief of losing that dream job, house, car, or even loved ones. For some people, the road to recovery can be very difficult and painful, and so this underscores the importance of our need to always reach out in love and support to one another.
When my editor called me last week to tell me that he had lost his mother, I could immediately relate to the pain that he was going through. I personally experienced the loss of my mum at a very young age. Throughout my life I have experienced grief in a variety of situations, however, none can be compared to that which I felt when I lost my mum to the cold hands of death in December 2003. It is never an easy thing to lose a loved one, and the loss of a parent is the hardest grief of all to deal with.
The difficulties associated with coping with grief is not to be underestimated, so I will share a few tips that did help me deal with this grief at the time. The first therapy for dealing with grief is the amount of information at our disposal to fight this pain. For many, it is not the grief itself that overwhelms them but the after-effect of the grief.
When my mum passed away, my first pillar of support was my dad and what he told me was very remarkable. My dad was around 65 years or more when he lost his own mother, yet he narrated the grief he went through. He told me that it doesn’t matter how many years you live with your mother when she passes on, you will continue to feel the pain until you die. His words struck me, as I thought for him having lived to a much older age enjoying so many wonderful moments with his mum. I thought this would have made him more grateful to spend so many years with her. Yet, it seems, the more time we have spent with our loved ones resonates a deeper sense of grief.
The next pillar of support I received was from friends and family at the time. A lot of people were at our house during that period to offer support in one way or another, ensuring that we were doing well. Their warm words although I cannot recollect all, were very helpful in remembering that death is an inevitable price we all have to pay. My family was very supportive, my uncles, aunts, and other relatives from far and wide helped in every way they can to see that my mum was given a befitting burial and to help us deal with the grief.
However, I must not fail to mention the greatest pillar of support that I received which was from the church. Note that as a young man, I couldn’t phantom why I should lose my mum at that very young age. She was full of life and had many years ahead of her, so it was very difficult to wrap my head around the fact that she is no longer with us. No soothing words could help me deal with this grief until the youth leader read the letter of Paul in First Thessalonians 4 v 13 to me. Paul had encouraged the Thessalonians not to sorrow concerning those who are asleep like people without hope. It is this verse that settled it for me knowing that there is the hope of one day reuniting with my beloved mother.
I know that for some people, a single verse may not bring about the healing that they require and it may take a lot more effort to heal the wounds of losing a loved one. In whatever we go through, from pain to deep anguish, let us remember that there are always people around us we can lean on for support.
Let us not hold back within ourselves and suffer in silence when there are enumerable resources in the world today to deal with whatever grief we face. We should remember that whatever we are going through right now is not new and that others may have even gone through the worst or similar situation. My hope and prayer are that no matter what life may throw at us, we would get all the required support we need to deal with the challenges and come out stronger rather than a broken person.
