Dear Destiny Friends,

Everyone experiences life in different ways. There’s absolutely nobody on planet earth who hasn’t encountered situations or circumstances that shaped them or gave them different perceptions of life. No matter how we try, we can’t run away from problems. A friend once jokingly said, problems are like women; they are the “necessary evil” you can’t avoid, especially when they have an interest in you.

We all experience life in our families, relationships, academics, spiritual life, careers, health, and even personal life. But what makes the ultimate difference is how we’ll react to it.

Let me explain a little bit using a case study of family, health, career, academic, spiritual, and personal aspects.

Family

It’s instructive to note that what makes a family is secret, so imagine a case where the secret of a family is divulged. There’s bound to be problems that will arise. Another scenario is when a family experiences the death of a loved one. I think that’s one of the most painful experiences one can ever experience because losing a loved one is no joke. The death of a family member can shatter a family if not properly managed.

Imagine a case where the head of the family, say a father, passes to glory and his wife is not financially stable to manage the family. The children will experience challenges that will shape their future. The question we need to ask ourselves is, how do we manage death when it happens?

Health

Another scenario that can shape us is our health. Health is so important that without it, one will not be able to function properly. There have been life-threatening health cases that lead to the untimely death of a sick patient. The question we need to ask ourselves is: how do we respond to these health challenges when it comes to us?

Career

Do you know your career can serve as an encounter which can shape you? Yes, an encounter is like an experience which can make one not remain the same. Do you also know that your career can make or mar you? Yes, while one’s career can serve as an instrument to one’s success, it can also lead to the demise of someone, especially if it’s not a purposeful career befitting the person.

Academic

Some schools of thought say that examination is not the true test of knowledge. There have been situations where one’s academic background can metamorphose them in the right direction, especially when one is intentional and purposeful in their chosen academic pursuit, and there have been scenarios when someone ventured into academic pursuits that are not suitable for them.

I was once a victim of this ugly experience when I ventured into Taxation Law at New York Law School. Despite earning a scholarship in the program, I knew for a fact, assuming I got a job, it won’t be fulfilling because I will be a victim of defective success.

Spiritual

One of the most defining moments of one’s life can be seen in their spiritual life. It’s sad to see most people playing with their spiritual life. They fail to realize that spirituality controls the physical. When we talk of spirituality, there are two types. Those for God and those for gods. It’s always good for one to align to one side, but as a matter of advice, it’s always good for one to stay on the side of God.

There are many situations that would have ended one’s life, but due to one’s neglect of one’s spiritual life, the life can be cut short. Question: How do you respond to spiritual things when spiritual forces push you around?

Personal

Last but not least is our personal life. How we respond to life challenges in our academic, health, finance, relationship, career, or even spiritual life can determine how far we go in life. Remember, it’s instructive to note that it is our attitude and not aptitude that will determine our altitude to life.

The big question we need to ask ourselves now is: how do we respond to these challenging circumstances or issues? The answer is attitude. You’ll agree with me, you may not always be able to choose your circumstances, but you can choose to respond to them.

There was a touching story about a man who was unjustly and wrongfully convicted for murder, and he spent many years in prison awaiting trial, another fifteen years for final judgment to be delivered, and yet another ten years on death row. In all this travail, he managed to keep his sanity.

Finally, on the day he was to be executed, fresh evidence indicating his innocence prompted the governor to order his immediate release. At the prison gates he sad “ all a man can be taken from him, except the last form of the human freedoms, -the power to choose one’s attitude in all circumstances”.

Do you see, life is not really about what happens to us, but how we react. That’s what will make the difference.

In conclusion, regardless of how life challenges, circumstances, and situations push you around, just have a good attitude and outlook to life. Don’t allow it to weigh you down.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Dear Destiny Friends,

Complaining is part of human nature. We complain about our health, school, family, friends, work, finances, government, and life in general. Human beings literally complain about everything and anything.

Over time, I have come to discover something about life: complaining doesn’t solve a problem; it adds to it. According to the Book of Life, why worry when you can pray? The moral of this statement is that instead of worrying, why not look for solutions? When you worry, it only accumulates the problems, but when you explore avenues to solve a problem, you’re literally praying.

Complaining is like having a problem and apportioning blame to another person instead of fixing it. One of the hallmarks of great minds is the ability to solve problems, while little minds complain.

In the world of visionary leaders, they don’t complain; rather, they see complaints as challenges of life, while lesser minds see complaints as problems of life. Again, while great leaders see problems as a gateway to make money and succeed by proffering solutions, little minds see problems as obstacles limiting their growth to succeed. Same action but different results and consequences.

As human beings, we tend to focus on what we don’t have instead of focusing on what we have. It’s only when we appreciate what we have that we give room for opportunities and favors to come to us. It’s unfortunate some of fucus on what we are going through instead of what we are becoming.

It’s instructive to note that complaints don’t lead us anywhere, rather it hinders our progress. Nobody likes complainers; complainers are usually seen as energy suckers because all they do is take without giving. Instead of complaining, why not practice gratitude? Gratitude helps to draw and attract opportunities.

In the world of human relations, the ability to manage people is an uncommon skill. One must learn to nurture relationships.  Human beings can be difficult to manage. While some exhibit meekness, gratitude, cheerfulness, and loyalty, some exhibit bitterness, frustration, depression, sadness, and sorrow. What most people don’t know is that we have the ability to change how we manage our lives and how we react to what life throws at us through our attitude.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not insinuating that complaining is wrong; rather, I’m insinuating it’s not healthy for our mental health. The only time we can complain about something is when we are proffering a solution; by so doing, we have highlighted the problems and proffered the solution.

 Complaints make us blind to see the good in others. As a word of advice, if you focus exclusively on the shortcomings of the people with whom you have to relate and forget that they have a good point, it will be difficult to see the good in them.

According to Yomi Garnett, focus on the good side of people and be intentional in learning about their mindset and inquire what made them who they are. Also, focusing on the good side of people despite their bad or weak side makes them feel valuable as human beings, and by so doing, we show our empathic personality.

In conclusion, resolve today to stop complaining and start appreciating the challenges of life with gratitude.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Dear Destiny Friends,

The school of life is an institution no one can graduate from. It is equated to marriage where new things as well as surprises are the order of the day, occurring on a daily basis. However, there are ways to live through life, and one of them is to accept each day as they come.

Life is truly great and enjoyable if we understand it and accept this truth. There’s no doubt that life is such a great challenge, and we must work hard and smart to overcome the challenge. Once we acknowledge it, nothing really matters any longer because life becomes an infinitely easier project to pursue.

As human beings, we will be tested and tempted. One’s ability to overcome each test and temptation will set one on a higher pedestal. The book of life made us understand there’s time for everything. A time to cry, and a time to laugh, a time to sow and a time to reap,  According to the Book of life “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.”

One thing is certain if one looks at the timing- they all come in stages and phases. When there’s misplaced priority, success appears like mirage. One’s ability to manage each phase will strengthen one.

Life comes in several stages. When a child is born, the child will learn to crawl before learning how to walk and run. The same is applicable for a student who is interested in education, he will attend high school, college and post graduate studies. These are all stages of life.

The same phase is applicable in relationships and marriage. During the dating and courting stage, the relationship is different, immediately the parties marry, the tone changes. Marriage has three stages namely: Romance (or Honeymoon) stage, Power Struggle (or Disillusionment) stage, and Real Love (or Mature/Conscious Love) stage.

Let’s analyze each stage:

Romance/Honeymoon: (The “Falling in Love” Phase)

This stage is characterized by high intensity, passion, and bonding. At this stage, partners focus on similarities and overlook flaws. At this stage a partner might step on the other partner and instead of getting hurt, the partner will smile and say something like: I love the way you stepped on me, or step on me harder, it makes me endure the love. At this stage partners do everything together.  This stage usually lasts from a few weeks to a couple of years.

The first three to five years of marriage can generally be regarded as the most challenging part of marriage, especially the kids start coming in; if it’s not properly managed, the marriage might hit the rock.

 Power Struggle/Disillusionment (The “Reckoning” Phase)

During this stage, the “rose-colored glasses” usually come off, and partners notice flaws and differences, leading to “disillusionment, disappointment, and early conflicts”. It is at this stage kids start coming up and the challenge of life starts hitting up. The stage is often characterized by struggles with control, communication, and frustration over unmet expectations. Many couples usually get stuck here, if proper is not applied, it might end the relationship.

Stage 3: Real Love/Mature Love (The “Conscious” Phase)

At this stage, the couples have seen it all. They have been through all stages of life and have seen it all. There’s literally little or nothing that can affect marriage at this stage. It’s only unimaginable and unbecoming acts that lead to the fundamental tenets of marriage that can make the marriage hit the rock.

At this stage couples have trained their children through colleges, and some may have married. Couples will be able to laugh over their acts and start to bond again.

At this stage, couples have been able to navigate their conflict and have learnt to accept their partner’s flaws and choose to build a stable, loving, and mature relationship. Their focus is usually to build a deeper commitment to their marital vows, finally accepting each partner for whom they are, and working together to create a conscious and intentional partnership.

The outcome is usually a sense of safety, connection and lasting love: A sense of safety, deep connection, and lasting love.

In business, the principle is not exempted. An entrepreneur will begin a business, grow it, attract customers, hire employees and then institutionalize it. All these stages come with several phases if one is intentional.

An employee who is hired as an entry level position will have to prove his worth by producing measurable results to walk through the corporate ladder to become Chief Executive Officer, Chief Operating Officer, Chief Financial Officer or one of the higher ups. This position doesn’t come ordinarily; one must have earned it.

In conclusion, regardless of what stage one is experiencing or facing, one thing is certain, this too shall pass, and we shall overcome. So, just hang in there.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com