Dear Destiny Friends,

The school of life is an institution no one can graduate from. It is equated to marriage where new things as well as surprises are the order of the day, occurring on a daily basis. However, there are ways to live through life, and one of them is to accept each day as they come.

Life is truly great and enjoyable if we understand it and accept this truth. There’s no doubt that life is such a great challenge, and we must work hard and smart to overcome the challenge. Once we acknowledge it, nothing really matters any longer because life becomes an infinitely easier project to pursue.

As human beings, we will be tested and tempted. One’s ability to overcome each test and temptation will set one on a higher pedestal. The book of life made us understand there’s time for everything. A time to cry, and a time to laugh, a time to sow and a time to reap,  According to the Book of life “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.”

One thing is certain if one looks at the timing- they all come in stages and phases. When there’s misplaced priority, success appears like mirage. One’s ability to manage each phase will strengthen one.

Life comes in several stages. When a child is born, the child will learn to crawl before learning how to walk and run. The same is applicable for a student who is interested in education, he will attend high school, college and post graduate studies. These are all stages of life.

The same phase is applicable in relationships and marriage. During the dating and courting stage, the relationship is different, immediately the parties marry, the tone changes. Marriage has three stages namely: Romance (or Honeymoon) stage, Power Struggle (or Disillusionment) stage, and Real Love (or Mature/Conscious Love) stage.

Let’s analyze each stage:

Romance/Honeymoon: (The “Falling in Love” Phase)

This stage is characterized by high intensity, passion, and bonding. At this stage, partners focus on similarities and overlook flaws. At this stage a partner might step on the other partner and instead of getting hurt, the partner will smile and say something like: I love the way you stepped on me, or step on me harder, it makes me endure the love. At this stage partners do everything together.  This stage usually lasts from a few weeks to a couple of years.

The first three to five years of marriage can generally be regarded as the most challenging part of marriage, especially the kids start coming in; if it’s not properly managed, the marriage might hit the rock.

 Power Struggle/Disillusionment (The “Reckoning” Phase)

During this stage, the “rose-colored glasses” usually come off, and partners notice flaws and differences, leading to “disillusionment, disappointment, and early conflicts”. It is at this stage kids start coming up and the challenge of life starts hitting up. The stage is often characterized by struggles with control, communication, and frustration over unmet expectations. Many couples usually get stuck here, if proper is not applied, it might end the relationship.

Stage 3: Real Love/Mature Love (The “Conscious” Phase)

At this stage, the couples have seen it all. They have been through all stages of life and have seen it all. There’s literally little or nothing that can affect marriage at this stage. It’s only unimaginable and unbecoming acts that lead to the fundamental tenets of marriage that can make the marriage hit the rock.

At this stage couples have trained their children through colleges, and some may have married. Couples will be able to laugh over their acts and start to bond again.

At this stage, couples have been able to navigate their conflict and have learnt to accept their partner’s flaws and choose to build a stable, loving, and mature relationship. Their focus is usually to build a deeper commitment to their marital vows, finally accepting each partner for whom they are, and working together to create a conscious and intentional partnership.

The outcome is usually a sense of safety, connection and lasting love: A sense of safety, deep connection, and lasting love.

In business, the principle is not exempted. An entrepreneur will begin a business, grow it, attract customers, hire employees and then institutionalize it. All these stages come with several phases if one is intentional.

An employee who is hired as an entry level position will have to prove his worth by producing measurable results to walk through the corporate ladder to become Chief Executive Officer, Chief Operating Officer, Chief Financial Officer or one of the higher ups. This position doesn’t come ordinarily; one must have earned it.

In conclusion, regardless of what stage one is experiencing or facing, one thing is certain, this too shall pass, and we shall overcome. So, just hang in there.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Dear Destiny Friends,

To be fruitful is to be productive, profitable, and successful in all areas of your life. When one is fruitful, he will attract many opportunities and values. When we are fruitful, we won’t be barren because we will be producing fruits and results with our work. Even the book of life said no woman will be barren in your land. That’s being fruitful.

Fruitfulness permeates every area of our life. When you are fruitful, your life, marriage, business, academic, ethics, relationship/network will flourish. Our business must be fruitful to survive, otherwise it will be out of business. We shall discuss several areas where one can be fruitful.

Parents

The joy of every father is for the child to be greater than him. Any father that wants to be greater than his son is not a good father in my understanding. Parents, mentors, government, teachers, leaders of faith, etc. all want us to be fruitful.

Let’s take a case study of parents. They sacrifice their time, resources and health just to give us a decent life. They do it because they want us to be successful in life.

Personally, I watched my late father and mother deprive themselves of the luxury of life just to give me and my siblings a decent life. My late parents never had the opportunity of having a decent education, it won’t be out of place for one to say they are unlettered, but they knew the value of education.

My late dad will always say, he’s not concerned about building houses, or living a luxury lifestyle, to him, those are secondary needs of life. His primary concern is for his children to have a good education. My late dad will always say assuming he’s educated, he would have excelled higher in life.

My late mother is not an exemption. I vividly remember one day my late mother said to me, her colleagues are buying jewelry, shoes, clothes, making their hair, etc. to fit into trends, but she’s not concerned about that, her major concern is for her children to have a decent education and look good.

Most people don’t understand the inspiration behind why I do what I do today. My late parents were and remained my biggest supporter. Apart from going to heaven, my greatest goal is to make my late parents and children proud. The moral of this analysis is my late parents sacrificed even their life for me and siblings just because they want us to be successful and fruitful.

Mentors

Mentors are not left out of this equation; mentors can be regarded as gatekeepers because they have paid the price of success. It is the fruitfulness of mentors that attracts values and mentees to them. When a mentor accepts a mentee into his fold, he’s simply telling the mentee, “I want you to be successful, I don’t want you to fail. However, it is important to state that before a mentor can accept to mentor a mentee, the mentor would have seen some potential in the mentees.

It’s instructive to mention that there are five types of mentors namely:

• Position Mentor: People follow you because they have a right to follow you which can be because of the position you occupy.
• Permission Mentor: People follow you because you allow them. For example, in relationships when you decide to allow people to build relationships with you.
• Production Mentor: People follow you because of what you have done for the organization or association. This is result oriented.
• People Development Mentor: People follow you because of what you have done for them.
• Pinnacle Mentor: People follow you because of who you are or what you represent. The question now is where do you belong?

For the umpteenth time, I am a product of mentorship. My mentors have really shaped my life.

Teachers

Teachers are not left out. Teachers are generally regarded as professional educators who play a critical role in fostering student achievement, personal growth, and social development. They are seen as the “lifeblood” of the education system, often serving as mentors, role models, and agents of social change.

There are many components of teachers namely:

• Professional Experts: Teachers are trained specialists in pedagogy (the art/science of teaching) and subject matter, holding degrees and certifications that qualify them to guide learners.
• Facilitators and Mentors: Beyond delivering content, they act as guides who help students acquire critical thinking skills and knowledge, shifting from “information dispensers” to active facilitators.
• Lifelong Learners: Effective teachers are viewed as individuals who continuously learn and adapt their practices to new technologies, curricula, and student needs.
• Moral and Cultural Guides: Teachers are often expected to act as stewards of community values, maintaining student safety, and cultivating civic responsibility.
• “Backbone of Society”: They are considered crucial to a nation’s social and economic development by preparing the future workforce. Above all, they assist in making us fruitful human beings.

Leaders of faith

The leaders of faith are regarded as the molders of the human faith because they help to build our faith. When the scripture says in Genesis 1:8, be fruitful and multiply, the scripture is also referring to them because they are regarded as shepherds. As Christians, we expected to be fruitful because our heavenly father is fruitful. Being fruitful here entails bearing fruits with our life and this entails using our life to attract people into the kingdom of God as evidence of our heavenly father who expects us to be Christlike.

Government

Let’s talk about the government. When a government is fruitful, it will reflect on the lives of her citizens, but when the government is performing below expectations, the citizens will be on the receiving end. The principal responsibility of the government is protection of life and security for her citizens. Every other thing is secondary. The government is also responsible for creating job opportunities for the citizens. However, it should be noted the government cannot create for all her citizens, and as such they provide an enabling environment for the private sector to thrive.

Employers/Supervisors/Leaders

These sets of people are regarded as people of influence. You need them at your corner, if you intend to move higher in life. Your employers and supervisors are regarded as your leaders. You can never outsmart them; the best one can try is to be in their good books and tolerate their excesses. When an employee is fruitful and exceeding expectations at work, they tend to be rewarded by their supervisors or employers because of the value they create and the problem they solve

In conclusion, whatever you do in life, please try and be fruitful.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Dear Destiny Friends,

The mind is very powerful, so powerful that most people do not know what they possess. To this extent, some have given out their mind-power without knowing it. The power of the mind is akeen to a voice that speaks. This is because the human is more or less the strongest arsenal in everyone’s possession.

The voice brings freedom; it’s so inalienable that we can use it during elections, meetings, and where opinion matters. That’s why I strongly believe that as a human being, when you lose everything, you must not lose the power of your voice.

As a progressive being, there are many things that battle for our attention: family, friends, career, health, even our inner self demands attention. One of the greatest challenges we’ll have as human beings is how to apportion time to all of them because they all want to succeed. Failing to give them their due attention might lead to deficiency, which can ultimately lead to failure.

To succeed in all areas of life whether in business, academic, family, etc., one must have a winning mentality. The failure and success of anyone or project starts from the mind. When the mind has been conquered, it will be hard for anyone to succeed. That’s why one has to be intentional in what they consume whether it relates to the books they read, the association they keep and the thoughts they entertain.

We are shaped by our thoughts. According to Napoleon Hill in his book “Think and Grow Rich”, he stated, “whatsoever the mind can conceive, believe it can achieve it”. To succeed in life, we must have a winning mindset. One of the major problems we have as human beings is that sometimes we give up too early, especially when the odds are against us. But when we exhibit a winning mindset, failures, betrayals, setbacks, detractors, are seen as challenges and hurdles we must overcome to get to the promised land.

There are many examples of great minds who have exercised a winner mindset, a great name that comes to mind is Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln lost his job in 1832. He was defeated for state legislature in 1832. He failed in business in 1833 and was elected to the state legislature in 1834. His sweetheart died in 1835. He had a nervous breakdown in 1836 and was defeated for Speaker in 1838. In 1843, he was defeated for nomination for Congress. In 1846, he was elected to Congress and in 1848, he lost renomination in 1848. In 1849, he was rejected for land officer. In 1854, he was defeated for the U.S. Senate. Again, he was defeated for nomination for Vice President in 1856 and defeated for U.S. Senate in 1858. Finally, in 1860, he was elected the 16^th President of the United States of America.

If we are honest with ourselves, it will be hard for one to forge ahead after experiencing numerous setbacks in business, family, health, career, and even personal challenges. I had to use Abraham Lincoln because he embodies the winner mindset.

The winner’s mindset is not only limited to one’s thoughts. It’s applicable to every area of one’s life. The winner’s mindset is more than just having good thoughts, thinking positively or even standing up when one fails. No, it entails more than that. The winner’s mindset is a lifestyle which preaches the gospel of doing what you must do and be appreciative of the feedback.

The winner’s mindset has the mentality of preparing for the best and expecting the worst. This entails one can’t be taken by surprise if their plans don’t work out well, and this means one will have to go back to the drawing board to fix it.

A good way to understand how a winner’s mindset plays out can be seen during football(soccer) competitions or track and field events where athletes have almost given up hope of winning the game or race.

A case of interest that comes to mind was during the 1996 Atlanta Olympics soccer semi-final competition where the Nigeria Dream team defeated the Brazil Seleção Brasileira de Futebol team in what can be considered one of the greatest comebacks in football history.

Let me give a brief overview, the Nigerian team were down with two goals. As a matter of fact, at a time during the match, the Brazilian team scored a fourth goal which was disqualified. The Nigerian team also had a penalty they lost. Going into the Semi final, the Brazilians were considered the favorites, and the Nigeria team were considered the underdogs. The odds were literally against the Nigeria team because the Brazilians had a formidable team.

Despite the Brazilian team leading Nigeria 3-1, the Nigerian team were able to bounce back during the last 15 minutes and won the game during the extra time. While is this story interesting and relevant? Well, in the game of soccer, nobody gives up until the final whistle is blown by the referee and the same applies in track and field events especially in track events. We have seen scenarios where athletes were almost at the finish line but lost out due to fatigue or one challenge or the other, the athlete fails to finish the race. It gets interesting during relay races.

Back to the soccer competition, one factor that helped the Nigerian team was the winner mindset. They didn’t give up despite the few minutes remaining in the game. They still gave their best and it paid off. It’s instructive to note that the average Nigerian always has the can-do mindset. The average Nigerian hardly gives up.

According to Dr. Yomi Garnett, a renowned ghostwriter, “To be a winner, you have to act like one. Winners don’t function the way most people do. They are always striving, always analyzing, and always questioning themselves. They tend to notice details that other people miss or overlook. Indeed, it is clear that great people have two things in common: a passion to succeed and an almost obsessive attention to detail.

In conclusion, the question we’ll have to ask ourselves is what kind of mentality do we have? Do you have a negative or positive mindset? When people see challenges, do you see solutions or opportunities to solve problems to create wealth? Do you have a growth mindset or poverty mindset?

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com