Dear Destiny Friends,

To some people, giving is a lifestyle while to some others, it is a burden. However, it should be noted that it is not only the person that has enough that gives, rather the person with a heart of giving.

Overtime, I have discovered that giving means different things to different people. While some people genuinely give to show concern, some people give to show appreciation and gratitude for favors received. A lot more others give for economic reasons like in the United States of America, where charitable giving can be considered for tax deduction. So, some people give to write off debts for taxable purposes. Maybe, they wouldn’t give if the tax code didn’t make that provision. Who knows? Some people even give because it is spiritually advised so that they can receive from the creator (God).

If you are asked why you give or what’s the reason behind your giving, what will be your answer? Personally, I love to give because giving makes me happy. This is how I see giving. Whenever I see anyone who is going through a lot, I feel much better when I assist them in alleviating or solving their problem. One of my favorite lines in the Bible is Matthew 11:28 which says, “Come to me all you that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”. What the passage means is that God is our greatest succor whenever we are stressed. He advises us to bring our burden to him, and he will make us feel good.

Unfortunately however, we live in a society that loves to receive as opposed to giving. Many people derive joy in seeking assistance whether it relates to money, resources, or knowledge, but very few people selflessly bring their time to give and share their time and resources. One of my mentors once said, the givers hand is always on top while the receiver’s hand is always below. So, the question one needs to ask himself is, where do you want to belong?

One of the best things that can happen to anyone is to have a heart that gives. I recently read a book titled “Making it Big” by Dr. Femi Otedola, a global philanthropist. In his book, he stated that he got to a stage in life where he had to ask himself what makes him happy? He reflected deeply on that question and pondered on it for a while only for him to discover that giving is one of the greatest things that makes him happy. He went further to list all his philanthropic works which have endeared him to the hearts of people.

Dr. Femi Otedola, despite being a shrewd businessman has a large heart when it comes to giving. I have personally discovered that when one gives genuinely without any sentiments or emotions, it has a way of coming back to them in a hundred fold.

When one gives with love, God, in His infinite mercy might not give you back money, he might decide to give you good health, good children, good employees, mentors, opportunities etc. But ignorant minds won’t understand that these are what truly matter.

Uninformed minds would like to receive financial rewards, but they fail to understand that if you are given money, one might use that same money to treat oneself in the hospital or buy luxurious vehicles that might crash leading to their death. They can even use the money to build houses, factories, companies, etc. which can be consumed by fire. Do you see how God blesses one?

Having written about the importance of receiving, the big question we now must ask ourselves is how do we receive? To receive or attract favour, one must either give, solve problems or add value. These three principles are the factors responsible for changing the fortunes of any progressive mind.

Let’s take them one after another:

Giving

I call the act of giving, a womb opener. When you give, the style, manner and mindset of giving can be the game changer of your life. I can’t explain how giving has opened doors for me. Giving is one of the secrets that endeared me to a lot of resourceful minds. When I talk of giving in this context, I’m referring to both financially and resourceful. I give to my mentors, friends, mentees, family, relatives, strangers, God etc., and trust me the rewards have been fulfilling.

Over time, I have had conversations with people who feel giving to mentors is a waste of money because they are already rich and wealthy. I have a different mindset to that thought pattern. Your mentors or benefactors are always on the givers side, and it’s okay for one to think they don’t have any problem, but the truth is that they might have more problems than me and you, but they tend to manage or keep it close to their heart.  Trust me, great men have deeper needs, so when someone gives them money or gift, it hits them differently. But more importantly, it separates you from the rank and file of people who might be classified as beggars.

It is generally stated that givers never lack, but I stand to disagree slightly, givers do lack when they don’t give with wisdom. Some people just give indiscriminately when they hear pitiable stories. While all these things are capable of making someone give, one has to be mindful of being moved with emotions and sentiments because when problems come, it won’t come with emotions and sentiments. As a matter of fact, when people see you can be swayed by emotion they can manipulate and play with your brain just to squeeze some money from you. Here is what I will advise, have a charitable benchmark for giving. I say this because when you don’t plan for your money, other folks will plan it for you.

Solve Problems

This right here is one of the best ways if not the best way to receive money. Nobody just gives their hard-earned money for fun because they like just like you without attaching the money for a cause. If you don’t have money, the reason is often because you are not solving a problem, or you are not solving enough problems, or you are not solving the right problem or you are not solving problems for the right people.

There’s so much money everywhere. Money surrounds us in the form of problems. It’s up to you to look at your community, company, institution etc. and ask, what can I do to fix these problems or challenges? When you proffer a solution with a better quality, money will come to your pocket. As one of my mentors will say, when the man with money meets the man with experience, the man with money will lose his experience to gain money and the man with experience will part with his experience to gain money.

Here is my advice: instead of begging people for money, ask them what can you do for them?

Add Value

The final but not the least is value. It’s instructive to note that the more you learn, the more you earn.  Just like, network, access, education, money, relationship, are regarded as currencies.  Value is the new currency. In fact, value is the center of all currency because they have something which people need. If you don’t have value, you won’t be respected or valued.  Most times people just think they are nobody, maybe because they think they are poor, or not from a rich family. No, we are all relevant. It’s due to an inferiority complex that will make one to believe they are nobody. Everyone has a value. Provided you are a human being, there is something you can do.

Just like the poor man needs the rich man, the rich man also needs the poor man. Just like the USA doesn’t have all the resources despite being the most powerful nation on the planet, they also have needs, for instance they need some resources from other countries to supplement their needs.

In summary, if you want to receive, ask yourself, what am I giving?

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Dear Destiny Friends,

Secrets are exclusive preserves of certain individuals or institutions. They are one’s advantage over others, in the sense of ‘there’s something I know, which no one else knows. No one can ever claim that they don’t have a secret, either in the good or bad light.

Secrets therefore, exist in the family circle, business terrain, academic environment, career/professional pursuit, health management, spiritual connectivity and even in everyday personal living. It is an undeniable fact that everyone has a secret that works for them.

Let’s take a minute to discuss some of the aforementioned secrets.

Family

Every family has a secret. It will be foolhardy for anyone to disclose family secrets. Most families die with their secrets. To understand how family secrets work, imagine the Coca-Cola company. The family is said to be the only one in the world that has the formula for the beverage; a trade secret that originated with its creator, John Pemberton.

It is said that not even all family members enter the room where Coca-Cola is mixed or manufactured for fear of the secret being divulged. Imagine where spouses have access to the room and the marriage goes south, there’s a tendency that a spiteful divorced partner might leak the secret and the rest as they say is history.

There are many secrets that bind many families which only the immediate family members know. In some cases, only the parents or grandparents know. They can decide to share the secret to either the first male child, first female child or even a member of the family that one considers rational. For instance, imagine where a family is faced with a peculiar life threatening illness which ordinarily might scare anyone who wants to get married into that family, it will be stupid for anyone to spit it out, that act alone can make the intending spouse to reconsider his/her plan to marry from the family.

Business

Every business has a trade secret. Trade secrets are what makes a business unique.  Every business has a unique selling point. (USP), which is a distinct benefit that sets the business or product apart from its competitors. A shrewd businessman will never leak his secret to his employees or competitors. The best his employees will know are the values, the operational systems or structures of the business and how his mindset works. But what makes the business stand out is the mystery that one will need to unravel.

Academic

Every student has a distinct trait that makes him/her succeed academically. This unique trait makes the student exceptional. For any student to succeed in their academics, he must know himself and what works for him. While some might study at night, some might study during the day, others might just listen during the lecture and understand the key points.

It’s sad to see students, who haven’t discovered who they are and what works for them following students who have discovered who they are. For example, while some students have good listening and understanding ability, and can listen to lectures and read a little and pass their examinations, some other students will have to read the course material before the lecture, listen during the lecture, read after the lecture and read thoroughly for examination before they can get a decent grade.

In some cases, they might not get the desired grade. Some students will even party hard during the day and at night they study, while some will party at night and study during the day. So, you can see that while some students have discovered themselves and what works for them, some others follow them sheepishly. Moral: Know what works for you and do what works for you because according to Oscar Wilde, “be yourself because others are taken”.

Career/Profession

Every career professional has a secret that works for them. In the same way, every industry knows what makes it stands out. The secret of what makes someone in the entertainment industry successful is quite different from what makes someone in politics or law enforcement, energy, education, legal, or health sector different. They all have different strokes, and the ability of one to do the needful in addition to playing the associated game can be the game changer.

Health

Health is a personal thing. Nobody knows you more than you know yourself. To show you how secretive and important one’s health is, it’s been said that there are three kinds of life: Public life, private life and secret life.

Your public life is the life that is generally known by everyone. It is the character we exhibit in the public space. It can also be regarded as the image perception lifestyle; we don’t generally go around revealing our health status in the public domain except where necessary. The private lifestyle; this is the kind of life only our family and close friends know.

Again, we don’t disclose such pertinent information to them only where and when necessary, then we have the secret lifestyle which only us and our creator knows. In some cases, we go to the graveyard with this. Do you see why health is a personal issue which needs to be kept in a secret place?

Personal

As mentioned earlier, everyone is unique. One of the best things that can happen to anyone is knowing themselves, and knowing what makes them different. I strongly believe we all have seeds of greatness in us. What works for Mr. A might not work for Mr. B. Like I always say, you can copy my style, but you can’t be me because imitation is a limitation.

For instance, I have unique energy and inspiration when it comes to writing. I have developed a keen interest and passion for writing. If tomorrow I become very successful or attract a unique opportunity, and someone decides to try writing to attract similar opportunities, the person might fail because God is the one that decides what opportunities come to anyone nor matter how hard someone may work.

Spiritual

This is another interesting aspect of life. Life is indeed spiritual. There’s nothing that happens physically without taking place spiritually. Everyone has a covenant point that was assigned to them at birth. Once that covenant point is touched that fellow might lose their blessings, anointing or what makes them strong.

There have been many testimonies about this. For instance, in the Bible, Samson’s touching point was his hair. He knows his power lies in his hair, that’s why Delilah tried so many times to know the secret of his strength, but Samson refused to tell her. She tried to make him drunk, but Samson still has the power. Samson repeatedly lied to Delilah about the secret of his strength, first saying it was new bowstrings, then new ropes, and finally by weaving his hair into a loom. Each time, he easily broke free, but Delilah continued to pressure him.

Weary from her constant questioning, Samson finally confessed that his strength was tied to his hair, which had never been cut because he was a Nazirite from birth. Delilah then called for a man to shave Samson’s seven locks of hair while he slept in her lap. His secret was revealed. His hair was cut. He strength was gone.

Do you see that Samson’s secret place was his hair?

In conclusion, depending on what we are working on, we all have our secret strength and place. The onus is on us to cultivate and dwell on this secret place to avoid losing power and focus.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Greetings Destiny Friends,

It ua an undisputable fact that the rich have more friends than the poor. As a matter of fact, almost everyone wants to be a friend of the rich. That explains the saying that the rich have many relatives while the poor are orphans.

We live in a society where most people are respected and reverenced because of their status, title and the resources at their disposal. However, this should not be so; everyone deserves to be respected irrespective of their titles and resources.

Respect comes in different ways. Anyone who has made significant impact or achieved a commendable feat ought to be accorded a decent level of recognition for their uncommon feat because it’s not easy to do uncommon things most people only dream of doing or achieving. The question now is, what is the fate of those who tried but didn’t succeed?

Well, a lot of variable factors might contribute to why someone fails in his endeavour. It might be a case of not preparing enough; it might also be a case of being unlucky and not encountering favourable opportunity; it can also be a case of benefactors not aligning with the person; it can so be as result of weather, while others may say it maybe because of the universe not favoring the said individual.

Whatever may be the case, everyone deserves to be celebrated for the effort they have invested regardless of how life unfolds.

It’s sad however, to see people who have succeeded in business, politics, academic, entertainment, religion, health or even personal development looking down on other people, who are still struggling to succeed. What some people failed to understand is that nobody remains at the top forever. Those who have truly succeeded need those who have failed because there are symbiotic lessons they will enjoy.

The big question begging for answer now is, who will help the poor? The poor in this context refers to those who have tried and failed, the less fortunate, those who have tried and keep trying but are yet to succeed.  The big answer is not far fetched; nobody will save you; you’ll have to save yourself. That’s the sad reality. Sometimes, we think our parents, mentors, family, benefactors, or God will come to our rescue, but in the journey of life, miracles happen within the limits of probabilities.

Let me explain further; though I believe in the power of miracles, especially coming from the spiritual aspect because the Book of Sirach in 11:21, tells me that “God can make a poor man to suddenly and instantly become rich” Also in Psalm 30:5, the Bible states that “tears may come at night, but joy comes in the morning”. That said, I’m quite aware that Heaven helps those who help themselves.

One can’t be preparing for an examination, and concentrate on praying all night, without making attempt to study. God will help you to fail. One can’t be praying for a child and fails to consummate the marriage with their partner, one can’t be praying to be rich and wealthy and fail to work. The list is endless.

It is when one has done the needful that the universe and God will conspire to assist them. In the same manner, your friends, mentors, family, benefactors can’t assist you if you haven’t assisted yourself. What most people don’t understand is that nobody owes you anything. Whatever act of goodwill anyone does for you is more like a favour, but it’s said a lot of people have an entitlement mentality.

A businessman, Emeka Ukazu, stated that “the four stages of an entitled mind are appreciation, anticipation, expectation and entitlement”. According to him, when someone is given a monetary gift, they always express appreciation at the first instance, next time, they look towards receiving another monetary gift or favour from you in form of anticipation, then it becomes a pattern of expectation for reasons best known to them before it finally becomes an entitlement.

Here is the gist; nobody will save the poor, the poor will have to save themselves. Just like nobody saved the rich, yes one may say the rich had one or two favours that made them to triumph. It should be noted that they may have played the right cards, paid their dues by interning, volunteering, or doing the needful to get the desired attention. They may have also had the right mindset, practiced delayed gratification or even did the work which attracted the right mentors to them. The question the poor or anyone who has failed should answer is, can I pay the price the rich man paid to get to where he is today?

Life is indeed a sacrifice; nothing is easy. I have personally sacrificed my time and resources to get certain opportunities. Needless to talk about the strategic risk I explored which some became positive while some didn’t go as planned. Back to the analysis – the rich man might have been once a poor man, who refused to stay poor, and he decided to take a proactive step to change the trajectory of his life.

I have had the opportunity to relate with some wealthy minds to see how they think. They don’t like social climbers or praise singers; they respect people with value. They also have their problems. I once heard that the richest Black man in the world, Alhaji Aliko Dangote, took the risk to borrow hundreds if not billions to fund his business. Imagine if the business had failed, that would have been tantamount to suicide. Then contrast that to if he succeeds and somebody somewhere will expect him to give back or even give them money because he is wealthy.

He might just smile if he’s in a good mood. In some cases, he might give if it aligns with his values or ideas in life. As much as I support giving back, the area I’m not comfortable is where some uninformed minds think that he will support them just because he has so much money. They don’t take into cognizance the risk he took to get to where he is. Some of them might not even dare to take the risk. That’s why it’s said, if a poor man is told what a rich man does to get rich, he will prefer to remain poor. That’s food for thought.

Now let’s flip the question. Who will help the rich? If the rich becomes broke, sick and bankrupt; who will help him? That’s the question I would want us to ponder for a minute. Everyone needs help. Just like I always say, everyone is experiencing a secret frustration, and as such needs help in one way or another.

So, when anyone gives you anything, please appreciate it from the bottom of your heart because in real sense, he doesn’t really owe you, unless he is paying you back for service or showing you appreciation or gratitude for whatever you have done for them in the past or presently.

In conclusion, as you go about your daily activities, explore avenues to add value to your life because you are the one who will save yourself, just like we save money so that money can save us.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com