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Opinion: The Agony of Monogamy

Published

6 years ago

July 2, 2018

Eric

By Tola Adeniyi

It was at the church service for the 90th birthday of the legendary matriarch of the Awolowo dynasty, Dr. Hannah Idowu Dideolu Awolowo, in Ikenne, Ogun State that the thoughts that prompted this article began. Some well known highly placed gentlemen and their wives were called upon to partake in the wine sipping, bread breaking ritual called Holy Communion. As soon as these respectable ladies and gentlemen, all of them past age 70, and amongst whom were renowned professors, high court judges, legal luminaries and business moguls, finished their spiritual blessing and were returning to their seats, they caught a pitiable sight in their over-flowing garb of hypocrisy.

They wore forlorn mien plastered with furrowed frowned faces like some one afflicted with putrid smell of heavy dose of fart. They looked as if they were mourning a three-year-old boy mistakenly killed by his own father, or the passing of a poor woman who has just succumbed to excruciatingly painful cancer.

They clung to their wives as if they were newly wedded. I temporarily forgot that I was in a holy Church, the spiritual enclave of Christians. I almost laughed my head off because I knew each of the ‘holy’ ‘monogamous’ men intimately and by Jove, I knew of their second, third or fourth wives/liaisons/mistresses with whom they had sired several children. To the whole world they were champions of monogamy, but to their hearts and conscience they were celebrated polygamists, or at best, serial monogamists. Pshaw!

I saw pain written all over them, the agony of living a lie, the unease of hypocrisy, and the shame of going through life pretending to be what you are not.

This is the sort of agony a lot of the so-called monogamists go through all their lives. The series of lies they sell to their wives, and the double life they present to their pastors and church leaders, most of whom are actually equally guilty of hypocrisy and double life living.

This piece is not set out to condemn or criticise monogamy. Monogamy is perfect for those who believe in its concept and can genuinely keep to it. I too have been married to one lovely woman for almost 45 years and it has been like a marriage made in heaven. I happen also to be the promoter along with some friends the 35-year-old Family Club of Nigeria which is dedicated to the upliftment and celebration of marriage and family values.

The article is designed to expose the hypocrisy and pain associated with embracing false notions which are really not observed by any culture in the world, and to advise those who erroneously sentence themselves to a life of sadness and emptiness because they were deceived to believe that there is some utopia somewhere called monogamy.

I am very much aware that this article will generate a lot of controversy, most especially from those who live holier-than-thou life and have continued to deceive the world that they are upholders of a doctrine that is not supported by true and enlightened interpretation of any religious doctrine.

The white men, I am yet to see any human being whose skin colour is like that of chalk, came and told the unfortunate lands they invaded that the cherished cultures, traditions and religions of such lands were rubbish, and instead indoctrinated them with values which they themselves never believed in or truly practiced. We know of King Henry Vlll, and several major historical figures in ‘Christian’ Europe who had more than one wife in addition of a string of wives who their ‘laws’ forbade them to address as wives but who nonetheless perform all the functions of wife minus name.

God bless President Mitterrand who openly confessed to having two women in his life, with the one in the other house with whom he fathered an 18-year-old daughter at the time he passed on.

I have schooled, worked and lived virtually in all the continents of the world and I make bold to say with all emphasis at my disposal that no culture on planet earth truly practices monogamy. My Greek, Italian, Russian, British, American and other Caucasians routinely visit their other wives [called by other names] with whom they have children. But back in the homes shared with the one carrying the ring, they are monogamists!

If God had wanted humanity to be monogamous He or She would not have made the pigeon the only monogamous creature.

The cultures that practice polygamy had always known that at any given time, the number of available marriageable women far out number available men plus the fact that an 80-year-old man, if he has money, is still very much in the market whereas a 60-year-old woman may not be that lucky. The biological limitation to a woman’s productive age is also a factor. Why should a woman therefore remain on the shelf till age 45 when she could jolly well get married as second or sixth wife to a man who can afford to share life’s responsibilities with her? Why should a woman leave a man with whom she is No 1, simply because took a second wife and end up being numberless in the hands of several men with whom she naturally shares bed just because of some doctrine she hardly understands?

All the women who should go and marry but are saying they do not want to share their man with another woman in a polygamous setting, are sharing current boyfriends with several other women. Where is the logic?

The argument that children in a polygamous house are always at each other’s throat does not hold water. Many siblings of monogamous families are known to have had worse and irresolvable, irreconcilable squabble, with dirty bitterness over inheritance than children from different mothers.

The agony suffered by both men and women in the hand of unnatural laws and doctrines is too stifling for comfort. In 2002, five hundred and two Reverend mothers were reported to have died while procuring abortion in Rome. Nigerian Tribune wrote an editorial on the unfortunate incident. And stories of Reverend fathers having children and sodomising young men in their care are legion! Why the hypocrisy? Why should the world continue to live the life of Ostrich?

A well known Nigerian journalist hid his other wives from his wife because his religion would not permit of it and his wife, living in monogamy should not hear of it. At his funeral 9 Funeral Service programmes by his 9 wives surfaced and the woman parading the ring collapsed. It was the grace of God that prevented double interment that day!

The Western world which had not learnt the art of living amicably with more than one partner under the same roof has indulged in multiple serial marriages, divorcing innocent wives under flimsy excuses so that another woman can move in should not be measure of standard for the world. Thank God Mrs Hillary Clinton in the US and Mrs Cook in England were very much wiser. They refused to allow some indiscretion on the part of their husbands to ruin their marriages.

There was a well known American actor who passed on about a decade ago and all his 11 ex-wives with their numerous children attended his funeral. To ridicule the lie of their hypocritical existence, all the women were recognised and addressed as wives. As far as records show, the man had 11 wives!

Society must rethink this issue of pretentious monogamy vis-à-vis polygamy so that in the not-too-distant future we do not end up with millions of unmarried women whose life style would be worse than prostitutes’ and millions of children whose fathers would be nowhere to be found.

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Ghana: Mahama Wins Reelection, Oppositon Candidate Concedes Defeat

Published

16 hours ago

December 8, 2024

Eric

Ghana’s former President John Dramani Mahama has staged a political comeback by winning the West African nation’s presidential election after his rival, Vice President Mahamudu Bawumia, conceded defeat on Sunday.

Addressing a press conference from his residence, Bawumia said he had called Mahama to congratulate him, adding that Mahama’s National Democratic Congress (NDC) also won the parliamentary election.

“Let me say that the data from our own internal collation of the election results indicate that former President John Dramani Mahama has won the Presidential election decisively,” Bawumia said.

“The NDC has also won the parliamentary election. Even though we await final collation of a number of seats, I believe ultimately these will not change the outcome.”

Bawumia said he conceded before the official results to ease tensions.

Before his concession, scuffles had been reported in several local constituency centres where results were still arriving from polling stations.

“I am making this concession speech before the official announcement by the Electoral Commission to avoid further tension and preserve the peace of our country,” Bawumia said.

“It is important that the world investor community continues to believe in the peaceful and democratic character of Ghana,” he added. “The people have voted for change at this time, and we respect that decision with all humility.”

Source: Reuters.com

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UBA Foundation Kicks Off Festive Season with Spectacular Garden Light-Up

Published

6 days ago

December 3, 2024

Admin

The United Bank for Africa (UBA), through its Corporate Social Responsibility arm, the UBA Foundation, held its annual Garden Light-Up ceremony on Monday at its head office in Lagos.

The event marked the start of the festive season with a spectacular display of lights, fireworks, and music, bringing together staff, customers, and well-wishers in a celebration of unity and gratitude.

The Garden Light-Up, a cherished tradition, reflects UBA’s commitment to spreading joy and fostering a sense of community. Speaking at the event, UBA Group Managing Director/CEO Oliver Alawuba highlighted the bank’s dedication to creating memorable experiences and expressed appreciation for the efforts of staff and customers during a challenging year.

“As we approach Christmas, a time of love, we remember the spirit of giving and community,” Alawuba said. “This ceremony symbolizes hope for the future and the goodness it brings into people’s lives. I encourage everyone to spread kindness and light as we celebrate together.”

The ceremony also marked UBA’s 75th anniversary, with Alawuba emphasizing the bank’s commitment to building a lasting heritage. Guests enjoyed Christmas carols performed by the UBA Customer Fulfilment Centre choir and a guided tour of the UBA Foundation gardens at Lagos Marina.

In addition to the festivities, the UBA Foundation reaffirmed its commitment to sustainable development through initiatives that focus on education, environmental conservation, economic empowerment, and community welfare. As part of its corporate social responsibility, the Foundation will provide meals to tens of thousands of people across Africa during the holiday season.

The event ended with fireworks, leaving attendees inspired and excited for the season of giving.

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My Economic Policies Harsh, But Yielding Results, Tinubu Insists

Published

7 days ago

December 2, 2024

Eric

President Bola Tinubu has, for the umpteenth time, insisted that the economic policies that he initiated on assumption of office are now yielding the desired results.

Tinubu, who acknowledged that the policies are harsh on the people, stated that the decision became imperative in order to salvage the country from the crises facing it.

Speaking during the 34th and 35th convocation ceremonies of the Federal University of Technology, Akure, FUTA, the President, who was represented by the Vice Chancellor of the University of Ilorin, Prof. Wahab Egbewole, stated that Nigeria is now moving from consumption to production economy.

While calling for the people’s understanding and support, he maintained that his administration is open to criticisms and admiration.

The President said: “The need to salvage the future of our children and bring the country back from the brink of collapse necessitated the strategic decisions to remove the fuel subsidy and also unify the exchange rates.

“I am not unaware of the consequences of the tough decisions on our people. I sincerely wish there could be softer options.

“The macro-economy of our dear country is improving by the day and beyond expectations. The micro-economy, which directly affects our citizens, is also taking shape gradually with positive results.

“By the grace of the Almighty God, every household will experience a better life and have brighter hope for the future.

“We are working hard to ensure the safety of every Nigerian in every part of the country. Our security architecture is up to the task, and the ugly narratives of the past are changing for good. Also, we are not relenting in our pursuit of making our country a haven of prosperity for all.”