Dear Destiny Friends,

To some people, giving is a lifestyle while to some others, it is a burden. However, it should be noted that it is not only the person that has enough that gives, rather the person with a heart of giving.

Overtime, I have discovered that giving means different things to different people. While some people genuinely give to show concern, some people give to show appreciation and gratitude for favors received. A lot more others give for economic reasons like in the United States of America, where charitable giving can be considered for tax deduction. So, some people give to write off debts for taxable purposes. Maybe, they wouldn’t give if the tax code didn’t make that provision. Who knows? Some people even give because it is spiritually advised so that they can receive from the creator (God).

If you are asked why you give or what’s the reason behind your giving, what will be your answer? Personally, I love to give because giving makes me happy. This is how I see giving. Whenever I see anyone who is going through a lot, I feel much better when I assist them in alleviating or solving their problem. One of my favorite lines in the Bible is Matthew 11:28 which says, “Come to me all you that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”. What the passage means is that God is our greatest succor whenever we are stressed. He advises us to bring our burden to him, and he will make us feel good.

Unfortunately however, we live in a society that loves to receive as opposed to giving. Many people derive joy in seeking assistance whether it relates to money, resources, or knowledge, but very few people selflessly bring their time to give and share their time and resources. One of my mentors once said, the givers hand is always on top while the receiver’s hand is always below. So, the question one needs to ask himself is, where do you want to belong?

One of the best things that can happen to anyone is to have a heart that gives. I recently read a book titled “Making it Big” by Dr. Femi Otedola, a global philanthropist. In his book, he stated that he got to a stage in life where he had to ask himself what makes him happy? He reflected deeply on that question and pondered on it for a while only for him to discover that giving is one of the greatest things that makes him happy. He went further to list all his philanthropic works which have endeared him to the hearts of people.

Dr. Femi Otedola, despite being a shrewd businessman has a large heart when it comes to giving. I have personally discovered that when one gives genuinely without any sentiments or emotions, it has a way of coming back to them in a hundred fold.

When one gives with love, God, in His infinite mercy might not give you back money, he might decide to give you good health, good children, good employees, mentors, opportunities etc. But ignorant minds won’t understand that these are what truly matter.

Uninformed minds would like to receive financial rewards, but they fail to understand that if you are given money, one might use that same money to treat oneself in the hospital or buy luxurious vehicles that might crash leading to their death. They can even use the money to build houses, factories, companies, etc. which can be consumed by fire. Do you see how God blesses one?

Having written about the importance of receiving, the big question we now must ask ourselves is how do we receive? To receive or attract favour, one must either give, solve problems or add value. These three principles are the factors responsible for changing the fortunes of any progressive mind.

Let’s take them one after another:

Giving

I call the act of giving, a womb opener. When you give, the style, manner and mindset of giving can be the game changer of your life. I can’t explain how giving has opened doors for me. Giving is one of the secrets that endeared me to a lot of resourceful minds. When I talk of giving in this context, I’m referring to both financially and resourceful. I give to my mentors, friends, mentees, family, relatives, strangers, God etc., and trust me the rewards have been fulfilling.

Over time, I have had conversations with people who feel giving to mentors is a waste of money because they are already rich and wealthy. I have a different mindset to that thought pattern. Your mentors or benefactors are always on the givers side, and it’s okay for one to think they don’t have any problem, but the truth is that they might have more problems than me and you, but they tend to manage or keep it close to their heart.  Trust me, great men have deeper needs, so when someone gives them money or gift, it hits them differently. But more importantly, it separates you from the rank and file of people who might be classified as beggars.

It is generally stated that givers never lack, but I stand to disagree slightly, givers do lack when they don’t give with wisdom. Some people just give indiscriminately when they hear pitiable stories. While all these things are capable of making someone give, one has to be mindful of being moved with emotions and sentiments because when problems come, it won’t come with emotions and sentiments. As a matter of fact, when people see you can be swayed by emotion they can manipulate and play with your brain just to squeeze some money from you. Here is what I will advise, have a charitable benchmark for giving. I say this because when you don’t plan for your money, other folks will plan it for you.

Solve Problems

This right here is one of the best ways if not the best way to receive money. Nobody just gives their hard-earned money for fun because they like just like you without attaching the money for a cause. If you don’t have money, the reason is often because you are not solving a problem, or you are not solving enough problems, or you are not solving the right problem or you are not solving problems for the right people.

There’s so much money everywhere. Money surrounds us in the form of problems. It’s up to you to look at your community, company, institution etc. and ask, what can I do to fix these problems or challenges? When you proffer a solution with a better quality, money will come to your pocket. As one of my mentors will say, when the man with money meets the man with experience, the man with money will lose his experience to gain money and the man with experience will part with his experience to gain money.

Here is my advice: instead of begging people for money, ask them what can you do for them?

Add Value

The final but not the least is value. It’s instructive to note that the more you learn, the more you earn.  Just like, network, access, education, money, relationship, are regarded as currencies.  Value is the new currency. In fact, value is the center of all currency because they have something which people need. If you don’t have value, you won’t be respected or valued.  Most times people just think they are nobody, maybe because they think they are poor, or not from a rich family. No, we are all relevant. It’s due to an inferiority complex that will make one to believe they are nobody. Everyone has a value. Provided you are a human being, there is something you can do.

Just like the poor man needs the rich man, the rich man also needs the poor man. Just like the USA doesn’t have all the resources despite being the most powerful nation on the planet, they also have needs, for instance they need some resources from other countries to supplement their needs.

In summary, if you want to receive, ask yourself, what am I giving?

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Dear Destiny Friends,

Last week, I began an exposition on the above topic, only to discover that I have so much to share, and that prompted the decision to spread it into two parts. In part one, I simply laid the foundation and overview of how the secret place works.

In my home country, Nigeria, we have an adage in my native Igbo language that when the road is good, an individual goes through it again. What this really means is that when an article or food is good, it is normal for one to ask for more.

When I had the inspiration to write about the secret place, many thoughts flooded my mind, so I decided to write about different aspects of secret which are relatable. There is no doubt everyone has a secret, and this is responsible for the mystery or aura that makes other people surprised at how the person does certain things. It is therefore, foolhardy for anyone to divulge their secret.

If you are asked the secret that makes you successful, what will be your answer? Most rational minds will say, hard work, consistency, networking, value, continuous quest for knowledge, etc. All these are good points no doubt, but those may not really be the key factors to success. They are the general approach an insightful person can adopt. For instance, one might do all the aforementioned points and still fail, especially when the grace of God is not at work in the life of the person or where that’s the not calling of the person.

One might be wondering how that works? At creation, God gave everyone a talent/gift to serve the world, but some decided to give themselves another skill instead of honing what God has given to them. One might succeed in their chosen area, but they may lack fulfilment. But when one is working in their area of purpose, it hits different because they will not have to stress too much to make an impact. The universe will conspire to make the person successful.

Another secret to one’s success might be their access. Some people might have all they need but lack access to certain people and information. Another person’s secret might be giving, kindness and favour. Let’s speak a minute on this. Some people don’t know the role of giving, and how giving can open a closed door. It’s not just about giving, but the mindset involved in the giving.

Let me share some personal experiences I had a couple of years ago.

One day, one of my mentors breezed into New York for a meeting. He called me and I was elated because I have been looking forward to meeting him. Because another of my mentors have counseled me on the importance of giving mentors and resourceful people gifts, I bought a decent wine for him as a token of appreciation for him.

I could see the surprise on his face when I presented the wine and copies of my book to him. When I inquired why he was surprised, he said, “Henry, it’s not the amount of the gift that matters or the gift itself, rather, it’s the thought that went into it. That hit me differently.

To my amazement, he requested my account number. He was gracious enough to send me $1,000. In all honesty, my joy knew new bounds. It’s important to note that it is not the person who has money that gives, rather it is the person who has heart that gives. It’s sad to see young minds, who find it difficult to give to their mentors. They feel their mentors have more than them, but their ignorant mind fails to acknowledge that uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.

Another dimension of giving that has continually opened doors for me is a principle I learnt from one of my mentors, Dr. Yomi Garnett. According to him, “you will get what you want faster when you assist other people to achieve what they want”.

This principle is a game changer for me. It has opened my doors for me. One of such doors that stood out for me was meeting a great mind, Mr. Sulyman Sodeeq Abdulakeem, a rare breed. I met this young man on X, formerly Twitter, when he reached out to me informing me of how he has been following my weekly articles. He went further to produce a compilation of my quotes from my work.

That I was surprised is an understatement. Even if I wanted to say no to him when he requested I become his mentor, but for his dedication, I opened my valve to him. Today, he’s the Chief Operating Officer of my company. I saw value in him, and gave him some percentage of my company even when we are yet to make money in the company.

Now, here is where it gets interesting; what I did for him for a mere favor anyone can do without blinking an eye. But his young man has gone further to be a priceless blessing to me in ways and manners I cannot explain here. As a matter of fact, I feel I give him 10% and he gives me 90%. In all sincerity, he’s one of the best gifts and blessings God has given to me, and I will be eternally grateful to him (God) for the gift of Sulyman.

Imagine if I had not opened my doors to him, I wouldn’t be a beneficiary of his ingenuity.

Another person’s secret might be an unusual favour. Some people are favored where others fail. It’s instructive to note that different things work for different people.

As an author and creative writer, one of the secrets behind my strength and inspiration to write on a weekly basis in addition to publishing books with relative ease is God. I am not ashamed of the role the God-factor is playing in my life. This is because we live in a society where some people are shy or even ashamed of identifying with God, for reasons best known to them.

For me, I can boldly say, I’m super proud of what God is doing in my life. He’s my source and strength. One prayer I always say is, God, when you take me to the top and I become successful, any day I decide to take your glory and say it’s because of my hard work, intelligence and network, may your glory depart from me. I’m that intentional. Apart from the work I do, I have seen and experienced the hand of God upon my life, and the experience is summed up in one word; encounter.

Another secret of my success is my interaction. By God’s grace, I know how to relate with people. If I decide to meet someone, how I engage them can be fascinating. I think God gave me a discerning spirit, wisdom and the right diction to meet people where they are.

Back to the article; secrets work in different ways, and for different people. It’s just like a man who wants to talk to a lady. The ability for the man to know what works for the lady can be the game changer. According to Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages, it is important to know what works for anyone. For instance, while some ladies love language is words affirmation, other ladies love language might be gifts, services, time or physical touch.

In conclusion, life is a secret, to discover the secret, you will have to have the code and the code can be found in the secret. So, where is the secret? The secret lies in God. Seek God, and He will surely give you the needed secret to triumph.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Dear Destiny Friends,

Secrets are exclusive preserves of certain individuals or institutions. They are one’s advantage over others, in the sense of ‘there’s something I know, which no one else knows. No one can ever claim that they don’t have a secret, either in the good or bad light.

Secrets therefore, exist in the family circle, business terrain, academic environment, career/professional pursuit, health management, spiritual connectivity and even in everyday personal living. It is an undeniable fact that everyone has a secret that works for them.

Let’s take a minute to discuss some of the aforementioned secrets.

Family

Every family has a secret. It will be foolhardy for anyone to disclose family secrets. Most families die with their secrets. To understand how family secrets work, imagine the Coca-Cola company. The family is said to be the only one in the world that has the formula for the beverage; a trade secret that originated with its creator, John Pemberton.

It is said that not even all family members enter the room where Coca-Cola is mixed or manufactured for fear of the secret being divulged. Imagine where spouses have access to the room and the marriage goes south, there’s a tendency that a spiteful divorced partner might leak the secret and the rest as they say is history.

There are many secrets that bind many families which only the immediate family members know. In some cases, only the parents or grandparents know. They can decide to share the secret to either the first male child, first female child or even a member of the family that one considers rational. For instance, imagine where a family is faced with a peculiar life threatening illness which ordinarily might scare anyone who wants to get married into that family, it will be stupid for anyone to spit it out, that act alone can make the intending spouse to reconsider his/her plan to marry from the family.

Business

Every business has a trade secret. Trade secrets are what makes a business unique.  Every business has a unique selling point. (USP), which is a distinct benefit that sets the business or product apart from its competitors. A shrewd businessman will never leak his secret to his employees or competitors. The best his employees will know are the values, the operational systems or structures of the business and how his mindset works. But what makes the business stand out is the mystery that one will need to unravel.

Academic

Every student has a distinct trait that makes him/her succeed academically. This unique trait makes the student exceptional. For any student to succeed in their academics, he must know himself and what works for him. While some might study at night, some might study during the day, others might just listen during the lecture and understand the key points.

It’s sad to see students, who haven’t discovered who they are and what works for them following students who have discovered who they are. For example, while some students have good listening and understanding ability, and can listen to lectures and read a little and pass their examinations, some other students will have to read the course material before the lecture, listen during the lecture, read after the lecture and read thoroughly for examination before they can get a decent grade.

In some cases, they might not get the desired grade. Some students will even party hard during the day and at night they study, while some will party at night and study during the day. So, you can see that while some students have discovered themselves and what works for them, some others follow them sheepishly. Moral: Know what works for you and do what works for you because according to Oscar Wilde, “be yourself because others are taken”.

Career/Profession

Every career professional has a secret that works for them. In the same way, every industry knows what makes it stands out. The secret of what makes someone in the entertainment industry successful is quite different from what makes someone in politics or law enforcement, energy, education, legal, or health sector different. They all have different strokes, and the ability of one to do the needful in addition to playing the associated game can be the game changer.

Health

Health is a personal thing. Nobody knows you more than you know yourself. To show you how secretive and important one’s health is, it’s been said that there are three kinds of life: Public life, private life and secret life.

Your public life is the life that is generally known by everyone. It is the character we exhibit in the public space. It can also be regarded as the image perception lifestyle; we don’t generally go around revealing our health status in the public domain except where necessary. The private lifestyle; this is the kind of life only our family and close friends know.

Again, we don’t disclose such pertinent information to them only where and when necessary, then we have the secret lifestyle which only us and our creator knows. In some cases, we go to the graveyard with this. Do you see why health is a personal issue which needs to be kept in a secret place?

Personal

As mentioned earlier, everyone is unique. One of the best things that can happen to anyone is knowing themselves, and knowing what makes them different. I strongly believe we all have seeds of greatness in us. What works for Mr. A might not work for Mr. B. Like I always say, you can copy my style, but you can’t be me because imitation is a limitation.

For instance, I have unique energy and inspiration when it comes to writing. I have developed a keen interest and passion for writing. If tomorrow I become very successful or attract a unique opportunity, and someone decides to try writing to attract similar opportunities, the person might fail because God is the one that decides what opportunities come to anyone nor matter how hard someone may work.

Spiritual

This is another interesting aspect of life. Life is indeed spiritual. There’s nothing that happens physically without taking place spiritually. Everyone has a covenant point that was assigned to them at birth. Once that covenant point is touched that fellow might lose their blessings, anointing or what makes them strong.

There have been many testimonies about this. For instance, in the Bible, Samson’s touching point was his hair. He knows his power lies in his hair, that’s why Delilah tried so many times to know the secret of his strength, but Samson refused to tell her. She tried to make him drunk, but Samson still has the power. Samson repeatedly lied to Delilah about the secret of his strength, first saying it was new bowstrings, then new ropes, and finally by weaving his hair into a loom. Each time, he easily broke free, but Delilah continued to pressure him.

Weary from her constant questioning, Samson finally confessed that his strength was tied to his hair, which had never been cut because he was a Nazirite from birth. Delilah then called for a man to shave Samson’s seven locks of hair while he slept in her lap. His secret was revealed. His hair was cut. He strength was gone.

Do you see that Samson’s secret place was his hair?

In conclusion, depending on what we are working on, we all have our secret strength and place. The onus is on us to cultivate and dwell on this secret place to avoid losing power and focus.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com