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RELATIONSHIP: The Changing Dynamics of Wooing

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It may not be common yet, but the dynamic of wooing no longer leans majorly on the side of men. In fact, women in the western world, for instance, have so much perfected the art that their men do not feel burdened with strategizing and lying for the chase any longer.

Interestingly, the trend is now crossing over into African societies and especially the Nigerian culture. Old African cultures usually operated at the level of betrothal, before young men and women snatched autonomy from their parents regarding their romantic or matrimonial choices. Since the turn of the 21st century, African parents hardly even have a 50% say in the partner their ward chooses; youths take the liberties to court whoever their heart desires.

There have always been elements of hyper-gamy and patriarchy in how the human relationship has evolved over time. How it came to be that women expect to be wooed and convinced by a man is still largely mysterious. It was not a law but it has been an unspoken rule of engagement which generation after generation has strangely accepted and followed to the book. This trend has made even some women reluctant to get or seek pleasure by themselves, replacing it with an expectation to be patronized by men.

As another aspect of sexual evolution would have things change, feminism, for starters, seized a larger part of women’s autonomy from the claws of patriarchy and handed it back to them. Women in the western worlds began to see that they can get the kind of men they want too and not just the men getting the kind of women they wanted.

Before social media or telecommunications was a thing, men developed so many tactics to catch the attention of the kind of women they wanted: and the more they practised wooing the better they got at the art of seduction. Others who are not able to swing women in their favour went a little overboard and would sometimes rather harass the women who rejected their advances with catcalls than take being rejected in good faith. In worse scenarios, other men too took ownership of women by force deploying rape and sexual abuse as a tool of control. The balance was badly skewed – men risked to venture into women while the women shuffled and had the last decision on the choice.

Perhaps, the advent of technology has helped to begin to tilt this dynamic towards women now. The fear of rejection which many women initially faced when wooing men is now being dampened by the mask which social media provides. Surely, a rejected advance on social media is still less traumatic than in the physical world where such a woman might have to walk away with heavy feet if she got rejected. But gone are the days of women sending men mere signals, mild seduction and flirtations – which men naturally fall for – and expect just that to get the job of wooing done. In fact, men who get advances from women are now beginning to ask for more – to be properly wooed.

While a larger percentage of women still vouch they will never move over to the men, expecting their perfect gentleman and prince-charming to come out of the blues and court them; quite a good crop of women are beginning to accept the reality of the changing times and equally adjusting.

It is a good time to be alive; to witness that women can also initiate active responsibility in going for their choice of men without being stereotyped or judged as slutty.

 

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South Africa Nothing Without Africa – MTN Boss, Mcebisi Jonas

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The MTN Group Chairman, Mcebisi Jonas, has condemned the ongoing anti-foreigner sentiment in South Africa, describing it as a symptom of State failure being cynically exploited by politicians with no interest in genuine solutions.

The speech is seen as one of the most substantive interventions by a senior business figure into xenophobic crisis currently plaguing South Africa.

Delivered during the funeral service of Zimbabwean-born activist and public servant, Thokozani Damasane, Jonas’ words have sparked a wave of discussion across South African civil society.

“I was thinking, what is home to Damasane?” he said. “Because I understand, and I understood very early in life, that home is where humanity is. Home is about humanness. It is about the good of humanity and striving for the good of humanity.”

Thokozani Damasane was born and educated in Zimbabwe before relocating to South Africa during the post-apartheid transition period. Jonas described him as arriving “as an outcast” into a country still finding its post-liberation footing – and choosing, nonetheless, to commit himself entirely to its struggles and its people.

“He immersed himself deeply into the struggles, into the pains of South Africans, and he became one of us,” Jonas said.

“In Damasane’s strength, our strength as South Africa and South Africans is reflected. And in his weaknesses, our own weaknesses are reflected.”

Speaking further, Jonas blamed the state for the failure being witnessed, emphasising that if foreigners leave South Africa today, the country’s problems will still persist.

“Foreigners can leave tomorrow – inequality will be with us,” he told the congregation.

“Foreigners will leave tomorrow – unemployment will be with us. Foreigners will leave tomorrow – our police will remain corrupt. Foreigners will leave tomorrow – our politicians will still be concerned with one thing: being elected and re-elected.

“The problem is the failure of the state. The State doesn’t manage immigration. It doesn’t manage its borders. It doesn’t enforce
law enforcement. It doesn’t manage education. What are you expecting?”

Jonas argued that this failure created fertile ground for political manipulation. “When people feel the burn, they become vulnerable to politicians whose sole purpose is to be elected and re-elected. Some of them have no credibility whatsoever. But they lead marches and tell our people that the problem is not us – it is foreigners.”

Jonas recounted a conversation he had witnessed between Damasane and a young man who had challenged the right of foreigners to be in South Africa. Damasane’s response, Jonas said, had stayed with him ever since.

“Damasane said to this guy: Just wait fifteen or twenty years. You will also want to leave your country.”

Jonas told mourners those words now carry a weight Damasane may not have anticipated. “As I stand up today, I look at South Africa. The level of oppression and inequality, the level of exclusion of our people, the level of corruption, the betrayal of the dream of liberation – those words of Damasane ring very loud in my ears.”

South Africa is nothing without Africa

Jonas closed with a call for what he described as a return to “national consciousness” – one rooted in continental solidarity and economic interdependence rather than ethnic exclusion.

“We are a nation embedded in Africa,” he said. “And without Africa, our growth as a country – economically – our fortune is intertwined with the growth of Africa. South Africa is nothing without Africa. And Africa is nothing without South Africa.”

He also reframed the question of legacy and identity for Damasane’s children, who were present. “Sometimes this thing called meritocracy is measured in wealth. No. It is values, it is principles, it is integrity. And your father had all of that.”

“We cannot judge people by their origin,” he told mourners. “We cannot determine the legal status of people by their origin.”

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NDC Rejects Court Ruling on Party’s Registration, Heads to Appeal Court

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The Nigeria Democratic Congress (NDC), on Friday, vowed to challenge the judgment nullifying its registration by the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC), insisting that it would exercise its constitutional right of appeal.

Reacting to the ruling on Thursday, the party’s spokesman, Osa Director, said the NDC was still awaiting the certified copy of the judgment before making a comprehensive statement on the court’s decision.

He, however, confirmed that the party had resolved to head to the appellate court.

“We are still waiting to obtain a copy of the judgment. After reading the comprehensive judgment, we will make a detailed statement,” he said.

The spokesman added: “For now, what is certain is that we will exercise our right of appeal.”

Insisting that the party would challenge the ruling, he said: “It is our constitutional right to appeal, and we intend to exercise that right.”

When asked specifically whether the NDC would appeal the judgment voiding its registration, the spokesman replied: “Yes, the party will appeal the case.”

The party’s reaction came shortly after a Federal High Court sitting in Lokoja, Kogi State, in a judgement that nullified its registration by INEC, a development that could have significant implications for the NDC’s participation in the country’s political process ahead of the 2027 general elections.

The NDC, however, maintained that it would refrain from making further comments on the substance of the judgment until it had studied the full text of the court’s decision.

The party’s planned appeal is expected to set the stage for a fresh legal battle over its status and continued existence as a registered political party.

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Setback for Peter Obi, Others As Court Orders Deregistration of NDC

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A Federal High Court in Lokoja has set aside an earlier judgment that compelled the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) to register the Nigeria Democratic Congress (NDC) as a political party.

The latest ruling by the presiding judge, Justice Isah Dashen comes days after a Federal High Court in Abuja ordered INEC to register the Citizens Democratic Alliance (CDA) as a political party.

Justice Obiora Egwuatu, who presided over the Abuja case, had directed INEC to issue the party with a certificate of registration within seven days after ruling in a suit filed by Tamunotonye Samuel Solomon Inioribo and two others.

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