By Henry Ukazu

Dear Destiny Friends,

No doubt, we are all familiar with the power behind thought, words, actions and principles. Much as these work in spectacular ways, the ability for one to direct and redirect them can be a game changer.

Whether one works in a public or private establishment, it is important to speak and act courteously because sometimes, it’s not really what one says that matter, but the manner of presentation.

Also, how parents talk to their children is very critical to their mental development, just as how two persons in a relationship talk to each other will affect their union. There’s no gainsaying the fact that words are powerful; they can make or mar a person of situation.

To imagine how powerful words are, consider how the pronouncements of the President of the United States of America can influence the stock market. In the same manner, the words of the President of any country can affect the country. Even the words of the Chief Executive Officer of a company can affect the company.

Uniformed minds are unaware of how potent words can be, so they speak without thinking about the damaging consequences of their words. As a rule of thumb, if your words won’t heal, please keep it. To buttress how damaging words can be, did you know there are certain people that will prefer you “hit” them than speaking to them in a condescending, derogative and denigrating manner.

The reason I had to lay the foundation of this topic on words is to show how our thoughts can affect our words. Isn’t it true that it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks?

Redirecting one’s thoughts work perfectly with our words. There’s power in the spoken words. Whenever we speak, the walls hear, the ground stamps, and the air spreads them. It’s one thing to speak the words and it’s another thing to implement and execute the words with the right actions.

In my journey to life, I have come to understand the importance of redirecting one’s perception to life. Sometimes, we look at life from a narrow position instead of from a broad holistic perspective. For instance, if one fails in an examination, instead of apportioning blame to other factors, how about owning up by going to the drawing board to know where they missed it. The same principle is applicable should one fail in business, marriage or health.

Again, spiritual development is very critical to one’s enhancement. A spiritually grounded person will have his thoughts properly channeled when he experiences a setback. For instance, we are taught not to question God when we lose a loved one because He gives life, and He takes life. We are also taught to give thanks to God in all situations. These are practical ways of redirecting one’s thoughts.

If you don’t redirect your thoughts, other people will redirect it for you, but to suit their own principles. In every sphere of life, we are either directing or redirecting our lives because remaining stagnant can be disastrous. According to Alvin Toffler, “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn”. So, it is important to examine the life one lives, as an “an unexamined life is not worth living”, according to Socrates.

Sometimes, we allow the experiences and challenges we go through life to either affect us or define us instead of changing our outlook and attitude to the experience. Most times, we don’t know we have the power and capacity to change the course of our lives; that we can literally turn our pain into gain, our lack to abundance, and our disadvantaged position to an advantaged position. All this will only work if we are able to redirect our thoughts in the right way.

Did you know that your experiences in life do not influence what you think about? Rather, it is what you think about that creates your experiences in life. Life is just a realization of your thoughts. According to Napoleon Hill in his book “Think and Grow Rich”, “whatsoever the mind can conceive, believe, it can achieve it”.

Furthermore, your lifestyle determines your life star, and your personality creates your personal reality. Therefore, the key to changing your life is through changing your thinking. Changing how you think is like packaging your business or writing a business proposal. If you don’t put the right information with the right words, the recipient might not be able to process your application very well, nor will they give it a positive consideration which it ultimately deserves.

Nobody knows what’s in one’s mind except one begins to act. To x-ray how one can redirect one’s thoughts, try as much as possible to have a positive outlook to life no matter how rough life throws dirt at you because it is what you think that you become. If you start thinking or imagining a red car, I can almost guarantee that you’ll not only begin to see red cars, you will begin to attract red cars, red vans, red trucks and red colors because you have positioned your mind to red. This is simply because our thoughts shape your reality.

On a personal note, I have been able to redirect my thoughts, my words, my actions and more importantly my perceptions to life, and this has greatly helped me profess things differently. I no longer take ‘things’ personally. I see people’s actions through their lens. I hear and interpret people’s words differently based on their understanding; I see the reaction and attitude of people based on what they have been exposed to.

As I conclude this article, I would like to ask; how do you process information? How do you see life? How do you redirect your thoughts when life doesn’t add up for you?

In conclusion, today, I charge you to learn how to put to good use the words of Alvin Toffler, to learn, relearn and unlearn many healthy and unhealthy practices by redirecting and channeling your thoughts and actions to the right side of life.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Dear Destiny Friends,

Gratitude is the one of the best currencies on planet earth, especially when properly utilized. Gratitude is just being grateful and being grateful is just expressing appreciation, concern and acknowledgement for favour received.

Gratitude; like relationship, value, skill, network, education, is a currency. Note that currency is not limited to money. Gratitude is much more than that.

A key determining factor towards identifying a person with a grateful heart, is the person’s attitude when he has or doesn’t have. How a person acts when he has money, and how a person acts when he doesn’t have money speak volumes. For example, when someone wants to know a loyal person, it’s advisable to remove the benefits the person normally receives because of the relationship they have with someone. If for example, someone asks you for money and you politely decline, watch the person’s attitude.

A person with a genuine heart of gratitude always go over and beyond to appreciate anyone, who has shown them favour, especially during their time of need. They hardly forget such good deeds. I can vividly remember when I was experiencing a financial meltdown during my formative years in U.S.A, and out of the blues, one of my mentors called me to inquire how I was faring, I used the opportunity to share with him my predicament, and was surprised how he used emotional intelligence to not only boost my moral, but also gave me eight hundred dollars. In all honesty, I do thank him almost every six months and yearly whenever I remember the good deeds until he felt uncomfortable with such an act and advised me to stop because according to him, that’s the least he could do.

You can be grateful even when life does not favour you. For instance, one might be looking for an opportunity and the opportunity doesn’t show up. Sometimes, it can be a blessing in disguise, because we might not know what was likely to happen in the near future. Imagine one applying for a job, and gets rejected for the position, only for the person to realize much later he would have experienced a toxic relationship both with respect to the work culture and human relationship which would have caused more harm than good to him. Also, imagine a scene where a man intends to a marry a lady or lady intends to marry a guy, and due to reasons beyond their comprehension, it didn’t work out, only for both parties to realize not only were they not compatible in terms of tolerance, they also had different spirits, values, vision and mindsets towards life.

This is the reason I personally don’t force relationships, opportunities or anything in life. I like the natural cause of life to always play itself out knowing fully well that the cup of water I will drink will never pass me by.

In the journey of life, I have come to realize the importance of not being desperate for opportunities. Patience has taught me, at the right time, everything will align well. I have had opportunities to make presentations, proposals in addition to meeting highly resourceful people, sometimes, the outcome is quite favorable, other times, it opens doors for more conversation, but one thing is certain I learnt something new from each engagement, but more importantly, I was grateful for the opportunity.

When we talk of patience, it is normal for one to feel a little bit worried if they are ripe for marriage, and no suitable partner is coming; it is normal for one to be concerned when the job is not coming through despite one acquiring all the necessary skills and qualifications; it’s normal for one to put in all the necessary work yet still finds it hard to break through. If you are in his state, I will strongly recommend you appreciate the process and gain inherent lessons associated with the experience.

It’s sad many people don’t know how to apply the principles of gratitude. Gratitude is like a knife, if you use the sharp side, it will hurt you and if you use the blunt side it won’t hurt like the sharp side. Do you know there’s how one will say thank you, and it will appear ungrateful and there’s how someone will say thank you for a little and inconsequential act, and it will attract a greater opportunity. That’s simply how life works. The way, manner, and style a person displays gratitude speaks volume. Gratitude is truly a skill which needs to be understudied.

Gratitude has many sides; let’s talk about the positive aspect of gratitude. Sometimes, some people complain of being the only child or not having family members, but they fail to understand that your family drama is the dream of an orphan. Your dirty dishes are evidence you have eaten. According to Reno Omokri, “your noisy house is proof you have active, healthy children. Your tired body is a sign you have work. And your jalopy car will make pedestrians jumpy and happy. Many of the things we complain about in life are signs that God has blessed us. Billions of people on Earth will gladly trade their lives for ours. Take time to give thanks to God.”

Again, gratitude has many sides; it all depends on the one a progressive mind decides to look on. Did you know that two people can experience pain, and they will react differently? Did you know some students might be in the same class but not all of them have the same level of vision on graduation? A group of people might be working on a project, but not all of them have the same mindset, ideology and vision for life.

Gratitude cuts accross all barriers of life. Whether life treats you fairly or unfairly, don’t be harsh on yourself, just accept your faith with a good attitude, and you will be surprised to see how the universe will work in alignment for you.

In summary, regardless of what life throws at you, endeavor to practice gratitude.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com

Dear destiny Friends,

The constant truth remains that every living being feels things differently, and at the same time, reacts differently to situations.

Much as everyone faces challenges in the journey of time, the individual reaction to each of the challenges ultimately determines the difference. Whether it is failure in relationship, business, health, personal or even professional life, it’s important to note that no one is alone; everyone has a fair share of the challenges of life, but the ultimate difference is how one manages the situation. These challenges can lead to high profile emotions.

In the course of this analysis, however, two powerful forces in the management of emotions or the vicissitudes of life, which are meditation and reflection, will be highlighted.

Emotions are powerful because they can push you to greatness and can also make you make the greatest loss of your life. Let’s think about it for a minute, how many times have people said something they later regretted? How many emotions have been broken because of uncontrolled emotions? How many opportunities have been lost because someone reacted impulsively instead of thinking things through? It should be noted, if you cannot control your emotions, they will control you and when they control you, they will make you weak and easily manipulated.

As we experience life in different dimensions, waves will come, some will be storms, while some will be current. One of the greatest skills one can have is staying calm in the midst of pressure, stressful situations or in the face of adversity, and this is because one is able to train their mind.

Managing emotions is not as easy as it appears. Imagine loving someone and you get hurt by the person. Trust me, it will surely hit you hard, the only time one might not feel so bad is when they don’t really like the person. Managing emotions is like managing human relationships. It’s a skill that needs to be cultivated. The ability to manage people is an uncommon skill. Before you can manage people, one should be able to manage themself. This is because human beings are the most difficult set of people to manage.

One of the most treasured skills any human being can have is building sustainable relationships. Building a solid relationship is like building a house on a solid foundation. One don’t need to be afraid if the house will collapse because the foundation is very strong. In the same way, when friendship has been truly tested and loyalty established, one don’t need to fear if betrayal will set in and if it does, one has to endeavor to manage it well because life happens sometimes.

Training your mind to stay in every situation is like training the muscle, at first it’s difficult because you feel like reacting immediately, but the ability to stay calm can be a game change which will pay off much more.  Imagine being at the gym, you won’t get muscle but overtime you will get muscle when you constantly lift weight. That’s how one trains the mind, overtime, one will grow in maturity.

This process requires patience and consistency. Some days you will succeed, some days, you will fall back to old habits. The key is to keep going. Every time you stay calm instead of reacting, you strengthen your mental discipline, every time you take a deep breath without speaking, you build emotional intelligence, everytime you let go of something that is not worth your peace, you take back your emotional power.

Make a firm commitment to train your mind, the next time you feel frustrated. If people provoke you to breathe, if life throws a challenge at you, step back before reacting. A person who has mastered his emotions has mastered life.

How to manage your emotion

Awareness: Aware is a great way to manage emotions. There are several ways to observe how you feel when somebody says something negative to you. You respond with intelligence. Self and social awareness is a critical tool for emotional intelligence.

Detach from need to always react

When an irrational act comes across your way, you don’t have to respond immediately. Most times we are quick to respond. Maturity teaches one not to respond to everything, learn to be selective on what you react to, and you do this by selecting your battles. This act helps to conserve your power. Sometimes, we allow   small disagreements to affect our mindset. Moral: know what worth your time.

It’s instructive to note that you can’t control everything, but you can control yourself. Life happens, so don’t try to control what is out of your hands, that’s basically a waste of energy. The words you tell yourself shape your emotions and your emotions shape your actions. When you take control of your thoughts and actions, you take control of your life.

To manage emotions, we have to stop listening to our emotions and instead make our feelings listen to us because our emotions can be a trap for us. Whether as a man or lady, when you allow your emotions to control, you will become a slave to the person. It’s just like money, most people are slaves to money because they allow money to control them instead of controlling money.

As a man, when you allow anger to take a hold of you, it will cloud your sense of reasoning, and when that happens, one will understand that actions have consequences. In the same way, some ladies are loyal and slave to their feelings. They allow temporary pain to have permanent stain and pain to their life. If only they had applied a little bit of caution and discernment, they would have gotten a different result.

When it comes to managing your emotions, what you focus on, grows. It’s advisable to choose peace over chaos. The calmer you are, the stronger you become. When you feel stress, anger and frustration, your mind will amplify it, but when you focus on solutions, you develop inner strength.

Do you know that in managing your emotions, you can feel angry and act calm. This is the highest of an emotional intelligence a balanced leader can exhibit.

It is instructive to note that we don’t belong to our feelings. Our feelings belong to us. We control how we want to feel, but most times as humans we don’t know the power we have. The feeling of sadness and joy is entirely up to us.  We allow circumstances to dictate how we feel, what we fail to understand is that circumstances don’t say who we are, they reveal who we are. For instance, one might have little or no cash, imagine receiving a huge credit alert, it will change one’s attitude. That’s how we allow our emotions to control us.

Let’s switch the scenario to a case where a man has no cash to solve his problems, and some tries to offer him cash through fraudulent means, if he rejects the money, that tells you he’s in charge of his emotions and feelings.

Let’s see another situation where a man trying to talk to a lady, the man might have the resources and appurtenance that comes with wooing a lady, and the lady refuses on the ground that he does not appeal to her. Ordinarily, most ladies will give him to the man’s requests, but for this lady, there are qualities that appeal to her more. That means she manages she’s not a slave to her feelings and emotions.

In conclusion, when you wake up every day, you have the right to tell yourself how you feel or let your feelings control you. You can either feel depressed or speak to the depression and order it to transform into an expression of joy. Trust me when you, it will obey you. Don’t be mastered by your emotions. Instead, master them, and you will matter in life.

Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator.  He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your  and Unleash Your Destiny .  He can be reached via info@gloemi.com