By Babatunde Jose
The moral and spiritual decadence in our society today gives cause for sober concern: Especially the state of marriages and the immoral and debauched examples our women are passing to the younger ones. The concept of ‘Nollywood wives’ has assumed a dangerous trend. It therefore becomes pertinent to say a few words on the essence of a good wife. Good wives still abound, no doubt, but: ‘A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. . . . . .She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor; and she always faces tomorrow with a smile. When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: “Many women have done wonderful things, but you’ve outclassed them all!” Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises. (Proverbs 31:10-31)
Marriage is that institution which we all have to attend at a certain point of time in our lives. And the moment we enter it, there is no looking back. Our lives, lifestyles, way of living changes forever to incorporate that person in our lives. With so many marriages breaking around the globe, it is high time we should now shed some light on a very simple recipe for successful marriage. The wife, truly is the soul of any marriage and without her, the household turns into… umm, well, let’s leave that aside.
Your husband’s state of mind depends on the home to a great extent. It is the duty of the wife to keep the husband satisfied in every manner: Keep a healthy environment at home, have good sex, cook good food, be friendly, respect your in-laws and friends; share, discuss and find solution to problems jointly, and the man will thank the Almighty for gifting him such a mature and understanding wife.
To be a successful wife, show your partner love, respect, and affection, and ask that they treat you in the same way. Share responsibility for your daily life, and enjoy one another’s company. Together you can strengthen one another’s faith and live a pious and loving life.
Build trust by sharing your thoughts and feelings freely with them. The Prophet said to his wife ‘Hazrat Ayesha, “Show gentleness, for if gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it and when it is taken out from anything it damages it.”
While sexual intimacy is encouraged between spouses, there are some activities and seasons where it is discouraged by the Qu’ran.
- During Ramadan, abstain from sexual intimacy except at night between iftar and suhoor. Make sure you are both rested and well-fed enough to enjoy the exertion!
- Most schools of Islamic thought prohibit sexual intimacy during menstruation. However, cuddling, kissing, and showing affection is still allowed. There’s no reason to avoid one another during your time of the month.
Dress in a way that expresses your faith: The way you dress is an expression of your relationship with Allah and with yourself. Sagging of pants is clearly a decadent form of dressing which is now prevalent among our women; housewives inclusive.
Protect yourself: The Qu’ran emphasizes the importance of compassion, respect, and equity in marriages. Being a dutiful wife does not mean that you must suffer abuse. The Qu’ran does not give husbands permission to beat their wives. If you are being badly treated, suffering emotional, verbal, sexual, or physical abuse, you can divorce your partner. The Qu’ran states that Allah dislikes divorce, but allows for it in the name of justice: “If a woman fears ill-treatment (mushuz) or indifference (i’radh) from her husband, it is not wrong if (at her initiative) the two set things peacefully to right between themselves… If the two break up, Allah provides everyone out of His abundance, for Allah is resourceful, wise.” (Quran 4:128-130)
From the viewpoint of Islam, a good wife is considered to be the best thing in the world. This accords her a special position, and places responsibility on the husband to treat her according to this elevated position. The role of the wife in the marriage is extremely important, indeed it is the decisive factor.
Speaking to or telling others about sexual matters between a husband and wife is a grave sin in Islam. This applies to both parties.
Leadership in the family is given to the husband. For the wife to demand complete and full equality with her husband will result in having two masters in the family and this does not exist in Islam. However, the husband should not behave in an autocratic manner and misuse his position. He should display love and affection and treat his wife as a partner in life. Marriage is a partnership of love, trust and mutual respect between two people. Its foundations are solidly established by Islam and exists as a sanctified castle.
We are therefore pleased to celebrate a ‘good wife’, who turned sixty yesterday: Our very own Anti Edith; a good mother, friend, sister, grandmother and amiable wife (of 35 years), of our friend and brother, Dele Fajemirokun. We wish her Many Happy Returns.
Barka Juma’at and a happy weekend. And best wishes for a healthy Ramadan.