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Adding Value: Destiny As a Catalyst by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

The concept of destiny is very broad because it means several things to several people in diverse fields including religious, politics, education, entrepreneurship or family. It’s meaning is however, dependent on the interpretation one gives to it. But one thing is certain, destiny connotes the end point or destination of somebody or something.

As the author of Design Your Destiny, I believe I am in a better position to speak about destiny and how it is applicable to life. Not only have my life been transformed by destiny, but I have also seen in real times how destiny played a significant role in the lives of ordinary people.

To understand the concept of destiny, I will be writing from an inspirational and rational point of view. It is important to state that for the emancipation of anyone, one needs to understand how life and the principles of life work work, otherwise, one will be confused.

It is normal for someone to be concerned about what the future holds for him. Sometimes, one will be concerned about where the next food or job opportunity will come from. I have good news for you though, relax, destiny is working purposely for your benefit. You don’t have to know, but just believe and trust the process.

No human being can know what will happen the next second, minute, day, week, month, year, and decade. We only live by the grace of God. So, don’t be anxious of what life has in stock for you, just do your best and continue to add value to your life, and the universe has a way of aligning circumstances and life for you. In my native country, we have a saying: nobody knows the stomach that will give birth to a king.

I have personally seen and experienced transformation in my life. I have seen the grace of God. I have seen people who the world has given up as people who don’t have any chance of making a headway in life, succeeding in an exponential manner. A classical case of study is former President Goodluck Jonathan, who rose from a humble position of being a lecturer to Deputy Governor, Governor, Vice President and President, in a way no rational mind can decipher.

What most uninformed people fail to understand is that nobody knows tomorrow, and God is the greatest orchestrator of human destiny.  It’s so sad to see some people play God. It’s also instructive to know that the son of a certified pauper can become a man of means tomorrow if properly educated.

To put it in better perspective, no matter how one may try, nobody knows who will be elected as a Representative, Senator, Governor of a State, or President of a country. Nobody even knows who the wealthiest man in the society will be when tomorrow comes.

One may have a mentor or a biological parent who may be wealthy, or in a position of authority, or influential in the society, and note that no matter how much your parent or your mentor will love you, he can’t dictate what will happen when they are no longer in authority. The best the person can do is to strategically position you or give you publicity within his network of influence, but that will not determine if you’ll get what you desire in the grand scheme of things.

To really understand how this works, let’s take a case of Nigeria, where a mentor might influence the position of someone who is likely to be the President or Governor of a State. Upon expiration of the mentee’s tenure, they might decide who their successor will be, and the successor will also determine who their successor will be, and the list continues.

Do you now see the concept of destiny is relative. The creator might position somebody to take a position 10, 20 or even 50 years ahead just to fulfil a purpose.

Let’s take another perspective of destiny; the creator of heaven and earth might strategically position somebody to travel out of the country just to fulfil a destined purpose. The person might not know he is being used to fulfil a purpose just like the devil can be used to ‘bless’ someone in disguise without knowing.

Destiny can be quite complicated, some people might be destined to be in a particular region, while others might be destined to succeed in another region. To know where you are destined to be, I will strongly advise everyone to reach out to their creator by seeking the face and mindset of God through prayer and meditation. God has a way of revealing his plans to everyone.

The sad part of life is sometimes, human beings try to play God by working out their destiny and purpose in life. They fail to realize that they didn’t create themselves and didn’t get whatever they have by their ability, rather by the grace of God.   Whenever, men think they are god, God will let them know in subtle ways, he is the Lord and God of gods. So, be humble about life because you don’t know what life will unfold for you. It is pertinent to mention that, when royalties are failing, God will raise people, stones to praise him, so be humble before life will humble you.

On a personal experience, during my chamber attachment while in Nigerian Law School, I was experiencing a little bit of financial challenge, especially living in the expensive City of Abuja, and as such, I was trying to mitigate cost. I reached out to the posting coordinator in law school to give me a nearby firm which won’t allow me to spend more money, he stated, such practice is not allowed. He was kind enough to listen to me to explain my reasons, he really felt for me and asked for the name of the firm I wanted to intern with, I gave him the name of the firm, he searched the directory, but couldn’t find the name of the firm. I didn’t know the law firm uses a partnership name as opposed to an individual name. He asked me a question, “are you a Christian”, I said yes, he said believe in your God. He used himself as an example, he said, as Muslim,  he doesn’t believe in working things out, because one might work out one’s destiny. I took his word to heart.

Guess what, when the list was posted, I was posted in my estate where I didn’t have to spend a dime on transportation. The funny part was that, assuming my plan worked out, I would have to pay a decent amount of my money to get to my desired law firm. Do you see God came through for me? It’s destiny at work. The most joyful part of it was that, not only did I work with a Senior Advocate of Nigeria, I had the humble opportunity of being on television on a number of cases because my boss was handling the case of the daughter of the former President of Nigeria at the said time.  More importantly, during my sojourn to the United States this great man played a significant role with his thoughtful advice and assistance.  He was later appointed a Minister by President Buhari in 2015., but the cold hands of death snatched him away.

Another interesting story was during my National Youth Service Corp. While most people were working out their posting, I refused to work out mine despite pressure from friends and family members. I borrowed some sense using my experience during my law school. Ordinarily, I was posted to a remote place, but God came through for me when the Governor of the State came with a friend of mine who works with African Independent Television to cover the event.

During one of our engagements, he mentioned to me, the Governor gave him 500milion naira to set up African Independent television in the state. This great man asked me to recruit youth corpers who will work for him, and he will pay them 100 thousand naira every month, and mine will be special. I thanked him for the opportunity and informed him, I won’t be able to deliver because I will travel to the US after my service year.  After a decade, this man facilitated an opportunity to interview in Abuja. The moral of the story is that, imagine if I worked out my posting, who knows where I would have been.

Furthermore, when destiny is at work, God can command a sick person who is supposed to die to live simply because it’s not yet time for the person to depart this sinful world.

In conclusion, regardless of what you are going through, please don’t be hard on yourself, whether you are looking for an opportunity, life partner, mentor, etc., just seek for the creator to design your destiny by connecting you to the right people who will enable you to fulfil his purpose concerning your life.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value

Adding Value: Responding to Life Challenges by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

Everyone experiences life in different ways. There’s absolutely nobody on planet earth who hasn’t encountered situations or circumstances that shaped them or gave them different perceptions of life. No matter how we try, we can’t run away from problems. A friend once jokingly said, problems are like women; they are the “necessary evil” you can’t avoid, especially when they have an interest in you.

We all experience life in our families, relationships, academics, spiritual life, careers, health, and even personal life. But what makes the ultimate difference is how we’ll react to it.

Let me explain a little bit using a case study of family, health, career, academic, spiritual, and personal aspects.

Family

It’s instructive to note that what makes a family is secret, so imagine a case where the secret of a family is divulged. There’s bound to be problems that will arise. Another scenario is when a family experiences the death of a loved one. I think that’s one of the most painful experiences one can ever experience because losing a loved one is no joke. The death of a family member can shatter a family if not properly managed.

Imagine a case where the head of the family, say a father, passes to glory and his wife is not financially stable to manage the family. The children will experience challenges that will shape their future. The question we need to ask ourselves is, how do we manage death when it happens?

Health

Another scenario that can shape us is our health. Health is so important that without it, one will not be able to function properly. There have been life-threatening health cases that lead to the untimely death of a sick patient. The question we need to ask ourselves is: how do we respond to these health challenges when it comes to us?

Career

Do you know your career can serve as an encounter which can shape you? Yes, an encounter is like an experience which can make one not remain the same. Do you also know that your career can make or mar you? Yes, while one’s career can serve as an instrument to one’s success, it can also lead to the demise of someone, especially if it’s not a purposeful career befitting the person.

Academic

Some schools of thought say that examination is not the true test of knowledge. There have been situations where one’s academic background can metamorphose them in the right direction, especially when one is intentional and purposeful in their chosen academic pursuit, and there have been scenarios when someone ventured into academic pursuits that are not suitable for them.

I was once a victim of this ugly experience when I ventured into Taxation Law at New York Law School. Despite earning a scholarship in the program, I knew for a fact, assuming I got a job, it won’t be fulfilling because I will be a victim of defective success.

Spiritual

One of the most defining moments of one’s life can be seen in their spiritual life. It’s sad to see most people playing with their spiritual life. They fail to realize that spirituality controls the physical. When we talk of spirituality, there are two types. Those for God and those for gods. It’s always good for one to align to one side, but as a matter of advice, it’s always good for one to stay on the side of God.

There are many situations that would have ended one’s life, but due to one’s neglect of one’s spiritual life, the life can be cut short. Question: How do you respond to spiritual things when spiritual forces push you around?

Personal

Last but not least is our personal life. How we respond to life challenges in our academic, health, finance, relationship, career, or even spiritual life can determine how far we go in life. Remember, it’s instructive to note that it is our attitude and not aptitude that will determine our altitude to life.

The big question we need to ask ourselves now is: how do we respond to these challenging circumstances or issues? The answer is attitude. You’ll agree with me, you may not always be able to choose your circumstances, but you can choose to respond to them.

There was a touching story about a man who was unjustly and wrongfully convicted for murder, and he spent many years in prison awaiting trial, another fifteen years for final judgment to be delivered, and yet another ten years on death row. In all this travail, he managed to keep his sanity.

Finally, on the day he was to be executed, fresh evidence indicating his innocence prompted the governor to order his immediate release. At the prison gates he sad “ all a man can be taken from him, except the last form of the human freedoms, -the power to choose one’s attitude in all circumstances”.

Do you see, life is not really about what happens to us, but how we react. That’s what will make the difference.

In conclusion, regardless of how life challenges, circumstances, and situations push you around, just have a good attitude and outlook to life. Don’t allow it to weigh you down.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value: Stop Complaining by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

Complaining is part of human nature. We complain about our health, school, family, friends, work, finances, government, and life in general. Human beings literally complain about everything and anything.

Over time, I have come to discover something about life: complaining doesn’t solve a problem; it adds to it. According to the Book of Life, why worry when you can pray? The moral of this statement is that instead of worrying, why not look for solutions? When you worry, it only accumulates the problems, but when you explore avenues to solve a problem, you’re literally praying.

Complaining is like having a problem and apportioning blame to another person instead of fixing it. One of the hallmarks of great minds is the ability to solve problems, while little minds complain.

In the world of visionary leaders, they don’t complain; rather, they see complaints as challenges of life, while lesser minds see complaints as problems of life. Again, while great leaders see problems as a gateway to make money and succeed by proffering solutions, little minds see problems as obstacles limiting their growth to succeed. Same action but different results and consequences.

As human beings, we tend to focus on what we don’t have instead of focusing on what we have. It’s only when we appreciate what we have that we give room for opportunities and favors to come to us. It’s unfortunate some of fucus on what we are going through instead of what we are becoming.

It’s instructive to note that complaints don’t lead us anywhere, rather it hinders our progress. Nobody likes complainers; complainers are usually seen as energy suckers because all they do is take without giving. Instead of complaining, why not practice gratitude? Gratitude helps to draw and attract opportunities.

In the world of human relations, the ability to manage people is an uncommon skill. One must learn to nurture relationships.  Human beings can be difficult to manage. While some exhibit meekness, gratitude, cheerfulness, and loyalty, some exhibit bitterness, frustration, depression, sadness, and sorrow. What most people don’t know is that we have the ability to change how we manage our lives and how we react to what life throws at us through our attitude.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not insinuating that complaining is wrong; rather, I’m insinuating it’s not healthy for our mental health. The only time we can complain about something is when we are proffering a solution; by so doing, we have highlighted the problems and proffered the solution.

 Complaints make us blind to see the good in others. As a word of advice, if you focus exclusively on the shortcomings of the people with whom you have to relate and forget that they have a good point, it will be difficult to see the good in them.

According to Yomi Garnett, focus on the good side of people and be intentional in learning about their mindset and inquire what made them who they are. Also, focusing on the good side of people despite their bad or weak side makes them feel valuable as human beings, and by so doing, we show our empathic personality.

In conclusion, resolve today to stop complaining and start appreciating the challenges of life with gratitude.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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Adding Value: Phases and Stages of Life by Henry Ukazu

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Dear Destiny Friends,

The school of life is an institution no one can graduate from. It is equated to marriage where new things as well as surprises are the order of the day, occurring on a daily basis. However, there are ways to live through life, and one of them is to accept each day as they come.

Life is truly great and enjoyable if we understand it and accept this truth. There’s no doubt that life is such a great challenge, and we must work hard and smart to overcome the challenge. Once we acknowledge it, nothing really matters any longer because life becomes an infinitely easier project to pursue.

As human beings, we will be tested and tempted. One’s ability to overcome each test and temptation will set one on a higher pedestal. The book of life made us understand there’s time for everything. A time to cry, and a time to laugh, a time to sow and a time to reap,  According to the Book of life “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.”

One thing is certain if one looks at the timing- they all come in stages and phases. When there’s misplaced priority, success appears like mirage. One’s ability to manage each phase will strengthen one.

Life comes in several stages. When a child is born, the child will learn to crawl before learning how to walk and run. The same is applicable for a student who is interested in education, he will attend high school, college and post graduate studies. These are all stages of life.

The same phase is applicable in relationships and marriage. During the dating and courting stage, the relationship is different, immediately the parties marry, the tone changes. Marriage has three stages namely: Romance (or Honeymoon) stage, Power Struggle (or Disillusionment) stage, and Real Love (or Mature/Conscious Love) stage.

Let’s analyze each stage:

Romance/Honeymoon: (The “Falling in Love” Phase)

This stage is characterized by high intensity, passion, and bonding. At this stage, partners focus on similarities and overlook flaws. At this stage a partner might step on the other partner and instead of getting hurt, the partner will smile and say something like: I love the way you stepped on me, or step on me harder, it makes me endure the love. At this stage partners do everything together.  This stage usually lasts from a few weeks to a couple of years.

The first three to five years of marriage can generally be regarded as the most challenging part of marriage, especially the kids start coming in; if it’s not properly managed, the marriage might hit the rock.

 Power Struggle/Disillusionment (The “Reckoning” Phase)

During this stage, the “rose-colored glasses” usually come off, and partners notice flaws and differences, leading to “disillusionment, disappointment, and early conflicts”. It is at this stage kids start coming up and the challenge of life starts hitting up. The stage is often characterized by struggles with control, communication, and frustration over unmet expectations. Many couples usually get stuck here, if proper is not applied, it might end the relationship.

Stage 3: Real Love/Mature Love (The “Conscious” Phase)

At this stage, the couples have seen it all. They have been through all stages of life and have seen it all. There’s literally little or nothing that can affect marriage at this stage. It’s only unimaginable and unbecoming acts that lead to the fundamental tenets of marriage that can make the marriage hit the rock.

At this stage couples have trained their children through colleges, and some may have married. Couples will be able to laugh over their acts and start to bond again.

At this stage, couples have been able to navigate their conflict and have learnt to accept their partner’s flaws and choose to build a stable, loving, and mature relationship. Their focus is usually to build a deeper commitment to their marital vows, finally accepting each partner for whom they are, and working together to create a conscious and intentional partnership.

The outcome is usually a sense of safety, connection and lasting love: A sense of safety, deep connection, and lasting love.

In business, the principle is not exempted. An entrepreneur will begin a business, grow it, attract customers, hire employees and then institutionalize it. All these stages come with several phases if one is intentional.

An employee who is hired as an entry level position will have to prove his worth by producing measurable results to walk through the corporate ladder to become Chief Executive Officer, Chief Operating Officer, Chief Financial Officer or one of the higher ups. This position doesn’t come ordinarily; one must have earned it.

In conclusion, regardless of what stage one is experiencing or facing, one thing is certain, this too shall pass, and we shall overcome. So, just hang in there.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

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