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Love is not Enough for Your Relationship (Part 1)

Published

5 years ago

May 19, 2018

Eric

Although love is the foundation of any happy romantic relationship, love is not enough. In order to have a healthy relationship, both parties have to be willing to work on it. Below you’ll find 18 ways to keep your relationship strong.

Practice acceptance and appreciation.

The keys to mindful loving are acceptance and appreciation. Here’s a quote from Richo that expresses this idea: “In a true you and I relationship, we are present mindfully, non-intrusively, the way we are present with things in nature. We do not tell a birch tree it should be more like an elm. We face it with no agenda, only appreciation . . .”

Up and Downs

Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs. Just as you can’t expect to be happy all the time, you shouldn’t expect your relationship to be at a continuous high. When you make a long-term commitment to someone you have to be willing to ride the highs, as well as the lows, together.

Use the word “we”.

Research proves that couples who use the word “we” when talking are happier, calmer, and in general are more satisfied with their relationships than couples whose communication is more populated by the pronouns “you”, “me” and “I”.

The word “we” is a game changer. It sets off a program of connectedness in the brain so that instead of being in a “you vs. me” mindset, we’re in a collaborative mindset. This collaborative mindset makes us more loving and generous.

Follow the three-day gratitude plan.

Having an attitude of gratitude will revitalize your love life. A Study involving 77 married heterosexual and monogamous couples found that with expressed gratitude “participants reported that they felt more loving.”

“They also reported feeling more peaceful, amused, and proud. They perceived their partner as being more understanding, validating, caring, and generally more responsive. They were more likely to have reported spontaneously thanking their partner for something they’d appreciated on any given day. And they were more satisfied with the quality of their relationship overall.”

In order to get started with bringing more gratitude into your relationship recommends the following three-day gratitude plan:

Day 1: Find three qualities that you love about your partner and focus on those three qualities for the entire day.
Day 2: Identify three things that irritate you about your partner. Now forgive them for these things.
Day 3: For the entire day speak only kind words to your significant other.

Think of the three day plan as a cleansing which allows you to clear out feelings that keep your relationship from thriving.

Keep the 3:1 ratio.

Over the course of a day we have a variety of positive and negative experiences. This is also true when it comes to our relationship with our significant other. Most people think that as long as the positive experiences outweigh the negative, everything is fine. However, this isn’t so. It’s the ratio of positive to negative that matters.

Research has shown that the magical ratio for a flourishing relationship is at or above 3:1. That is, you need to have three times more positive experiences with your partner than negative experiences in order to have a healthy relationship.

Keep the novelty alive.

One of the positive aspects of being in a relationship with someone for a long time is that you really get to know each other. The negative side of this is that the novelty wears off, and humans love novelty.

However, there’s a way to keep the novelty alive: constantly try new activities together. This creates the excitement and the uncertainty that comes from the unknown, even if you’re with someone whom you know as well as the back of your hand.

Keep the playfulness alive.

We all love to play, regardless of our age. Do the following: have fun together; do something ridiculous together; and just let go. In addition, the next time that your partner says something that bothers you, try responding with a joke instead of getting defensive.

GIVE YOUR PARTNER SPACE.

The philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer used porcupines to explain a dilemma which often exists in human relationships. Two porcupines trying to keep warm will move closer to one another. However, if they get too close they prick each other with their spines.

The same thing happens in human relationships: we want closeness, but we also want space. The key is to find that sweet spot at which we feel the warmth that comes from being in a relationship, while at the same time allowing each partner to have enough space so that neither one feels like they’re being pricked by the other’s spines (feelings of lost individuality, feeling crowded, and so on).

SHOW EACH OTHER DAILY PHYSICAL AFFECTION.

Kory Floyd, Ph.D – a professor at Hugh Downs School of Communication at Arizona State University—explains that studies show that physical affection has a myriad of benefits. It releases feel-good hormones, it reduces blood pressure, it helps to release stress, it improves mood, and it’s associated with higher relationship satisfaction.

Showing physical affection can be as easy as kissing, holding hands, hugging, giving a back scratch, or putting a hand around the other person’s shoulder.

Use AAA.

Mira Kirshenbaum, psychotherapist and author of “The Weekend Marriage” explains that when your significant other is upset over something you’ve done, you should apply the AAA approach. This stands for apology, affection, and a promise of action. To elaborate:

Tell your partner that you’re sorry that you’ve hurt or disappointment them.
Offer a meaningful gesture of warmth, such as a hug or a kiss.
Pledge to take action that is meaningful to them.

Featured

Festus Keyamo, Others Condemn Bayo Onanuga for Toxic Anti-Igbo Slur

Published

7 hours ago

March 20, 2023

Eric

Spokesperson of the Bola Tinubu presidential campaign council, Festus Keyamo has knocked Bayo Onanuga for making vile remarks against Nigerians of Igbo descent.

“No one should ever rile a whole tribe & this applies to all sides – North/South/East/West in Nigeria’s politics,” the lawyer tweeted to school Mr Onanuga to be respectful of other ethnic groups.

Popular political pundit Kayode Ogundamisi, in a similar manner, excoriated the president-elect’s aide for stooping low to make the toxic anti-Igbo comment that could further fan the embers of ethnic strife already bedevilling the nation and push it to the verge of a civil war.

“Egbon this tweet is beneath you o! Considering you may also likely be holding a position in the incoming government of BAT,” Mr Ogundamisi wrote on Twitter. “When the other side of your political divide are going low, you shouldn’t be going lower. O wrong o,” he said to correct Mr Onanuga.

On Saturday evening, Mr Onanuga tweeted: “Let 2023 be the last time of Igbo interference in Lagos politics. Let there be no repeat in 2027. Lagos is like Anambra, Imo, any Nigerian state. It is not No Man’s Land, not Federal Capital Territory. It is Yoruba land. Mind your business.”

Mr Onanuga’s bigoted tweet and the brazenness to pin it to his profile have renewed worries among Nigerians who believe the president-elect, an advocate of national coherence after his election victory last month, should not be surrounded by persons who are intolerant of other ethnic groups.

Source: Peoples Gazette

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Guber Polls: INEC Declares Sanwo-Olu, Makinde, Abiodun, AbdulRazaq, Buni, Others Winners

Published

8 hours ago

March 20, 2023

Eric

The Independent National Electoral Commission on Sunday declared Governors Seyi Makinde (Oyo), Babajide Sanwo-Olu (Lagos), Dapo Abiodun (Ogun), Muhammadu Yahaya (Gombe), Mai Mala Buni (Yobe) and AbdulRahman AbdulRazaq (Kwara) the winners of Saturday’s governorship election.

Also, the Peoples Democratic Party candidate in Akwa Ibom State, Pastor Umo Eno; Dr Dikko Radda of the Katsina State All Progressives Congress and his counterpart in Jigawa State, Namadi Dammodi, emerged as the governors-elect.

The APC candidate in the Sokoto State governorship election, Ahmad Sokoto, similarly emerged as the governor-elect in the state, while Borno State Governor, Babagana Zulum was set for victory having won the 22 local government areas declared so far in the state on Sunday.

There were also strong indications that the Bauchi State Governor, Bala Mohammed, would be re-elected as he emerged victorious in 14 out of the 19 LGAs results declared as of 10.21 pm on Sunday, while his closest rival, Sadique Abubakar of the APC won five local government areas.

Similarly, the APC candidate in Benue, Rev Fr. Hyacinth Alia, is currently leading his opponents in the results so far declared by the electoral commission.

Makinde of the PDP was declared the winner of the governorship poll in Oyo State after scoring 563,756 votes to beat his closest rival, Teslim Folarin of the All Progressive Congress scored 256,685 votes.

Adebayo Adelabu of the Accord Party scored 38,357 votes. Makinde, in an interview with newsmen, shortly after he won re-election said he was overwhelmed by the show of love showered on him by the people of the state.

A statement by his Chief Press Secretary, Taiwo Adisa, said the governor was joined by his wife, Tamunominimin and flanked by family members, friends and associates while celebrating the victory at his residence located in the Ikolaba area of Ibadan.

He thanked the good people of the state for the the confidence reposed in his administration and his ability to lead them.

Makinde speaks Makinde said, “The incoming administration which is tagged Omituntun 2.0, is a film that will be a lot better, sweeter and more effective when compared to Omituntun 1.0.

“Right now, I am just overwhelmed. I want to thank the good people of the state for the confidence they have reposed in this administration and my ability to lead them.’’

Governor Abiodun secured a second term in office after polling 276,298 votes to defeat his PDP opponent, Oladipupo Adebutu, who scored 262,383 votes and 12 other candidates.

The returning officer of the governorship election in Ogun State, Prof. Kayode Adebowale declared Abiodun at the collation centre of the commission in the state.

According to him, the total number of registered voters 2,688,305, while accredited voters were 666,406.

Adebowale said a total of 645,133 votes were valid while 18,835 votes were rejected out of the 663,968 total votes cast.

Sanwo-Olu was re-elected as he has polled the highest number of votes in the governorship election held on Saturday. The results were announced on Sunday at INEC’s collation centre in Yaba, Lagos.

The governor was declared winner with 762,134 votes while his closest rival, Gbadebo Rhodes-Vivour of the Labour Party, polled 312,329 votes. The candidate of the PDP, Olajide Adediran, came third with 62,449 votes.

The Punch

Featured

Lagos Thugs Attack Abule-Ado Residents, Many Injured, Vehicles, Shops Destroyed

Published

9 hours ago

March 20, 2023

Eric

Pandemonium broke out, yesterday, at Omonile, Abule-Ado community in Amuwo Odofin Local Government Area of Lagos State, after thugs launched an attack on residents of the area, leaving many of them injured.

Some shops were destroyed while windscreens of cars parked on the long stretch of the area were shattered.

Vanguard gathered that the invasion of thugs was a spillover of the violence that characterised the governorship and state House of Assembly elections in the state on Saturday.

A resident, who gave his name simply as Agwu, said: “During the election on Saturday, thugs invaded some polling units to snatch ballot boxes. They were chased by another group of thugs. Those who snatched the ballot boxes ran into some houses from where they escaped. The second group of thugs destroyed the houses where the ballot box snatchers ran into, in anger and frustration.

“This morning (yesterday), we heard gunshots from the Omonile end of Abule-Ado. Armed thugs numbering over 50, invaded the community. They shot on sight anything they saw and destroyed all the vehicles parked on the road.

“They accused us of being perpetrators of the previous day’s attack and for daring to chase them when they snatched the ballot boxes. We had no choice but to come out to face them. Some of us were shot in the process.”

A video which went viral on social media, showed the residents, both males and females, holding sticks and pestles to defend themselves.
Another audio of an unidentified man, alerting Nigerians on the invasion of the community was sent within and outside Lagos.

The audio voice which was in Igbo dialect frantically called on security agents to come to the aid of residents of the area.

According to the audio recording, “Please, we need help at Omonile, in Abule-Ado, behind Trade Fair. The Yoruba thugs are shooting Igbos here. Please reach out to Dr Patrick Ifeanyin, and call the Police, and Army. Those shot have been rushed to the hospital.”
Teams of policemen and military personnel were reportedly drafted to contain the situation.

A spokesman for Lagos State Police Command, Benjamin Hundenyi, said two persons have been arrested, adding that normalcy had been restored.

He explained, “Intra-community fight broke out in the area earlier this morning resulting in the destruction of property. Owing to the timely arrival of the police, no life was lost and no property was razed as widely claimed.

“Two persons have been arrested and an investigation has commenced into the matter. Meanwhile, police officers remain on the ground to prevent further breakdown of law and order.”

Vanguard