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RELATIONSHIP: The Changing Dynamics of Wooing

It may not be common yet, but the dynamic of wooing no longer leans majorly on the side of men. In fact, women in the western world, for instance, have so much perfected the art that their men do not feel burdened with strategizing and lying for the chase any longer.

Interestingly, the trend is now crossing over into African societies and especially the Nigerian culture. Old African cultures usually operated at the level of betrothal, before young men and women snatched autonomy from their parents regarding their romantic or matrimonial choices. Since the turn of the 21st century, African parents hardly even have a 50% say in the partner their ward chooses; youths take the liberties to court whoever their heart desires.

There have always been elements of hyper-gamy and patriarchy in how the human relationship has evolved over time. How it came to be that women expect to be wooed and convinced by a man is still largely mysterious. It was not a law but it has been an unspoken rule of engagement which generation after generation has strangely accepted and followed to the book. This trend has made even some women reluctant to get or seek pleasure by themselves, replacing it with an expectation to be patronized by men.

As another aspect of sexual evolution would have things change, feminism, for starters, seized a larger part of women’s autonomy from the claws of patriarchy and handed it back to them. Women in the western worlds began to see that they can get the kind of men they want too and not just the men getting the kind of women they wanted.

Before social media or telecommunications was a thing, men developed so many tactics to catch the attention of the kind of women they wanted: and the more they practised wooing the better they got at the art of seduction. Others who are not able to swing women in their favour went a little overboard and would sometimes rather harass the women who rejected their advances with catcalls than take being rejected in good faith. In worse scenarios, other men too took ownership of women by force deploying rape and sexual abuse as a tool of control. The balance was badly skewed – men risked to venture into women while the women shuffled and had the last decision on the choice.

Perhaps, the advent of technology has helped to begin to tilt this dynamic towards women now. The fear of rejection which many women initially faced when wooing men is now being dampened by the mask which social media provides. Surely, a rejected advance on social media is still less traumatic than in the physical world where such a woman might have to walk away with heavy feet if she got rejected. But gone are the days of women sending men mere signals, mild seduction and flirtations – which men naturally fall for – and expect just that to get the job of wooing done. In fact, men who get advances from women are now beginning to ask for more – to be properly wooed.

While a larger percentage of women still vouch they will never move over to the men, expecting their perfect gentleman and prince-charming to come out of the blues and court them; quite a good crop of women are beginning to accept the reality of the changing times and equally adjusting.

It is a good time to be alive; to witness that women can also initiate active responsibility in going for their choice of men without being stereotyped or judged as slutty.

 

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