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Love is not Enough for Your Relationship (Part 1)

Published

7 years ago

May 19, 2018

Eric

Although love is the foundation of any happy romantic relationship, love is not enough. In order to have a healthy relationship, both parties have to be willing to work on it. Below you’ll find 18 ways to keep your relationship strong.

Practice acceptance and appreciation.

The keys to mindful loving are acceptance and appreciation. Here’s a quote from Richo that expresses this idea: “In a true you and I relationship, we are present mindfully, non-intrusively, the way we are present with things in nature. We do not tell a birch tree it should be more like an elm. We face it with no agenda, only appreciation . . .”

Up and Downs

Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs. Just as you can’t expect to be happy all the time, you shouldn’t expect your relationship to be at a continuous high. When you make a long-term commitment to someone you have to be willing to ride the highs, as well as the lows, together.

Use the word “we”.

Research proves that couples who use the word “we” when talking are happier, calmer, and in general are more satisfied with their relationships than couples whose communication is more populated by the pronouns “you”, “me” and “I”.

The word “we” is a game changer. It sets off a program of connectedness in the brain so that instead of being in a “you vs. me” mindset, we’re in a collaborative mindset. This collaborative mindset makes us more loving and generous.

Follow the three-day gratitude plan.

Having an attitude of gratitude will revitalize your love life. A Study involving 77 married heterosexual and monogamous couples found that with expressed gratitude “participants reported that they felt more loving.”

“They also reported feeling more peaceful, amused, and proud. They perceived their partner as being more understanding, validating, caring, and generally more responsive. They were more likely to have reported spontaneously thanking their partner for something they’d appreciated on any given day. And they were more satisfied with the quality of their relationship overall.”

In order to get started with bringing more gratitude into your relationship recommends the following three-day gratitude plan:

Day 1: Find three qualities that you love about your partner and focus on those three qualities for the entire day.
Day 2: Identify three things that irritate you about your partner. Now forgive them for these things.
Day 3: For the entire day speak only kind words to your significant other.

Think of the three day plan as a cleansing which allows you to clear out feelings that keep your relationship from thriving.

Keep the 3:1 ratio.

Over the course of a day we have a variety of positive and negative experiences. This is also true when it comes to our relationship with our significant other. Most people think that as long as the positive experiences outweigh the negative, everything is fine. However, this isn’t so. It’s the ratio of positive to negative that matters.

Research has shown that the magical ratio for a flourishing relationship is at or above 3:1. That is, you need to have three times more positive experiences with your partner than negative experiences in order to have a healthy relationship.

Keep the novelty alive.

One of the positive aspects of being in a relationship with someone for a long time is that you really get to know each other. The negative side of this is that the novelty wears off, and humans love novelty.

However, there’s a way to keep the novelty alive: constantly try new activities together. This creates the excitement and the uncertainty that comes from the unknown, even if you’re with someone whom you know as well as the back of your hand.

Keep the playfulness alive.

We all love to play, regardless of our age. Do the following: have fun together; do something ridiculous together; and just let go. In addition, the next time that your partner says something that bothers you, try responding with a joke instead of getting defensive.

GIVE YOUR PARTNER SPACE.

The philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer used porcupines to explain a dilemma which often exists in human relationships. Two porcupines trying to keep warm will move closer to one another. However, if they get too close they prick each other with their spines.

The same thing happens in human relationships: we want closeness, but we also want space. The key is to find that sweet spot at which we feel the warmth that comes from being in a relationship, while at the same time allowing each partner to have enough space so that neither one feels like they’re being pricked by the other’s spines (feelings of lost individuality, feeling crowded, and so on).

SHOW EACH OTHER DAILY PHYSICAL AFFECTION.

Kory Floyd, Ph.D – a professor at Hugh Downs School of Communication at Arizona State University—explains that studies show that physical affection has a myriad of benefits. It releases feel-good hormones, it reduces blood pressure, it helps to release stress, it improves mood, and it’s associated with higher relationship satisfaction.

Showing physical affection can be as easy as kissing, holding hands, hugging, giving a back scratch, or putting a hand around the other person’s shoulder.

Use AAA.

Mira Kirshenbaum, psychotherapist and author of “The Weekend Marriage” explains that when your significant other is upset over something you’ve done, you should apply the AAA approach. This stands for apology, affection, and a promise of action. To elaborate:

Tell your partner that you’re sorry that you’ve hurt or disappointment them.
Offer a meaningful gesture of warmth, such as a hug or a kiss.
Pledge to take action that is meaningful to them.

Featured

Henry Ukazu: Celebrating a Catalyst of Pathfinding

Published

5 days ago

December 3, 2024

Eric

By Abdulakeem Sodeeq Sulyman

In a world where everyone uses others’ yardsticks to measure their progress, the trailblazers are set apart by the utmost pursuit of their passion to actualise their purpose.” – Abdulakeem Sodeeq SULYMAN

Those who are familiar with Henry Ukazu would have heard about his life’s trajectory and a certain point in his life would prompt them to ask how a potentially-thoroughbred legal practitioner turned to a leadership trainer, self-discovery coach and youth advocate, using his platform to transform lives globally. For those who are still in the wilderness, imagining how Henry Ukazu settled for the path he had chosen, the answer is not far-fetched. The turning points in everyone’s life beckons when we realise what we have to do to carve a niche for ourselves.

The above assertion perfectly depicts the life of Henry Ukazu. Another aspect of Henry Ukazu’s life that can cause one to raise eyebrows is knowing that Taxation Law was his major during his master’s in New York Law School. Those who are familiar with the arithmetical demands of taxation would know that settling for it as a practitioner goes beyond being faint-hearted! Yet, Henry Ukazu overcame all odds by not only graduated in taxation; but also earning a laurel by winning the Dean’s prize.

Knowing that Henry Ukazu won the Dean’s prize in Taxation Law and still chosen another path makes it important to stress that the hallmark of every life’s achievement is the one connected with personnel fulfillment. It was the pursuit of this fulfillment that made Henry Ukazu swerved from legal practice and taxation into the pursuit of enculturing people for their purpose and nurturing them for lifetime impact. To me, Henry Ukazu is a replica of Robin Sharma, a trained lawyer, who abandoned one of the Ivy-league chambers, to pursue the quest of leading people to harness their healthset, heartset, mindset and soulset.

Don’t get me wrong readers. I am not saying that Henry Ukazu wouldn’t have attained greatness if he had chosen to venture into legal practice. I know many legal practitioners who are lightening people’s lives through their works; many of those lawyers I have unalloyed admirations for! What I am trying to say is that how Henry Ukazu abandoned the temptations of the social recognitions and financial rewards that accompanied the revered, learned profession is uncommon.

That reflects Henry Ukazu’s selflessness and dedication to worship God with everything he has. A revered pastor, Rick Warren, states that the human potential begins to manifest when they believe in God and allow Him to take absolute control of the courses of their lives. He cited the likes of Abraham, Joseph and others, who, despite being chosen by the Most High, faced their challenges with positive attitudes. Their beliefs in God slotted them in admirable places in the books of histories.

Henry Ukazu’s personality is one that exudes the aura of companionship and humanity. Any encounters I have with him always prompt me to think about the words of Gary Thomas, in the book, “The Sacred Pathways,” where he outlined nine ways human beings worship God, the supreme being. To me, Henry Ukazu is an enigma, who falls into the realms of Ascetics, Activists, Enthusiasts, Caregivers, Contemplatives and Intellectuals.

Henry Ukazu is an Ascetic because he devoted certain hours of his days to worship God in solitude and simplicity. There are certain hours of the day that he would neither receive calls nor respond to messages all because he is strengthening his ties with his Creator. Henry Ukazu is also an Activist by using his resources to battle evil, fight injustices and strive to make the world a better place. To him, nothing makes the world when its adherents are suffering! This justifies why Henry Ukazu is always ready to spend his last penny on appreciating talents and ingenuities.

Anyone who had witnessed Henry Ukazu’s celebration of successes and landmarks would attest to his Enthusiastic nature. No doubt that as today marks his birthday, it is very certain that his mouth would be full of praise for God’s favours showered upon him! Moreso, I can also say that Henry Ukazu is an Intellectual because he worships and loves God by studying other people’s minds. Anyone meeting Henry Ukazu for the first time without narcisurfing about him would never have a clue of his intellectual mettle. He is an intellectual of yore imbued with sound and robust absorptive capacity.

As the day breaks daily to set people apart for what they would be celebrated for, it is imperative to state that Henry Ukazu is one of the global icons that have deployed their intellectual and spiritual resources to brighten the lives of many. His utmost devotion to the pursuit of God’s purpose for his life has distinguished him, positioned him to stand with the giants and catapulted him to the heights of his ambitions.

Today, I joined other colleagues, acquaintances, protégés, well-wishers, friends, brothers and family members across the world to celebrate Henry Ukazu, thank God for his life; pray to God to continue to perfect his ways and crown his efforts with rewards that will elevate him to the league of change-makers and life-changers.

Many more productive, fulfilling and prosperous years!!!

Abdulakeem Sodeeq SULYMAN is an Author, Librarian and Researcher, who writes from Ilorin, Kwara State, Nigeria. He can be reached via +2348132226994

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Alimosho LG Boss Pledges Support As Glo Opens Outlet in Iyana-Ipaja

Published

5 days ago

December 2, 2024

Eric

As technology company, Globacom, opened another customer service outlet in Iyana Ipaja area of Lagos, on Friday, the Chairman, Alimosho Local Government, Honourable Jelili Suleiman Adewale, has assured the company of quality patronage by the community.

Hon. Adewale, who was the special guest at the commissioning of the Gloworld shop, commended Globacom for bringing its services closer to the people of Alimosho. “Globacom is our company; we are going to patronise you; we will ensure that this shop flourishes. You will never regret that you brought your branch to Iyana Ipaja”, he declared.

Also at the event were Hon. Obadina Ahmed, Speaker, Alimosho LGA House, council officials, Jamin Shotayo Tadeyo, Chief Akeweje of Alimosho General, who stood in for the Baale of Iyana Ipaja, High Chief Rasak Mosaku.

Globacom’s business partner who covers the area, Mr Chukwuma Leonard, Managing Director, Talkpoint Telecommunications, also lauded Glo for siting its outlet in Iyana Ipaja.

Abdulrazaq Ande who represented Globacom at the event said that the new premium experiential center is another in a new generation of iconic contact centers which are aesthetically appealing and equipped for comfort and speedy services.

It added that the commissioning was in line with its desire to bring its services closer to the people, and give them more exciting experience on the network, adding, “Our approach to customer service is that we are consistently seeking innovative channels to make available our array of products and services to them”.

According to the company, the retail shop is equipped with well-trained, polite and customer-friendly customer care staff who will provide first-class services and attend to customers’ complaints and enquiries as well as their service and product needs.

“They will also help you to access services including Glo Berekete 10X, which offers ten times the value of every recharge, double data value, amazing benefits on voice calls, free Instagram and TikTok access and audio and video streaming platforms perks as well as Glo Café, a one-stop app for all digital services and other Glo products and offerings, and also offers a more user-friendly experience, with ample benefits for customers who download it.”.

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Abimboye Fetes Ode Omu Residents with Food, Cash to Celebrate Adeleke’s Second Year in Office

Published

1 week ago

November 30, 2024

Eric

In a heartfelt celebration of Governor Ademola Adeleke’s second anniversary in office, Hon. Babatunde Michael Abimboye, a stalwart of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP), extended goodwill to members of the party in Ode Omu, Ayedaade Local Government Area of Osun State. The event, held on Friday, November 29, 2024, brought together party loyalists to commemorate the Governor’s remarkable achievements over the past two years.

The atmosphere in Ode Omu was vibrant, as PDP members gathered to receive food items and cash gifts distributed by Hon. Abimboye. The initiative, which underscored the importance of grassroots engagement, was described as both a celebration of democracy and a recognition of the efforts of party members in supporting the state’s leadership.

Speaking at the event, Hon. Abimboye highlighted the importance of the gesture, framing it as an appreciation for the loyalty and dedication of PDP members in the area. “This celebration goes beyond distributing food and cash gifts; it is a reflection of the Governor’s impact in transforming Osun State and ensuring that no community is left behind. As PDP members, we are proud to stand by him and share the dividends of democracy with our people,” he stated.

He added that Governor Ademola Adeleke’s two years in office have been marked by a focus on transformative governance, with initiatives aimed at improving infrastructure, education, healthcare, and economic opportunities across Osun State. These efforts have not only earned him the admiration of residents but also solidified his reputation as a leader committed to inclusivity and development.
Hon. Abimboye’s event served as a platform to reflect on these accomplishments, with attendees lauding Governor Adeleke’s approach to leadership. Many described the past two years as a period of renewed hope and tangible progress, particularly in rural communities like Ode Omu.

In Ode Omu, Abimboye listed the Governor’s impact has been particularly evident through targeted projects aimed at improving the lives of residents. These include the rehabilitation of two Primary Health Centres in the town as well as the total reconstructuon of the Oke-Eso Road which has facilitated easier movement of goods and people within the community.

Hon. Abimboye’s outreach in Ode Omu is reflective of the Governor’s broader commitment to grassroots engagement. By directly connecting with party members, the event reinforced the importance of unity within the PDP and underscored the administration’s dedication to inclusive governance.

Party members expressed their gratitude for the initiative, describing it as a reaffirmation of the bond between the leadership and the grassroots. One attendee remarked, “This is not just about food or cash; it is about recognizing our contributions and making us feel valued in the governance process.”

As Osun State celebrates Governor Adeleke’s second anniversary in office, events like the one in Ode Omu serve as a reminder of the administration’s achievements and the work that lies ahead. Hon. Abimboye’s gesture highlights the importance of fostering a strong connection between leadership and the people, ensuring that the dividends of democracy are felt across every community.

With ongoing projects and a vision for a brighter future, Governor Adeleke’s administration continues to set a standard for transformational governance in Osun State. As celebrations extend across the state, the focus remains on building a more prosperous, inclusive, and equitable society for all.